At least she figured out how to fend for herself. Sheesh.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Well I spent my last night with the kids for five days at the old house. She got the propane filled by the county for free. But the furnace wouldn't turn on. Since my kids live there, I went over and fixed for them last night. After 3 hours I finally got it fixed. Didn't talk to her to much. A few convos. She apreantly got one of those awesome count down calendars for Christmas, that I've always wanted. There was no heat in the house so she had on twenty layers of clothes, all North Face. I made a comment which I just don't care anymore. "Must be nice to have all those North Face coats and sweatshirts". As I pay for everything for the kids and could barley afford a winter jacket for myself. Frustrating OM buys all this stuff for her yet she complains about money and stuff. I tell the kids time to go as it was way past there bed times. And she gives me a sad face. I say it way past there bed times. And she says yah I thought about that I could of brought them home and put them to bed for you. I said yah it will be fun tonight getting them to bed there all jacked up like they just had a ton of pop. She said sorry. And I said don't worry I've put them to bed for 9 to 10 months by myself and I'm sure I'll put them to bed for the rest of my life like that. She said well that was mean. I said sorry I didn't want it to sound mean. I was just stating a fact. Me and the kids said goodbye and left. She sent a text this morning saying " I really appreciate you helping me last night, thank you!!! I hope you have a good day! :)". I sent back "no problem, your welcome. You also :)". I know what's going on OM is out of town and now she is lonely. So kids will be important and she will call and text me more.
I can't tell a lie I checked my Facebook messages and her sister is coming into town from Texas. She wants to meet up and let me see the kids. Which is great! Then for some stupid reason I looked at the wife's page nothing new on it. EXCEPT she finally changed her status to separated. I can't lie this hurts so bad. Why did I check that? Why do I even put any effort into this if I know I'm going to get hurt by it all. I put to much thought on her when she says stuff about moving in with us and every thing. When she says well I could just move in with you and I say you can't when your with other man. And she says I know and I wouldn't be. No matter what it gets my hopes up that she is still thinking about our family. When reality hits she thinks about us but when OM is around we are nothing. Like the oldest said to me on the way home "when is she going to come out of this dad. She didn't even know I had a basketball tournament this next weekend until I told her tonight. I miss mom." That stuff hurts.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Your daughter misses her real mom. That's just her mother's body possessed by another personality.
Quote:
I made a comment which I just don't care anymore. "Must be nice to have all those North Face coats and sweatshirts". As I pay for everything for the kids and could barley afford a winter jacket for myself. Frustrating OM buys all this stuff for her yet she complains about money and stuff. I tell the kids time to go as it was way past there bed times. And she gives me a sad face. I say it way past there bed times. And she says yah I thought about that I could of brought them home and put them to bed for you. I said yah it will be fun tonight getting them to bed there all jacked up like they just had a ton of pop. She said sorry. And I said don't worry I've put them to bed for 9 to 10 months by myself and I'm sure I'll put them to bed for the rest of my life like that.
Okay, so why oh why did you say this stuff? Are you saying you don't care anymore is why you said it? B/c a blind person could see how it all gets to you. Nobody could really blame you for not liking the situation, but it makes you look kind of pathetic when you make comments like this. You are a better man than to stoop to this level. You talk to her like YOU are the looser. STFU!
You really opened the door if she had wanted to make some hurtful replies to you. You need to start talking and acting like you are a winner in life (not Charlie Sheen kind) but for real. She is the one who is loosing. Can you not see it? She is ADDICTED.
You could have chosen to use this time as an opportunity to shine. But you chose not to......is that what you mean by not caring anymore? If you choose to give up on her and R the M, that's one thing......but don't allow it to leave you talking like a bitter man, b/c you will turn into a bitter OLD man. Who wants memories of a dad who was bitter? Who wants to be friends with anyone like this? Who wants to live his life like that? Not you. You want better.
((3kids)) I know it still hurts. Please do not tell yourself you don't care anymore......and then settle into this slump. Rise above this type of attitude and be the man you are meant to be.
