Hi everyone. Time for a new thread, Been off the boards last couple days. Trying to get my life going in the right direction, make some money, take care of D14. Talked to my lawyer and it seems that my W's lawyer now wants to go to mediation! This is what I wanted to do from the start but W went ahead and hired her own lawyer with her daddy's money forcing me to hire my own and causing us both to spend money we just didn't have. Now, when it looks like she may lose trying to make me lose the house, she wants to fire our lawyers, spend more money on a mediator and it just so happens HER lawyer is a mediator! My lawyer told them that that was a bad idea and that we should meet and try to hash out an agreement before doing something like that. I swear, why they just won't listen to us, how they have to do things the way they want, how anything we say is seen as just some way to stop them from getting what they want is so annoying!
I told my lawyer that I have to concentrate on getting a new job and making some money for now so this week wouldn't work. This gives me some time. I have D14 this week and she needed to stay at her mom's one night because she had to be in school early. The night before she called and said she left her make up at my house and needed me to bring it. Knowing how important make up is to 14 year olds, I got up really early to take it to her and take her to school since it was freezing and her mom wouldn't drive her. So, I get there early and I see W. She had no idea I was coming and was surprised to see me. She asked about my job search and I told her I can't find a job south (when I questioned her moving so far south she insisted that I would "easily" find a job south), I told her that I got no response from 43 different resumes but when I had to try north as I can't live without money, I got 5 interviews from just 10 resumes sent! I told her that I think I will be offered a job and where. She understands that it will add 120 miles a day on weeks I have my D14 and I told her that I have no choice as I need money to live. That I would find a way to make it work. Then she just went to work. Amazing how she doesn't seem to care at all about how she has disrupted all our lives.
Later that day my D19 calls me very upset. She asks if I saw what my W had posted on Facebook earlier that day. I told her I hadn't. Seems that she and her mom still aren't getting along. D19 says my W won't stop pushing her to come live with her and also refuses to help her at all with even small expenses she needs to help her go back to school. My D19 has been working so hard, last week she worked 65 hours! She is saving money for school and so she can get a car so she can come back and live with me if she wants while going to school. W keeps telling her what to do and how "wrong" everything she is doing is and unless D19 does what W wants, W refuses to help her at all with money or anything else. W didn't even care that D19 was going to be stuck all alone on Thanks Giving! Well, my W posted this saying on Facebook that basically said that she was tired of living her life to make other people happy and that anyone who asked that of her didn't belong in her life at all. Of course, no one ever asked her to live her life to make them happy, it's the whole reason SHE said that she left was I wasn't able to make her happy! For the last 3 years me and the kids tried so hard to find a way to get their mom to be happy. We all tried so hard to include her, do things SHE wanted to do, treat her the way she wanted to be treated and she thinks she was EVER asked to make any of us happy? What a hypocritical thing to post on Facebook! D19 was almost in tears saying that I guess that includes her own kids since it was clear that her mom didn't want her in her life unless she did what her mom wanted. I feel so bad for D19 but there's nothing I can do about her relationship with her mother. It seems that my W has decided to treat her D19 the way her father treated her. The way that made her so upset and sad because her father refused to allow her in his life unless she did what HE wanted her to. I saw how it hurt her and now she thinks treating her own D the same way is the right thing to do? I get they are in "crisis" and hurting and all but how in the world can they believe the crap that they do and post that like they are such "victims" is beyond me. And poor D19 feels just like her mother did when her father refused to be part of her life. All her life my W would say how she would never treat her kids that way. Now it's how she decides to treat her own D?
Speaking with my D14 this week she has been telling me how she hardly ever see's her mom when she's there. Usually all the talking they do is when her mom gets home she says hello and goes to bed. D14 says she has become used to being alone, having the house to herself. It now feels "weird" when she's home and so is her mother. All I can do is continue to be there for both of them. I'm making plans on going to D19's for TG and taking D14 with me since her mother won't say what plans she has and if she expects D14 to be with her or what. Sad that W seems to not care much about her relationship with either of them but again, it's not my place to do or say anything. That's between their mother and them. I don't ever say anything bad about about my W to them or in front of them (or ever really). But I won't defend her actions either.
I had hoped that my W was calming down a bit. I guess I was wrong. I will say that the longer this selfish attitude continues, the less respect I have for my W. OK, she feels she needs to do the things she's been doing because she's in crisis but how can someone not be able to see how they are hurting their own kids or, if they can see it, not care? There will come a point when she pushes her D's away. How do you live with yourself when you do something like that? It's more important than ever that I get my chit together and get my life moving in the right direction. My D's need me and I'll be darned if I allow myself to not be in the position to help them when they do!
Matt, I second Heather's comment....great for you on the 5 interviews!!! Also for telling your L how you needed to use your next weeks to get your own things in order.
Very nicely done!
And yeah....the fb stuff....pretty immature, huh? Best stay away from the crazy.... You know I got one, too. Yeeesh.
