Let me report the conversation in the office just me and H
Me: There is a matter I need to discuss with you H: There always is Me: Before I visit aged Ps on Saturday and Sunday, I wanted to have this conversation with you as there were some remarks that caused me concern and my fav cousin and her H also mentioned them They were about my mother H: I don't remember, was I drunk? Me: Yes, but let me remind you. You observed that my mother (89 with Dementia) was a terrible old selfish woman and you had only once ever seen her out of bed. I know that you feel my dad (93) is suffering as a result of that and I agree. The remark that upset me a great deal was that 'if you were my father you would have put a pillow over her face' H: I was only joking Me: I am afraid that I didn't find it humorous H: I think I need to move out Me: silent
Later
H: I am out tonight, I am going to dinner with a couple of friends at friend A's house. They have asked me to take wine and I will be staying out. You went out last night and after I had seen my 3gd I stayed in. You didn't let me know you were ok please do so in future as you were very late back and gone before I got up Me: I have noted this
Later
H: have you told your family yet? Me: only a little H: I have told my S there are problems but not much more as I don't want it to be difficult
Later
H: I don't have many friends- friend I'm seeing tonight my only friend and I am going to rent near her. Every one around here is just a drinking acquaintance and A and B are both alcoholics Me: silent Space H: I need to rent somewhere soon so I urgently need the money from the settlement or some of it. Your business is a failure and there isn't enough cash to pay me off. Me: silent H: I am going to dinner Me: have a good evening
I am NOT going to mind read but I am going to a BFF and will stay overnight
Sadness this evening Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
My intention was to get merry and let myself cry it out. It didn't happen, no alcohol, quietly sitting watching rubbish TV and posting on line. Downloading software.
I feel empty but resolute. I am not alone and I am loved.
I am hoping I will sleep.
Just numb, one more hurdle.
Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am apparently so awful. H wants out. He wants his money and to leave because my business and I are not good enough!
Let go Vanilla
Let Go
Seems your in good company vanilla I was a used up dirty tissue and h spat on me!
Oh and 20kgish, helps when you don't eat anything for months! And vomiting oh on a good day 6 times on a bad day I couldn't count.
I was a Ww leader last time I lost weight. 22kg or so when son almost 17 was born. Took years. This time half the time. Giving away meat and doing my own meals for work and not having h cook has been a huge difference.
I consider myself ordinary, just ordinary. Not better or worse than anyone and I try to treat everyone equally. If you treat me like a fool, then you get treated accordingly.
Last edited by Ggrass; 11/21/1403:55 AM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I'm the opposite. I eat when stressed do not only am I droressed now I'm getting fat. I wish the weather was better do I could get to the gym or bike. I feel for you Vanilla. The detaching is easier said than done. I have reading these threads very helpful as well as dinners and lunches with friends. Distractions have been the best so I don't focus on H. Hang in there!!
H: 43 W: 39 Married: 11 years Together: 18 years 1st BD: 05/2014 asks for separation 2nd BD: 06/16/2014 asks for divorce No kids EA: 2 months, not mutual (she didn't return the feelings) over
Devotee I have replied on your thread. Thank you for your lovely words. You are right detaching is easier said than done. Distraction isn't detaching though. It can be part of GAL.
When we are with compulsives including alcoholics, then there are extra obstacles and we need extra and special resources. DB is an important one, you are having a very difficult time because of the extra burden.
When is someone alcoholic? Probably only they know, there is something that once they take the first drink they can't stop. Not every time but the alcoholic is unsure when they start if they will stop.
Some drinkers can drink heavily every day and not be an alcoholic. They stop and start at will. Others drink infrequently but bend and are alcoholics. Heavy drinking is one issue- bad behaviour and very unpleasant but can be more easily recovered from. Alcoholism is a different scale. Find out, take advice. Only the drinker can stop. Loving thoughts to you Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
