Calibri - thanks for cheering up. You are very sweet.
NAJ1964 - It's something very individual and every sitch is different, even if they seem similar.
In my case, I can't even prove my WAH is having an A. He told me he had feelings for someone else, then he told me he tried to go through with it and couldn't bring himself to cheat on me.
That I think he is lying and has someone? I don't know. That I think he is saying the truth? I also don't know.
I also have three children with this man and I want some kind of friendly R with him other then always fighting in front of the kids.
Besides, I really think that being his friend gets me closer to him every time. With time I will be able to show him some of the changes I make along the way.
I do not believe in hate, I can feel angry, upset but I do not hate anyone, even the people that hurt me badly in life, I do not hate them.
Although it suits my sitch, I know there are situations were the spouse is very disrespectful and unfair, so I guess it is easy not be friends.
Hi Pink. Hope you're having a good day. I finally got broadband today, so I can speed type, rather than having to post using my phone - hooray!!
Glad to hear about your session. Sounds as though it went well. I think your IC sounds great and it's good you are underway with your treatment.
Any news from your H at all? Interesting to read the comments about being 'friends.' Is it possible? I agree with the 'for the kids' comment too. The phrase 'friends with boundaries' popped into my head...
Off to bed now. Hopefully my rattly chest will be better tomorrow. I'm due to GAL at a Xmas party tomorrow night!
:-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Read your last post and will look for your new tread, seems like the one you had is closed now.
I also believe you need a lawyer to determined exactly what are your rights and in your unique situation what will be yours and his.
This socks, these whole money issue is annoying but necessary, but still socks.
I went to the court yesterday to get some more info, I have talked to a L on 12/4. She told me that my H will be broken after the D is final.
For now, the advice is that I do nothing, don't get a better job, don't move from the house, don't make extra money, and don't even put the D papers myself, what was one of my intentions.
I hate the fact that I am in Limbo Land right now, it is killing me to be so dependent. But for now, it's what I need to do.
I have been very black and white person my whole life, and I like to decide on issues as fast as I can. Waiting for something to happen and have my life on someone's hands is tormenting me.
I feel you are in the right path here, get yourself protected and go for what is your right to have. It also seems you made him a better man, like you said, he had nothing before being married to you.
Toots, regarding the D talk to others, I believe he will say or do things to justify his position. He is afraid of being judged, after all it is his second D, what does not speak very nicely about him in his own mind.
Would be nice if he can get some help and find himself. He is probably a troubled man with many issues unresolved and unless he gets some help, he will go through life doing lots of wrong and hurting others.
From the bottom of my heart, I hope you can find some peace with all what is going on. I know how hard it is, I am in the same boat here.
I have been exercising do not think much about my H. He has been quite these two weeks after the whole deal of that weekend that we end up in bed.
I think he realized that he was not giving me the time and space that I asked for. The bottom line is that without contact I feel our M is literally dying. In the same time, I know that things change from one day to the next and I don't know what awaits us in the future.
He told me that the first two weeks of January his company is holding the annual sales meeting. It means that people from outside US will be here. I assume that the French lady will be here too. So, we will see how that goes.
I would like to know exactly what is going on. Sometimes I think they have a R for a long time and that's why he asked for the D. But by his own words he said he did not have anything, no A, no R, that he just have feelings for someone and he thinks she has feelings for him.
When I spoke with a L, she said that if this is the case, then to just wish him good luck telling the new W that he is still married, did not do anything towards the D, have two minors to pay child support and will need to pay at least 9 years of maintenance for the XW. She said he will need to let the OP knows how broke he is.
I think H is not looking into this, he was never very good about resolving stuff in his life, neither he likes to face troubles, he just ignore things until they hit him hard and he needs to move.
Oh,well, it's not my problem and I can't do anything about it. I can only mind myself. I am getting better on this "can't control", "better YOU", feel good about myself business. I think it's been so long I don't really care about myself, it feels good to think about my priorities for a change.
I still need to do more of GAL activities. It's hard to find time for everything. I am going out "to dance" on friday, with some friends. I think it will be nice to see other people and have some fun.
Hope you have a good day, I will get ready for my busy day today. It's going to be a crazy one. I work with health and this time of the year is quite busy.
Hugs to you Toots. Keep yourself health, you will need to be in one piece now.
Yes, Ggrass, you are right, it's all what I can do right now. It hasn't been easy with almost NC, just Kids stuff.
But, sometimes I actually enjoy. I am such a mess lately, and it's not literally. People say I am doing very well for someone that is going through this difficult time.
I really don't know what to feel anymore. I am not very persistent when it comes to love and friendship. Have been always like this. If someone does not like me you can be sure I am out of that person's way.
I just disconnect, don't make it important for me. My IC said that it is some kind of defense mechanism I develop since I was a kid. Probably learned from the times people hurt me.
Sometimes I am very afraid I will forget my H too, I will just let go and he won't mean anything for me anymore.
I know we need to detach, but in my case I end up detaching forever. I want to be with him again, recover my M and my family, but I don't know if I can.
I keep thinking that if he was able to tell me that he has feelings for someone else and just that makes me think that he can go and live his life with someone better then me, maybe more attractive, better job, better this and better that.
Then next thing I know I moved on. The only difference is that it is my H for 18 years and we had a family together.
Ohhh...Gosh... maybe I shouldn't fight, just let it happen.
I hope things get a little better between us both, I don't know. Nobody knows.
I am trying my best and my hardest do not fight. But it is in my nature. I am now fighting for a better job, a career maybe. I am fighting to detach from my H, I am fighting to get into a new life.
I really don't know what would be my life without the fight. I always think that if I want or need something I need to go after and do my best to get there.
With this situation with my H, it has been the first time I do not fight straight forward for something. I am letting it happen, and it is very hard to count the days and let it go.
Maybe you are right, I fight for things that are in my way, but they just happen to be in my way. My life keep taking turns I am not looking.
Maybe it's not that I fight for something, I just see an opportunity and get into it, with my heart and soul.
The hardest thing to learn is doing a nothin is an action.
I keep trying to explain this to one of my friends, she doesn't quite get it. The harder you fight the harder they fight back.
The ow in my sitch has posted a selfie of them as her profile pic on fb, she also responded to messages my mate sent last feb, which I asked her not to do. But why now. It's been over a year, who cares. Her message talks of us moving on??? Im not sure where she gets the idea we haven't moved on, since the local gossips are phoning me asking about my new bf! Lol
I am out making new friends, hell I'm asking blokes out. Not had much luck but that will come.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
So last days, very busy with work, kid's school stuff, Xmas stuff, you know, end of the year, always a busy time.
So H has been very quite and does not call me or text unless it is necessary. Today I tough about sticking a needle on him. I woke up earlier and took a good shower, dressed up, nice make up on, high heels. Looking good.
When he arrived the kids and I were ready, I left the house w/the kids and walked to his car. I was feeling really good and had a big smile on my face.
Said hi and he asked me "How are you" I said I was fine and asked how he was doing and he said he was fine too. Don't know about that, he looks tired.
Well, I asked if he was going to pick up the kids from school today and he said there wouldn't be a problem. I told him it was really good because I wouldn't be around. That I was invited to a XMas lunch with the doctors from the amputee clinic at Children's Hospital. Then I said that needed to go and he said that was looking good.
I said thank you and see you later. As I was walking to the car I went back to his car and gave him a kiss and a hug. He said thank you.