I am having trouble with lawyers too. I am probably going to fire mine on Monday and go pro se which means to represent myself. I am not sure I would recommend this for you. I would say that if you both can select an new impartial mediator that would be the best. I would not use her attorney as the mediator. Too much history. I would interview the mediator together with your wife. If she won't agree, then keep going as u are. In my case I see both lawyers dragging it out to make many thousands more. Since most of it has already been decided, I can save thousand getting rid of my lawyer.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Thanks Guys, Yeah, I was excited. I guess my skill set is needed more north. In fact I really think I will be offered the first position I interviewed for. It sounds like a great job and it has base + commission and bonus. Perfect. Just a long trip when I have my D14! Not as far as the other places I have interviews with though. I have a follow up next week to meet all the staff to see if they like me and if they do, I think I'm in.
LT, When I hired my lawyer, I got him to do the D for a flat fee. That way I wouldn't run up a bill spending more and more all the time. My W (or should I say her father since he was the one who hired him) wasn't smart enough to even ask so W's bills just keep getting higher. This is why she wants a mediator. I don't have to worry about my lawyer costing more so as far as I'm concerned I'm not spending any more money on hiring someone new. If you are looking for a new lawyer, I would see if you can't get him to do it for a flat fee as well!
Hi everyone! Just got an email from the place I interviewed first. They want me to come in and meet everyone next Wednesday. No way that they would bother if they weren't very interested in me. I'm getting crap from the place I am working now. We had to move the offices since the money guy hasn't been paying the rent. So he texts yesterday saying he wants to meet at the new office today. (I've been working from home all week) Either in the morning or afternoon. I text back that my D14 may have an appt. in the AM, I had to check with my W as she isn't sure. So, today at 10:00 AM I get a text saying we are to meet at 3:00 at new office. So, I text back that I have to pick my D14 up from school at 3:45 and the office is 40 min's from the school. Now, if I had a little head's up I could have arranged something but I didn't. So this guy texts back "You can't meet in the morning b/c you have to take your D to appt., and now you can't meet in afternoon because you have to pick up D from school....." then another text right after saying "Don't bother replying". What an a$$hat! Hey, I'm a single parent now. I can't just jump when he says so and leave my D14 hanging! If he'd paid the rent, this wouldn't be happening! I am so glad that I won't be working there much longer. I just feel bad for the clients I will leave behind. They will have to deal with that idiot.
So, last night W calls me about 9:00 PM. She asks if D14 is with me as I had told her I may need to have her stay with W if I had a follow up interview. I told D14 to tell her mom I'm not going to need her to stay but she didn't and W wanted to be sure she was with me and not "missing". She says she has told D14 to text her when she gets home after school and if she is going somewhere and she has been "slacking off" lately. Well, seems W cares about her D, just not enough to come home at a decent hour. W said that even texting will just help retrace her steps if D14 gets abducted. Doesn't she understand how worrying it is that she is leaving D14 all alone like that? Well, I apologized and told her I had thought D14 had told her. W says she is planning to go to see her dad this weekend. It's a several hour trip so I offer to keep D14 until Monday instead of getting her Sunday. That way, W won't have to rush home Sunday. She thanked me and said that would really help her out. I asked her about Thanksgiving and that D19 was going to be all alone and I was going to spend it with her. I said that if she was going to go see her dad, I would take D14. So, W tells me that she had thought about HER having TG and inviting both D19 and ME so we could all spend the day together but with D19 having to go to work that night, it would be hard. Um, really. She didn't say this to D19, me or D14. For my part I said that would work as long as D19 could get back in time for work. Of course, I really don't think it will happen. Just another thing that W "thinks" about doing but doesn't do. I asked about her dad and how he was and he isn't well but I wanted to show sympathy. I was the one to end the talk. W was nice, seemed to care about D19, even said she may invite me and girls to her place for TG dinner. Thing is, I don't think she will. I have no expectation that she will actually do this. It doesn't bother me at all and I like that. I'm becoming more detached every day now. Of course in the past whenever W was nice like this something horrible was about to happen like her demanding I give up the house or her lawyer filing something new so I will be ready for that. In fact, I missed a call from my lawyer today so her lawyer may have done something new, who knows. No expectations! Just glad that she was nice on the call and seemed more like her old self.
So, big day next Wednesday. Everyone wish me luck and cross your fingers for me as it would be great if I could get this job and have at least some money before X-mass! Also, I still may be able to make some money before I leave the place I'm at now. That would be great and I have all next week to do just that. As long as I have enough time to get the money in and get my commission. Hope everyone is doing well out there!
Matt, I do really think that you're getting better about detachment. With your new job, I think it will aid you further along the detachment process. I'd be really interested in hearing how W handles her father's illness and his eventual demise. Time will tell.
Good luck Wednesday! You can do this, Matt. We are cheering you on:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
