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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2503564&page=11

Opening a new thread before the old one locks. Seems like it's time anyway, as a new chapter starts tomorrow.



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So the rest of yesterday was ok. I offered H some extra kitchen stuff and we went through the cabinets and boxed up what I was willing to give away. I also gave him a few decorative items and some extra paintings. But this morning I noticed that he had taken one I didn't say he could have, a painting that my D12 had done. I had been rearranging some artwork throughout the house because of new purchases over the summer and I had hers off the wall but with a place in mind for it to go, I just hadn't done it yet. If he doesn't give it back I'll be pissed. I realize he has as much right to it as I do but I want it.

Yesterday H and I were driving by his new apartment, it's a place that I will be passing almost daily. He asked if I wanted to see it. I politely declined. I just don't want anything to do with a place I know the duck will be. It feels contaminated to me. I don't know how those of you that eat dinner at your WAS's places do it



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The dividing of the "stuff" was very difficult for me. It seems like you've managed it well so far, up until this particular painting. I wasn't sure by your post.. but did you specifically ask him for it back, or are you hoping/assuming he will give it back? Expectations are resentments waiting to happen, remember? Before getting pissed, make sure he knows you actually want it and discuss why. Is there something else he has or could have that has sentimental value regarding your D? Back in my threads (probably right around when you registered) I had a huge meltdown about a clock, of all things, that H and I had a big fight over who would get it. At the time it seemed like the end of the world.. now I don't think about it very much. Time and perspective helps. Labug had some good things to say during that time smile It's completely, 100% OK for you to not visit or want to see his place. When H and I have to exchange things or he finds something I forgot to take with me, I arrange to meet him at a neutral place, which has worked well for me.


Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
6/14: Separated (I move)
1/15: H filed for D
5/15: D final
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Thanks KGirl. At the time I posted, I had not yet asked for it back. But then I did, and he said he'd bring it back. And then I offered him a couple of different prints in return.

He really isn't taking that much. I offered the kitchen stuff, the paintings, a lamp, a pillow. He's not taking any of the furniture, even though I offered a couple of things. H is not one to decorate in hand me downs, he spent quite a bit of $$ at the furniture store last weekend and it all got delivered Friday. The only thing I really wanted to keep that he's taking is a handmade glass bowl. The glass artist is a friend of H's, and I said he should take it, even though I really wanted it. Small stuff.

There was one item that I suggested H take because it was something he owned before we even met and he'd had it at every place he's ever lived. So I told him to take it. And then D16 came home and asked where it was and was upset that H had taken it. I made it clear it was my doing, but she still didn't like it. I guess there are going to be things like that crop up for some time.



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I'm feeling for you today, rpp. I had to get out of town the day my W moved out. Take care of yourself and know that you're in control of your own life smile


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
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(((rpp)))


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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hugs your way rpp.
Stay strong.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
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Thanks for the thoughts today! This morning was a regular morning, just like any other. Except my D16 had an appointment for training on her new Dexcom. And there' a calibration requirement for it, which wasn't going to work out with her school lunch period. So I ended up dropping her at home, which is not at all what I intended since H was there packing up. She says she didn't mind, that she'd just go in her room and shut the door, and I didn't even go in the house, just dropped her off and came to work. But I'm gonna see him later at D12's basketball game anyway. Going dark is going to take some real effort on my behalf.



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Update: H just texted me asking about the Dexcom appointment. I'm going to have to reply. Oy vey!



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rpp,

This will feel weird for a while. I've been separated for three months and the "normal" interactions that STBX and I have about homework assignments, etc., always throw me off balance because there's such a gaping cognitive dissonance between the tone of these interactions and the tone of the overall situation. I'm sure it gets better.

Last edited by raliced; 11/17/14 06:07 PM.

2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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