How is the GAL coming?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi I did really make a good show of it except for those two little comments. All I said in the first comment must be nice to have all those north face cloths. The rest I kept to myself. The second she took as is being hurtful like, we will both be putting the kids to bed alone for the rest of there lives( not together). After this morning thank you from her I did send of an apology for saying the mean comment. I think I was more frustrated that it was my last night with them and I had to fix her furnace(yes I know it ours but OM is there half the time). It was weak but it's a marathon not a sprint. Suck it up that I FU and move on. I am a better man. And I know it! Other wise I wouldn't still be in the picture. My GAL is terrible right now. I am so broke it [censored]. Fighting with insurance(double billing) and Christmas. Barely money to by toilet paper, let alone gas to go anywhere. This week I scrounged up 20 bucks to go bowling and just got invited to a Christmas Eve Eve party with some new friends. I just messed up last night.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
So I get a text at 3:30am from the wife saying "the little one has a fever of 102.7. Poor little guy is so sick. Tomorrow is my last day of regular class so I guess I'm stuck. :(". Now I didn't respond at that time because I thought she is a good mom he is ok, and it's time for her to deal with real life situations. But I did call when I got to work to see how he was doing. And told her to give my mom a call to see if she could watch him for her. She declined. After a bit I remembered the promise I gave her a long time ago to help her out with the kids for college. So I sent a text saying if you need you can drop him off at my work with me. My work is pretty flexible so it's not a problem. And we could leave as soon as I got help in to cover. She replied thanks, I'll let you know.
Do I offer this stuff? Yes I made the promise but she should have to deal with life by herself also.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Not only are you better than stooping to that level to make those kinds of comments, but those comments are is definitely NOT examples of:
1) leaving the road paved home smooth, and 2) you don't have to be a fool to leave someone who makes those types of comments.
Don't fuel her fire with that stuff! Even more importantly, what's done is done. Learn from it and move forward (don't beat yourself up). When you are in a moment like that, consciously realize what is happening to your mind and refuse to allow yourself to go there. In the beginning that may even mean leaving the room or the area altogether to stop yourself. In time, as you gain control of your awareness and emotions, it will become easier to control.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Well I did end up watching the youngest today. Great day to get out of work and snuggle with the youngest. The wife came over and picked him up. She then sat around for an hour and half. We had a great convo about her school and finals next week. Totally validated and worked on her love language. Nailed it. Found out her next school semester schedule. She made comments on how we should have bought the neighbors house or the other neighbors house. Then she talked about how she could see all our furniture here. And she would do this and that to the place. But then comes back with a comment on how it would be weird to live in a place that I got by myself and we didn't get together. Know I really focused at this point because that is where my close mindedness would have come back. And I think I made the correct comment "that's the great part if we did work something out, I don't have a contract with the landlord so we could always choose a different place." After that part the convo would go good comment to bad comment. She made comments on I assume to much with her and OM. There was even parts where I was holding the youngest and she would rest her hands on my leg or I was hugging him and she come in and almost go for a family hug and pull back and try to tickle him and rest her hands on my arms and hands. Talked about insurance and how my boss was dropping of the stuff today for me to look over. She asked if I wanted to smoke before she left and I did. Of course she asked if I had bowling tonight and I said yes. This part I don't get. She asked about couples bowling and if they have it. I said yes they do why you interested. She didn't say anything smiled and laughed a little. She thanked me for helping her out and we said good bye and she left.
After that convo I feel like I did a month a ago, confused. I'm going to have to go back a month ago on my sich and see if it the same stuff.
Thanks PM I totally see what you are talking about. I was not controlling myself the best I could. And it totally showed. Remember to control myself but forget that bad part happened.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
It was just like a month and a half ago. Except two things she was more depressed and now instead of moving in with OM she is thinking about apartment instead. Both are still living with me and the kids. Except this time she was really looking at the house and where every thing would go and what she would buy to go where. Time to go bowling and make new friends. I wish it was like when I was younger. You would go out make new friends and with in a day or so they would call you and do stuff. Now every one has families.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
You have to stop jumping on every little word, thinking she is implying there is a future together. Why are you so quick to assure her of your willingness? She needs to wonder if you would take her back. She has been a bad girl, but you keep letting her know that it is okay and she can always come home to you whenever she wants.
You put yourself out there in the "always available" lane, and it will turn off a WAW who is/has been in an A. Even if your W and OM broke up, she may not be interested in coming back to "you", as much as she would be interested in what is provided to her. You know, the benefits without the commitment and/or the attraction.
She takes it for granted you would have no problem if she decides to come back.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
