Now that you realize the dynamic, you have an opportunity to PRACTICE (in your head, or -- even better -- out loud when no one is around to hear you) how you are going to handle it next time she pulls this VERY predictable string.
"Wow, I'm sorry to hear all of that. It certainly wasn't my intent to upset you. Look, I'd love to talk but I've got someplace I've gotta be. Talk more later?"
or, if texting:
"I've decided I'm no longer willing to engage in these text wars with you. If it's important, we can discuss it in person, calmly, and if it's not then this is just a cheeseless tunnel and not a good use of my energy. Gotta run."
^^^ Agreed ... and just to add some advice once you do this ... grab the Spew Jacket and get ready for her to test you on this boundary because she will ... very hard.
^^^ Agreed ... and just to add some advice once you do this ... grab the Spew Jacket and get ready for her to test you on this boundary because she will ... very hard.
^^^ Agreed ... and just to add some advice once you do this ... grab the Spew Jacket and get ready for her to test you on this boundary because she will ... very hard.
Yep. Bank on it.
She did yesterday. That's where I folded. When it became clear I was going to the gym instead of listening to her, that's when she started screaming that she hated me and I ruined her life.
I managed to leave, get to the gym. She called me 10 minutes later, berating me for walking out on her. Like a fool, I got back in the car and came home.
I started strong, but didn't finish strong. More separation is needed clearly.
Last edited by Rzrback; 11/20/1405:01 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Yeah, Rzr...your W is acting like a petulant 2-year old who didn't get her way and she's stomping her feet. You've been around the block (or two) with your kiddos. Ignore the tantrum and it'll die a natural death by stepping away from it.
You hit the nail on the head. She actually kicked something last night. Never saw her do that before. I'm sure she'll give me another opportunity to DB tonight
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
You atleast have figured out a big part of this puzzle. A woman can not respect a man who she can walk over ... this is you. Now we are not saying to steam roll her byu any means .. but you are a "Nice Guy" ... a "Fixer" ... I am too ... and its a thing we HAVE to change about ourselves.
When you walk like you did ... you know your phone is going to blow up.... Dont reply to the TM, do not answer the call ... I can tell you its tough .... funny story .. I started doing this .. knew she would blow my stuff up .. so I let the phone go off .. ignored it and continued working ... my phone at work rings and I instintively pick it up and say "Goodmorning...BLa Bla Company this is Cali how can I help you?" The voice on the other end shocked me with "You can help me by picking up your damn phone ... spew spew spew" I actually laugh now .... I politely told her I would discuss things with her when we could be civil... notice I did not say "When you calm down" in my experience this just put her into orbit and more rage.
You have this .. its not easy .. but setting boundaries and letting her know she is not going to treat you like chit anymore will actually start you both on the road of respect. She can not love you if she does not start respecting you.
I thought I was doing OK on the DBing, but this is a new level. Hard for sure but necessary. The hatefulness from her is actually a new development. She's in an anger stage about her sitch for sure
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I politely told her I would discuss things with her when we could be civil... notice I did not say "When you calm down" in my experience this just put her into orbit and more rage.
