Wife having emotional affair part 4

[3kids]

So so busy yesterday and today so more to come.

Yesterday the wife asked me to come over and watch the football game and then go up north and pick up the oldest. I went over and watched the football game but declined going up north because I had some more hunting to do( last night of deer season). Which was good I think. Showed I'm not going to drop everything for her. She was sad that we couldn't spend more time together. But we did spend some time together. Good enough for now.

To answer Sandi, yes she used those words. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I think this is all very good for right now. Yes she doesn't want to jump back with me but I don't want to jump back with her either. She's got some sole searching to do and with OM out of the picture maybe she can figure out some things. She did say me and the kids do make her happy. Sandi she also said she ended it with him. He apparently is not very happy about it either. While I was there ( maybe 2 hours) he called 5 times and probably another 7-10 text I'm guessing. She even said he is getting very annoying(he just bought her a new laptop,ouch).

Sorry to cut it short more later, time to go track down the deer I wounded last night(first deer every,heck yah). So happy!

[bravo61]

awesome news. now SLOW down! this could be just a tease. go into with your eyes wide open. optimistically happy for you. prayers. now send all the rest of us some of your mojo!

[3kids]

So had some time finally. Don't think I totally understood the wife. Got the kids back and if she told the kids that her and OM broke up they aren't acting like it. They would be pretty happy if that's what she told them and would have said something to me. So I don't know what she talked about with them. Maybe it was more about there happiness. During our convo on Sunday morning she did say she was not happy with him. That he had a ton of red flags. She mentioned that she always was doing things to make other people happy and not herself(OM and his life). I don't know what's going on with her right know. Maybe she is just trying to sort out some stuff with herself. The convo kind of reminded me of some convoes that I had with her mom and sister. She even mentioned how her family was very important with her life and her kids. How if the divorce is what she wanted she needed to figure it out with out other distractions in her life that would not go anywhere. She just wanted to focus on work, school and the kids and nothing else for a while. Clear her head.

When I got to the house on Sunday, we got talking about the selling of the house. How things would start to move faster now, price would start to go lower and lower. She mentioned she just wishes she could not live there and we could just set it up for walk throughs and never have to clean it. (She knows she has to move soon and with out OM she has no place to go). We started talking about health insurance and how now we can start looking for it. Minny just reopened up its health care system. And some things we can do since she is a college student and family size. I had to let the cat out of the bag about my recent raise and she was very happy for me. I made a comment about how it's going to screw me over in taxes or something to that affect. And she said no it won't because we are still going to file married because you have to be divorce by the end of the year for it to matter(so she has no intention of filing before the end of the year). Talked about time on thanksgiving, how to split up the day(kinda).

So confused about what's up with her but happy she's finally trying to figure out her problems. Because in one sentence on Sunday it sounds like she has plans of wanting to make it work and moving in. Then in the next it's two separate christmas plans. She wants to hang out together then doesn't call me. O well I just hope it keeps going in the right direction. That's all I can hope right now. And trust me I am not jumping all over her showing I want her back more than anything. Just doing my thing and keeping the road paved smooth.

[sandi2]

So she didn't talk to the kids in front of you. Did she actually say she told them she had ended things with OM, or do you think you heard what you wanted to hear?

I'm sorry, b/c it must be terribly disappointing for you. If she will stay away from contacting him, maybe she will begin to turn back. It sounds as if he's not going to give up easily. if she's tired of him, he may hang himself with her. I just hope she doesn't find OM2.

[3kids]

Way to end your post on a happy note Sandi. Thanks a lot. Ha ha ha

I think I just misunderstood during our convo what she was talking to the kids about. OM has hung himself already I think. O well just keep living my life.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

In my situation I found that until my wife actually went to absolutely no contact with the OM that our situation really didn't change. Good days and bad days occurred but no actual progress.

If she truly ends it...encourage her to end it for good. Saying she needs to figure things out without interference while still talking to OM as friends IS interference.

I also heard the "red flags" speech. How if she were single she wouldn't have even dated the OM. He's not her type. He's kind of boring. He's not really friendly. blah, blah, blah. It was all cake eating while she continued having me and OM battle it out for her time and attention.

