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Maybell #2509090 11/20/14 03:05 AM
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Answering my own question... I live in the moment and take in the view. Adjust my footing as needed and invite the people who care about me to share in it.

See? I can learn. Just a little slow on the processing speed. wink


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2509161 11/20/14 01:38 PM
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I wouldn't say you're slow, maybe uncomfortable with your inability to pin life down. I liked your comeback post.

Did you ever go into a funhouse with shaky floors and the first couple of steps you walk like you're drunk and maybe even stumble a bit. Then as you get the hang of how to balance and make progress you can move along at a pretty good pace with the occasional misstep requiring readjustment.

That's the reality of life.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
labug #2509252 11/20/14 05:49 PM
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That's what I mean by the right words. I know you've been telling me this for months, but somehow "inability to pin life down" is getting through today. Thank you,Yoda.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2509320 11/20/14 08:12 PM
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Trying to accept how things are now... I asked him for a recipe by email. Because the kids liked his preparation so much. This is a 180 from being Queen of the kitchen. But also something I'd do with anybody. We'll see what happens. We've been communicating a lot since I started working again. You know, all three days.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2509321 11/20/14 08:14 PM
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You crack me up! Thanks.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
labug #2509436 11/21/14 12:31 AM
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Maybell Offline OP
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I feel like I want to say to my H, "Can we start over from scratch?" And get to know one another fresh again. I just really miss him. We both screwed up so badly. But I really love him. He matters so much to me. Is there some way to say that?


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2509442 11/21/14 12:48 AM
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Maybell,

Congrats on the new gig! I hope things are going well and it sounds like you and h are communicating well.

I'm just going to toss this out there and it is simply an observation. You are one of the more rapid changers of threads I follow. I know it's difficult to be (said woman who is a giant freaking ball of anxiety:), however it seems to me that you really *feel* each interaction with your h and change perceptions quickly. Perhaps you are anxious for something to transpire? And if so, I totally understand. I'm not saying it's good or bad. It's not for me to decide. However, I think it's interesting you *feel* and try to go with each interaction with your h. That's probably articulated terribly by me so please know I do not intend to offend with that convoluted analysis.

Glad you are having a good 1st week!



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Maybell,
in a nutshell, no you can't tell him that. i feel for you and empathize, i really do! every day i want to scream the same thing at the top of my lungs to my wife and profess my undying love and loyalty to her. the sad thing is is that right now they don't want that or us in point of fact. is that crazy? you bet your ass it is. but I believe in you and who you can be. if you are struggling, try to break down the day into smaller increments. such as my goal is to not cry 1 time in the next 30 min. when you accomplish that goal, celebrate it. maybe the achievements, small as they may be, will start to snowball and the resulting confidence will do you wonders.

prayers for you.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

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Are you saying I'm super reactive?

I'm not going to get offended. I know I'm a bit of a mess.

Kids and I have gone back to watching the show we all watched together as a family before H left. He's been very friendly and helpful to me and I'm seeing his best side which I haven't seen in years. The holidays are coming and I'm spending Thanksgiving alone with just friends for the first time ever. (Intentionally, but still...)

I love him anyway but he's been so kind and pleasant and when I see him we look in one another's eyes and smile and I miss him. All this ILYB and affair stuff happened in the midst of three huge life transitions so I'm having a hard time believing it's how he's been feeling for years.

I want to be married to him and to no one but him. I have things to atone for too. I'd like to have the chance to know him again and to be known for who I really am and not so much the lonely, scared, overwhelmed person I was for such a long time.

I know. Marathon. I didn't expect I'd get encouragement. But I do truly miss him. I know we all do.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2509447 11/21/14 01:10 AM
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Bravo, I'm really functioning fine. I just honestly miss him. I'm not used to people I want to know better being out of my reach.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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