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Kimmerz,
Mlcers think that we, the lbs, family, pets, etc., will remain right where they left us pre-crisis. They lose time and when they talk to you about the when something happened or the ages of your children, they are off on the numbers. It's the depression that does this. They truly do not think that we will ever move, redo the home, find new jobs, the children grow up, the pets die and so on. They are like Rip Van Winkle because they go to sleep and life does go on and things do change, and when they finally do begin to wake up, everything has changed.

It's MLC and a bit of narcissism in the mix, as well as depression.

BTW, until he wakes up, if ever, you won't be able to trust a word that comes out of his mouth. If an MLCer's lips are moving, then lies will spew forth.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks job for the information. My H was not a narcissist but he did show some tendencies. At the start of all of this I thought that perhaps I was just crazy all these years and he hid being a narc for 25 years.

The other interesting thing is their sense of time. It occurred to me last night that H has been gone for five months with a only few random texts to his kids. I don't think he has a true sense of how long that is to most families.

Ggrass and Kimmerz. It is a ton of irrational thinking to have to accept from the one person you thought was the most trustworthy isn't it?


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Well Amen and pass the biscuits ladies!

I feel alot better that the 3 things that XH didn't only apply to me! I guess I kinda forgot that time stands still in their mind, but now that's starting to explain alot !

Hence him being able to recall all sorts of things that were doing on 4 years ago with our computers. Maybe that's why it's ok for him to talk about the OW, but when I mentioned I had a boyfriend in which my kids were comfortable with, RADIO SILENCE. LOL. Hmmm. must've forgot he filed for divorce and have been divorced 3 years now.

Honestly I don't know why MLC isn't considered a mental illness!

Honestly, Im really to the point of pulling up a chair and watching the show now as far as he's concerned. I can not believe the things he accused me of and blamed me for, yet dear OW is completely guility of being those things 10 fold!
LOL!! SEE! Like I said, pull up a chair and watch the show!


M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
D14 D11
Divorced 4/2012
XH marries OW 6/2014.
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Quote:
I can not believe the things he accused me of and blamed me for, yet dear OW is completely guility of being those things 10 fold!


This made me chuckle. I don't know much about OM, but my XW accused me of a lot of stuff: controlling and stuff like that. SHE was the controlling one. I was basically accused of what she was. That = projection.

If it makes you feel any better, XW left me because I never "took her to the right grocery store." When I heard this, that's when I KNEW she was nuts.

And yes, MLC should be considered a mental illness.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Oh My Tad, You didn't take her to the right grocery store? LOL!

My ex threw so many reasons as to why he was leaving us I couldn't keep them straight! I think the excuses changed with the wind as far as he's concerned.

And yes the projection they aim at is us pretty big! Everything he accused me of, he had done or was doing in some sort of fashion! Talk about crazy making.

Yet as I look back on it, when things were the most painful and I was the most confused and devastated, was when I took this all seriously! I really thought I had to have done this to cause him to leave!

It will always remain sad, that once was has turned out to be what now is Tad. But it can't be fixed unfortunately. I guess all we can consider is that this was one serious, long and hard life lesson for us, and we are much better off and stronger for it.


M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
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XH marries OW 6/2014.
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Yeah. Funny thing is, her reasons changed with time.

Bomb drop: "You never took me to the right grocery store."

2 years later: "You cheated on me."

1 year after that: "It just wasn't working out."

The grocery store comment came the night before she left when she told me that she could think of one million reasons to leave. I told her to name five. That's when she looked out into space and after a few seconds, blurted it out. She had to THINK and that was the best she could come up with. My boys actually heard it and busted out laughing. Sad.

Craziness at it's finest.

I can look back now and sort of chuckle about it, but it wasn't so funny at the time. Her confusion/craziness made me just as crazy if not crazier than she was.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Smokey accused me of being a deadbeat for years. And years. And, years.

He said I didn't earn my keep.

Now, he's with someone who is on full disability for some psychological condition...which doesn't prevent her from partying hard.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Morning everyone!

I think Rip VanWinkle may be stirring a bit, possibly popping his head out of the rabbit hole.

I'ts his interactions with D12 that are making me take notice and how he was when he dropped her off Sunday.

For starters he's starting to act like the same old Dad we used to know him 4 years ago. He's talking to D12 alot about mutual friends we have. He's doing things with D12 that are actually about her and what she wants to do instead of controlling the situation and making it all about him.

When he dropped her off Sunday, he sat in the driveway for a while after she came into the house. He slowly pulled out, and stopped for a few seconds. It was dusk, and so I couldn't see his face. It looked like he was staring at D15 in the window for a little bit. Then as he slowly pulled away he was looking at the house and I think even me as I was working with the screen door to close.

Usually he tears out of here like a bat out of hell. This was different.

I don't know, just thought it was odd. Of course Murphy's Law, just when I decide Im ready to move on and have a new life with someone else, could he be waking up?

But you know what, it doesn't matter. It could just be a small visit from the mother ship and he'll be off in A-hole land again. Honestly if he ever does finishing baking, I will be surprised!

Yet me being the empathatic person I am, I can NOT imagine the devastation an MLCer must have when they truly come to their senses and are done baking. I don't know if I could live with myself.


M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
D14 D11
Divorced 4/2012
XH marries OW 6/2014.
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I'm glad he's starting to show longer periods of clarity w/your daughter. It takes a very long time for them to return to earth or should I say wake up from that long nap in Rip's world.

The holidays tend to soften some of them up to the point of actually acting like a normal human being. Maybe the holiday has something to do with his behavior. Time will tell, especially after the holidays.

Kimmerz, continue to move forward and live your life as if he will not return. He's still got a lot of growing up to do. Keep the focus on you and your daughters. A watched pot never boils. Allow him to continue simmer and who knows how he'll turn out, but let's hope it's in a good way.

Some mlcers are devastated and ashamed of what they've done during their crisis and others want to sweep the entire situation under the rug. It's not a pretty picture when they realize what they've done and to whom. I certainly wouldn't want to be in their shoes during the crisis and after. None of it's fun.

I do hope that you and your daughters will have a nice Thanksgiving.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Wishing everyone a Happy and Safe Holiday today!

Im enjoying my day, just relaxing with my kids. My Turkey better be done soon! It's almost been 8 hours in the oven!


M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
D14 D11
Divorced 4/2012
XH marries OW 6/2014.
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