Then you'll get the "I don't need or want any men" argument. Which you can volunteer to leave her absolutely alone to "figure things out" only if she promises to go VERIFIABLY no contact with OM. It's "space" from OM she truly needs to figure out what's truly important to her (da!!!!, her family).

Dawgs.

[sandi2]

When I started coming out of the fog, I begin to see slip ups the cool OM was making. (There is no telling how many women he was dangling at once.) The timing was about perfect for me to able to stop the contact. However, if I had not had the information from the board about the PEAs and how the addiction works....it would have been harder, I believe, when I was going through the withdrawal stage.

I faced the reality that I wanted the ego BS he gave me b/c it made me feel special. I had to face the reality of some other things, too. Man, did I feel like the ultimate fool.

[3kids]

I don't know what's up with her right now. Since Sunday there hasn't been any real contact( her to me). She sent one text about my deer and that's it. Then last night some questions about Thanksgiving. She wanted to know if I could take the kids Wednesday night so she could work in the morning and make double pay. I said sure and she can pick up the kids after work. I asked what her family was doing for Thanksgiving and she said nothing(no surprise we where the ones that always put it together). I asked if she wanted to come with us to my families and she declined. Saying yah right last time I seen your sister she barely said two words to me. I said well that was the only time she has seen you since all this has started. I said your more than welcome to come with or we could have dinner here(a little to pursuing I think, maybe). She said well I get a turkey dinner at work and I think I'm going to take the kids to a movie that night but thanks anyway. I said ok it's out there if you want to. She asked if it was possible for me to take the kids to the school Thanksgiving dance if need be because she didn't know if she would be back in time from her school. And I said sure since I'll have them that night anyways. She asked if she could steal the kids for our nephews birthday party in a couple of weeks for a couple of hours. I agreed(hurts because that's my favorite nephew on her side). Funny no talk about Christmas yet because birthday party is the weekend before.

I don't know where she's at in life choices right now. But something is in the brew I think. I just talked with the realtor and he said it's going to go pretty fast now that he's going to lower the price major this time. Expects it to go with in two months. And he informed her of all this as well. She has really no place to go now that she ended it with OM(maybe). Even though that was just last weekend. Part of me wonders what's going on but I have got to stay in the phase of not caring. I catch my self mind reading and that's not good. She gives that little spot of pursuing me and it's got me kind of messed up. Wanting to do stuff with me and then no contact again. ODD! All I know is she plans on no divorce before the end of the year. And she didn't say no it would confuse the kids to the Thanksgiving plans. Like she would have said in the past. So there is still a little hope.

Anybody got any great Gluten free Thanksgiving side dishes they would like to share?

[sandi2]

I have a tip. Whenever you make that first invitation and she turns it down, do not try to get her to accept another invitation. It is fine to ask her to join that first time, but don't just keep pushing and don't throw in a different invitation.

FWIW, she probably would feel uncomfortable around your family the first time.

I think she gave a clear signal she didn't want to be with you Thanksgiving if she is choosing to go to the movies with the kids (this far in advance). So, pull back some.

[3kids]

Real quick. I don't understand something. Last night I took the kids to the community center to go swimming. I used her membership for them and paid for myself. While we where there. She sent a text asking what we where up to. I told her and said I would pay her instead of paying the center for the kids. And added that we were doing something special today. She said that's fine and I told her that I would text her later. I text her later and she asked what the special thing was and I asked jokingly are you interested. She said I work a double. She said fine don't tell me. I told her don't get mad it's ice skating. She said well it's suppose to be nice out have fun. I told her it's inside at a rink. And she said even better. Told her she's welcome to join and she said I work a double. I said well if you can get off let me know. She said ok thanks. Goodnight and tell the kids I love them.

Is what your talking about her pursuing me but why is she getting mad if I invite her. Or is not mad about that and she is just mad about me doing new and fun things with the kids. I just don't want to push her away at this time. I mean she asked what we where doing so I'm not going to lie to her. Or do I not invite her. Confused!