Holy guacamole job!! You really think so? For some reason the expectation for him that I would still be hanging in the wings for his convenience just seems like too much thought for him! But then again, I know that's how these MLCer's roll, maybe this is the point of progression we are at now on his crazy train!
Honestly during this whole 4 years I have consistently felt like the OW! Now how ass backwards is that? LOL.
Not to worry, he's completely consumed with the drama of his wife's 8th grandchild that was born one month premature yesterday. Poor D12 was taken to the hospital over 5 times in 24 hours, once at 4 a.m. just so dear sweet OW could have a ride! So he's not going to be mr nice guy with me until that cools down, I know is pattern. Besides I have no reason to speak with him. I've got my computer advice, got the Holiday schedule pretty much figured out this month, and my child support comes in weekly. Done deal.
Of course Im civil, no reason not to be. No I don't think he has any idea how much I've grown and how much I will not put up with.
A little about OW daughter that just had a baby.... I do hope everything is ok. The poor baby was born a month early and had to be transferred to a better NICU 2 hours away. She's intubated and everything.
This daughter has treated my girls very nice and the girls like her. This daughter also REFUSED to speak or see her mother (OW) once she found out the role she played in the shooting! REmember the shooting job? Yeah then there's that fiasco.
I need to move to another part of the state. My life has had such a Gerry Springer drama thanks to them. However the drama needs to be left with them and washed away from me and the girls. Yep.
Yes, I do remember the drama surrounding the shooting and the ow's role in all of it. However, it appears that something has shifted in the relationship between the mother and daughter if they were waiting at the hospital for the baby to be born. I do understand your concern about the ow's daughter and the baby and I'm sure you'll hear how things went.
I don't think you need to move to another part of the state, but you do need to implement some boundaries when it comes to your xh and his texting you, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I read something today from the Author of The Abandoned Wife Syndrome.
I hope every woman here reads it, though it can pertain to husbands as well.
What I found interesting was the issue of these men doing an about face in personality! Doing completely opposite of what you know them to be or to do or even like for that matter!
What I read was that these run away husbands (MLCers, WAH) have the "tendency" to really identify with the women that are in their lives at the time, and actually try to mold into what they want. This is because their identity is wrapped up in the women they're with, therefore they start doing, saying and acting like the OW or doing things just to please them.
Now, we've always talked about how they've jumped on the mother ship and have been abducted by aliens because the people we knew before are GONE.
This new behavior I've witnessed with XH as well have been told about by the girls has just baffled me. Plus his reasoning and irrationality when the MLC started going into full swing, I just couldn't believe the idea's in his head! The accusations, reasoning (or lack of), and his reactions to things, were just not him!
I always felt that he was getting pumped up by OW, and getting his head filled with lies. It would make sense because he was attatching his new identity with her!
Granted I want to say I think I might be seeing a little bit of the old XH from time to time, I really can't ever be sure.
What I read was that these run away husbands (MLCers, WAH) have the "tendency" to really identify with the women that are in their lives at the time, and actually try to mold into what they want. This is because their identity is wrapped up in the women they're with, therefore they start doing, saying and acting like the OW or doing things just to please them.
Agreed!!!
I've said many times on this board that XW actually BECAME OM. Seriously, I think they become a lot like the person that they are with. Just goes to show how weak-minded they are. I've witnessed it many times with XW's sister. Anytime she was with a different man, her personality changed and she became just like him.
Anyways, that's all I have to add. I haven't spoken to you in a while. Hope you are doing well.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
My ex left and married a 26 yr old. Yep u guessed it, he tried to become 26. He never drank, but she does and according to son months ago, they have a night cap every nite. He gave up every hobby he loved as a man and follows her around like a lost puppy....sad. This explains it.
Well it does kinda clear up some things doesn't it? And it's clear that the basis of MLC is an identity crisis! It's just about 20 + years down the road longer than it should be! Usually its during the pre teen and teen years we as individuals start to experiment with our identities I guess. So it's very traumatic for this MLC, because it hits just when life usually is very solidified and comfortable for adults. But Hell No! Lets have an identity crisis and wreak havoc in everyone's lives within a 500 mile radius instead!
And that's very true, we can't morph, gel, or click with these MLCers anymore. I never could quite morph with XH because he always had something new and to the extreme going on that I never was quite comfortable about. Hence his many addictions, which as we know are the basis of deep unmet needs.
You know guys this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, is letting this man go. It's been a while now that I've come to accept this all for what it is. Things finally solidified with me in that matter when he finally started to keep his distance. I don't know how on earth we can expect ourselves to heal when for one reason or another we still have to stand a little too close to the fire, mainly for the kids sake or through the flipping process of divorce.
After it's all said and done I do still see XH in person from time to time. When I see him in person and it's just he and I talking, it shakes me to the core. I have to admit I still love the good man I remember him to be. It shakes me up because I will still see glimpses of the good person I was married to. At the same time it breaks my heart because it's like talking to a ghost! It's like they wear masks. At times I feel he takes his mask off if only for a few moments and the real him is there, and then back up it goes!
I no longer have hope or even wish to be together with that man anymore. I've come too far and grown so much.
I do wish and hope for XH sake that he can grow, learn, and really develop a good relationship with himself as life goes on. I can honestly say if it wasn't for his MLC I never would've come this far! I'ts only when you're put between a rock and a hard place that you truly find out what you're made of!
They do wear masks and it takes a lot of energy to keep them in place. However, when he's alone, the mask will drop and the depression is back in full force, hence the other little "highs" he gets from gaming or some other sort of thrill. You have to remember that if this is mlc, it takes a very long time for them to come back to earth and some of them don't and will remain stuck. Your xh still has a ways to go and no one knows how he will turn out after the oven has been shut off.
It's understandable that you still love the man he once was. You had many happy times that you shared w/him and two beautiful daughters that you will have to share time w/for the rest of your life, i.e. custody, graduations, marriages, grandchildren, etc. As time rolls along, you find yourself detaching more and more from him. Sad when you think about all that he's missing, but it was his choice to leave, etc.
Unfortunately, the mlcer didn't ask for the identity crisis. They were set up for one many, many years ago, through no fault of their own. It's just a shame that when they began to feel something was off that they didn't seek help. All we can do is pray and wish them all of the best at this time.
You've come to far to allow this man to pull you back into his drama.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
After it's all said and done I do still see XH in person from time to time. When I see him in person and it's just he and I talking, it shakes me to the core.
^^^
Exactly!
Which is why for me, it is best if I don't even talk to her unless absolutely needed.
We ALL need to detach and yet, it is so damn hard.
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
