Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
D
Devaste Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
So, the last chapter lasted the longest ever, not sure if that is good or bad. Anyone who wants to read all my story, can follow the links below:
I've also made a post below of the last post I made, as I think the thread will be locked soon.



http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2435361#Post2435361

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2447819#Post2447819

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2458498#Post2458498

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2466660#Post2466660

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2479445#Post2479445


All five chapters to date as I approach almost one year......crazy times

Thanks for reading, and as always, appreciate all the feedback and people who comment!

Cheers

Dev


Me: 40
Wife: 38
M: 10. T: 18
S: 8, D: 6, S: 4
BD 02/01/14
Asked her to leave 02/01/14

Keeping the dream alive
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
D
Devaste Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
Hey Peter,

Thanks for checking in. It's been a really busy time with a lot going on. My W introduced the kids to her A partner on the weekend. It upset me the way she handled it, and made me sad a bit, but not too bad actually. I just thought it was a bit inappropriate to have him sleep over at the cabin she rented. Te kids were confused. I asked my D6 what the favorite part of her weekend was, and she said the beach, and then I asked what the worst part was, and she said "mommy's friend". My W was pretty concerned about me reinforcing it's ok for her to have male friends. She then went so far as to text me and ask if she could call the kids that night. I think she's pretty concerned about their reactions. Besides making sure my children know I love them and my love is unconditional, I don't really think it's my place to tell the kids mom's OM is ok. What am I teaching them?

The week flew along and then last night we had to speak on the phone regarding some tax information. I know she saw her L on Tuesday as did I. She is scared about the impending D, and worried financially. One of her friends that speaks to both of us told me that. When my W complained to her she said "What did you think would happen?" It was nice to hear that someone vocalized that to her.

During our phone conversation, she told me she was planning on committing suicide on Veterans Day. That way people would remember her. She said she had it all planned out. It's disturbing and sad, and I struggle with setting up help for her. I've asked her to see her Dr and tell her Dr. what is going on. I will be following up on that. It's almost like she reaches out for help to me because she knows I still care, or because she trusts me so much. But really she despises me. It can be confusing.

Big weekend coming up with the kids, I can't wait. I'll post more this weekend.

Cheers,

Dev

Last edited by Devaste; 11/14/14 10:06 PM.

Me: 40
Wife: 38
M: 10. T: 18
S: 8, D: 6, S: 4
BD 02/01/14
Asked her to leave 02/01/14

Keeping the dream alive
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Hi Dev. You definitely should not say it's ok for mommy to have male friends (without you present). After my first wife kicked me out she actually had the OM sleeping on her couch and telling my kids he just needed a place to stay and was helping around the house. My kids were confused but eventually figured it out. Now 10 years later my sons have a conflicted relationship with their mother. But hey, that's water under the bridge.

As for the suicide threat, that definitely seems to be a cry for help. Seems to be a consistent thread with her. However, I would not sweep it under the rug. I perhaps would have called the police on Veterans Day to check up on her. You don't want to be perceived as running when she calls, but her threats should be taken seriously. If she mentions it again, I would just ask her why she would want to hurt her own children by doing that.

I can see she's conflicted with her life. Too bad she doesn't see reconciliation as a viable option.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Dev,

Your W is a very stuck person. Many, many years ago I dated this emotionally disturbed woman in my early college years and she's given to suicide attempts. I came to rescue her a few times until one day she told me she would do it. At that very moment, I had an awakening and flat out told her, "Go ahead and do it."

That was the beginning of the end of our R. I visited her in the psych ward once. Then afterward, I ended her R by gathering up our roommates and we told this XGF that she had a choice: move out or we all will move out. She chose to move out. That was that.

BTW, I had already called her mother about those incidents.

The moral of the story is: I was done giving in to her emotional blackmail attempts.

