Having a sad day today- not sure why. At least it's " functional" sad and not overwhelming. I think I'm going to do some Christmas shopping for decorations and the kids Advent calendar. Hoping that will help my mood.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Having a sad day today- not sure why. At least it's " functional" sad and not overwhelming. I think I'm going to do some Christmas shopping for decorations and the kids Advent calendar. Hoping that will help my mood.
Yeah Holidays are tough ... I was newly separated last year and it was horrible. This year I am in a better place, stronger ... but I was thinking today that Holidays as I knew them may forever be a memory and I may possibly never have them the same. But ya know what.... this was not our choice, its out of our hands and we can do 2 things ... let it ruin our celebration, or take it for what it is and make the best out of it.
Well said Cali- this is not our choice but we can choose to make the best of it. I was also relatively newly separated last year (Oct) and Holidays felt much more difficult even though H was over all the time. This year I'm having twinges of sadness but not like last year. I went shopping for some decorations and Advent calendar gifts and had a good time! I'm excited to decorate and celebrate which is good. H has had the kids the last 3 days since I'm on call so tomorrow will be great to see them! Also S 19 is coming home from college tonight. H is cooking the turkey and stuffing and bringing it over. He asked me what time I want them to come over and they'll be here whenever. Hoping I can stay nonchalant in front of him. Wish me luck!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Happy Thanksgiving all! So I'm not so sure I can get through today with a poker face. H dropped of the kids early and is heading to pick up S19 b/c he blew a tire on his way last night. ( it's only 1 1/2 hrs away so not too bad- I can't go b/c I'm on call). H even called me at 3am to let me know as I was expecting him home- so that was nice. He brought the Turkey this morning and chit chatted a little with me. I went back in my bathroom to finish getting ready as I had to round. D13 was being snotty which irritated me but I handled well. H came in the bathroom to see if I needed anything before I left. Also said looks like we made need butter- which I did forget. I kept getting ready ( make up, hair etc) while talking and told him I'd pick some up on way back from rounding. He seemed bothered- just was staring at me- then said ok well if there's anything else you need just text me. I don't know if it's that I'm distant that's bothering him or what. I don't want to be closed off and self protective- that's part of what I didn't do well in our martiage some of the time- although his behavior toward me and EA contributed greatly to that. I wasn't closed off shortly after BD, but now I seem to need that space. It's just too painful not to have the walls up right now. I don't want to make things worse- but this is where I'm at. Off to round and hopefully regroup my brain before dinner.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Well I made it for the most part. At one point we realized one of the hot water heaters was broken. H was talking about how expensive they are to replace. Then we went in the garage to look at it. He says " I didn't mean to stress you". I said, with some tears " I know but I'm about to go to an IRS hearing next week to see how much I have to pay them and now the expense of this- it's just stressing me out." He made a gesture not to stress it and then I said I'll figure it out. He asked if I wanted him to leave. I responded no ( probably a little too desperately). Then he just reached over and hugged me- first time in a couple of months with any contact. It was very nice. We had a great meal and prepared things together. I made a sweet potato casserole for the first time ever, and he said it was good ( in a surprised tone- but that's fair- he's the cook between the two of us). He played outside for awhile with S7. Then came inside. Demeanor seemed to change a bit- more contemplative. Our older kids decided to go to a movie and a few min later he said he was going to go home and go to sleep. I said really this early? And he said he hadn't been feeling well last couple of days. I said ok- both thanked each other for nice meal and off he went. Of course my brain starts wondering...... Is he going to spend some time with someone else? I even thought about driving by his place. Then thought about it- not going to help- doesn't really matter right now. He's a lost little boy that still has some work to do before he potentially finds his way home.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
H did something really nice this morning. He called me around 8 to let me know had already set up for someone to bring me a loaner hot water heater and then in two weeks will install new one. He negotiated a decent price to replace both of them as if one broke I'm sure the other one is soon. It was really, really helpful- took some stress off and I made sure to thank him. He's taking D13 and friend out 4 wheeling today. It's my day to hang with S8- I see Christmas decorating in our future!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
I'm glad he arranged for some assistance w/your hot water heater. It's definitely not something you can live without for very long. He's smart in getting both of them replaced.
Enjoy the decorating this afternoon!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job- it was very helpful. S8 and I had a blast picking out decorations and he even put a mini tree in his room and put ornaments on it. I'm glad that despite everything I have some Christmas spirit!
So new stressor today- my mom was visiting family out of state over the holiday and apparently started having headaches and weird symptoms. Then this afternoon she apparently fell when getting up from a chair and they rushed her to hospital. I just talked to doc and she has bleeding in the brain and is not coherent. He is worried about aneurysm. The first person I called was H. I just needed to at least talk it out. He was very kind and concerned. I want to fly out there but I have the IRS hearing on Tuesday and I don't know if they would allow me to reschedule. If I don't go they could start takings wages which would be devastating since I'm the only one with income right now. I can't let my kids be affected by the dumb decisions H made with taxes. H said he would go for me but I think it has to be me since I'm the one negotiating a pay back schedule. In any case if things get worse with my mom I'll go and try and figure it out. Otherwise will fly out Tues evening. H said he will help me with whatever I need. Please say some prayers for her.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
