Blindsided and on my own (9)

[SunnyB]

And to clarify, addicts NEED the hit or they get physically ill.

Your H and the duck just WANT it.

And there you have hit on my entire issue. H wants the duck more than he wants his daughter. And I have a huge problem with that. Huge.

[Wonka]

RPP,

I want to share you a story about one of my late father's affairs that will make your blood boil.

During one Thanksgiving holiday, I flew in to spend the time with my family. Dad? At that time, he was full-on deep into his A with the OW he was involved with and HE chose not to spend Thanksgiving with me. Where was he? Yup, with the OW and her husband at THEIR house.

That demonstrates the extent of the foggy thinking displayed by affair partners. They'll slink off into some other room to phone or text the OM/OW.

Take me for instance. I had my own OW while in the midst of my own MLC chit and I was a world champion smartphone hogger. I was deep in my own fog. Wow. People who are normally rational become irrational overnight when there's OW/OM. All we thought was getting our next "hit" of the dopamine.

Not too different to meth heads. They're NOT right in their heads. Seriously.

And getting the next "hit" was a distraction from dwelling on my own misery. Think about it, RPP.

[nit84]

Wonka, You couldn't be more right about what you wrote above. My WAW has said things to the OMW that takes a lot B**ls to say but that is how she needs to be to hang onto OM.

The shame of it is from what the OMW tells me my W is being used by OM in her opinion.

I have no control over that and it is her choice but it makes me wonder if OM wasn't in picture would my W be willing to work on things or is she that "done" that even if there was no OM it still wouldn't mean she would be receptive to a renewed M with me.

[Jefe]

Wonks and Mozzarella, both excellent points. Rpp, you have to remember that he is very ill and until he comes out of the fog the sickness will linger.

I can say without a doubt that my wife and I were getting very close to working this thing out and piecing until OM2 entered the picture. The very day she met this guy her entire demeanor changed she threatened divorce the first time 3 days later. It's powerful. Just last week I watched her come late on Saturday to pick them up because of an "accident". There was no accident, she had to stop by his house and drop off a gift for him that he promptly posted on FB, then she finagled and schemed with her boss to get Monday night off so she could play pool with him, but that following Saturday she was a no show to get them because she had to "work late".

Powerful stuff.

[labug]

He's not ill, he's making a choice.

[Wonka]

Bug,

You had your own OM...remember how that clouded your thinking? That is what I mean by not being right in their head. Mind you, I am not suggesting that they're ill any more than the next person choosing meth or OW/OM. The pull of the next "fix" is very powerful until YOU decide to end it...right?

[labug]

I was responding to Jefe. My thinking may have been clouded but in the moment I was functioning just fine. As I said, I didn't need the fix, I wanted it.

I was making a choice and I knew it.

Saying I was ill is disrespectful to people who are really ill. Some people in As may be depressed but that's another issue. It wasn't mine at the time.

That came later.

YMMV

[Wonka]

Bug,

Thanks for explaining your own experience. I went back to my post and in no shape, manner or fashion did I say you or someone was "ill." Simply said that not right in their head as in clouded thinking.

For me, I appeared to function fine. Oh yeah...I too very much WANTED that "fix" as well. With that mindset, we're not thinking clearly or rationally. As you stand now, you are more self-aware not to seek out another OM. As I would not do so either. Simply because we've been to that other side and KNOW how it impacted our thought process.

I would hope that you did not feel disrespected by my earlier comments nor was that my intention. Ever.

Peace, sistah!

[labug]

Wonka, as I said, I was responding to Jefe. I'm not sure where the confusion came from.

I don't feel disrespected by anything that's been posted.

Perhaps I should have said, "if I say I was ill..." but again, I was responding to Jefe's post.

[Wonka]

Ahhhaaa....I now see that Jefe made the comment and you responded to it, Bug. Oooops! Sheesh...time for reading glasses???