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
D
Devaste Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
Peter and Wonka,

Thanks for your input. I agree it's sad Peter. She doesn't see reconciliation as an option at all. I also agree it's not ok what she's doing now, and I'm not going to purport to my kids that it is.

Wonka, it's emotional blackmail at it's worst I would have to agree. I too have passed on my concerns to her doctor, the police, and her family.

Quick update from me, I've been doing really well and keeping very busy. Feel good about myself, been getting lots of GAL in, and have really been enjoying my kids. My W also fails 3/4 of the time in her activities with the kids. I'm seeing them often when it's not my time, as I coach them in their activities.

My W again told me she did not want to live and was going to kill herself. I told her family and called the police and mental health unit. She has an appointment with her doctor and will hopefully be referred to a psychiatrist. I'm tired of her family not believing me. I hope she gets the help she required to function with the kids. If not, I'm going to need to seek increased custody if she is not safe. I absolutely despise letting her fail when my kids are at risk. It doesn't feel right. When they call me or ask for things when they are with her, I feel I need to respond. I've moved ahead with counselling for the kids, who have witnessed mom threaten suicide a few times now, and that seems to be going well.

A few things, I think my W is a bit bipolar, has a bit of borderline personality disorder, and is depressed. Much of this stems from her inability to function with the kids, her social anxiety, and her mental state. I'm sad for her and the kids. I can't understand going through life everyday wanting to die or thinking my kids will be better off without me. That's what she tells me all the time. Incredibly sad, and I feel fortunate that relatively speaking, I'm pretty stable wink

All is good in the house of Dev. Changes are a coming. I'm controlling my life, my interactions, and being consistent and true to myself. I couldn't be happier right now.

Cheers

Dev


Me: 40
Wife: 38
M: 10. T: 18
S: 8, D: 6, S: 4
BD 02/01/14
Asked her to leave 02/01/14

Keeping the dream alive
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Hi Dev. Yeah I know it's hard when you have a spouse with mental health issues. My W has been suffering from PTSD Complex for the past 5 years and I'm sure that played a part in her walking away, as much as my lack of meeting her needs or speaking her LL. She still says she's depressed and not stable. But now that she's moved home she's starting to feel better. She also claimed to have ideations of suicide a year ago so I know your concerns. A good therapist helps.

Great to hear that you're doing well and looking after your kids well. Read that book: Hold On To Your NUTs.

Keep up the great PMA.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Dev,

How's my Tarzan doing? How are your kids doing? Please do update us when you have the time.

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
D
Devaste Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
Thanks for checking in Wonka and Peter,

I'm great!! Doing well, kids are doing well when they are with me.

Had a minor storm when I deposited my cheque into my own account and put some money in the joint account to cover expenses. I think she thought I would just keep bankrolling two homes and her lifestyle. Unfortunately not feasible.

Anyways, lots more to write but I'm tired!!! Speaking to my L tomorrow, so I will update more after that.

Cheers

Dev


Me: 40
Wife: 38
M: 10. T: 18
S: 8, D: 6, S: 4
BD 02/01/14
Asked her to leave 02/01/14

Keeping the dream alive
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
D
Devaste Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
Hello everyone,

Just wanted to shout out to all those on here who are experiencing their first Christmas with new family circumstances. Personally this is the first Christmas that I will not see my kids in the AM right away. I'm thankful though that I will see them in the afternoon, and I'm also thankful for the silver lining of the support network that exists on this website. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. May the new year bring great things to all of you.

Cheers,

Devaste


Me: 40
Wife: 38
M: 10. T: 18
S: 8, D: 6, S: 4
BD 02/01/14
Asked her to leave 02/01/14

Keeping the dream alive
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Good to hear from you Dev.

I know it has to be hard not to have the kids in the morning.

We're still playing "happy family" while the D slowly proceeds and the kids "don't know", and that feels pretty empty too, but we're making the best of it.

I have decided that the new year will be better - the year of Zew. Happy Holidays to you, too.

Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard