He moved in with his parents. Didn't contact me until I text him if he was okay on 10/26, he responded yes. And while my children and I were out on 10/26, he came home and packed almost every article of clothing, razors, shoes, etc.
Our children saw that his stuff was missing on 10/26. He never called the house or any of our cell numbers to see if we were home. He then contacted our children 10/28 and explained that "he didn't leave them." "He needs space and wants them to understand." He said he loves them very much. BTW-since this is so fresh, his mother came by 10/28 without calling to visit our children. I was at Bible Study. So she had one of my children call to see if it's okay she take them to lunch. I said yes. At this point I wasn't sure where he was staying and if my in-laws knew. When I came home, they were back. She didn't say anything about the situation.
Well, as she was leaving she cried and said that whatever we needed that they are just a phone call away. I appreciated that until she said, "He's not happy. He hasn't been happy for the last 10 years. He isn't in love with you anymore. You should just let him go. He can't be in a miserable marriage."
I tried to defend myself but I know I can't convince her that it's a MLC or depression. They only believe I'm the cause of this, since this is her son. So I just pray over her and all my in-laws that they speak words to uplift and unify our marriage and family not curse it.
Now, my DH timing is terrible since oldest child turns 18 in two weeks. Now what? Awkward? Our DS is angry, hurt, sad, confused.
I don't want a D.
I know DH feels hopeless and confused. I'm confused too. He denies any other person exists but I feel he's talking to someone who is encouraging this radical behavior. All I can do is pray. I'm in coaching and counseling sessions.
I tried to sign us up for Retrouvaille (sp.?!) He was okay with going at first but now really doesn't want to go. UGH!
So questions... How do I manage his visitations with our children? Can I?
What do I say or do if he just shows up when I'm not home and he comes into house and takes more stuff? Can I establish a boundary?
He's trying to get our children to understand him but they don't. He tries to explain and even uses words I may have used (out of context) to justify or rationalize this behavior. So confused.
Just praying! Need encouragement!
Thanks for listening.
Welcome to the MLC board.
Rather than hijack Imlin's thread at the top of the board I started one for you, continue to post here until you get to 100 posts or start a new thread.
My suggestion is to just breathe, I will post my welcome post soon too.
If bomb drop was just last week you really are very new to all this.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. However due to the board PURGE this POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version, sorry for the confusion.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
I'm sorry you are here. For me, this journey has been a huge blessing in disguise. Trust the process, be gentle with yourself and love your kids with as much energy as you can muster.
Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
vge1 - I am so sorry this situation has happened. I am fairly new as well and my heart goes out to you.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. Focus on the basics. I am still doing that and I find myself better equipped to make decisions as they come up. The kids Will benefit if they see mom coping with the basics.
There are many wise and supportive people here. Read their threads and post when you need to vent or have questions. This is a safe place and while people may not have the answers they will help you navigate uncharted territory.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thank you for the support. Sometimes, I read the threads and become discouraged because I see the signature lines of the posters with Big D in many of the signatures.
I just pray and hope. HOPE! I pray for love, healing, unity, mercy, and reconciliation. My children and I need him desperately to be home. Be present as their father and my husband.
I pray for all the marriages. May God heal and unify them.
I refuse to take anything away from these amazing people who have gotten a D. In this there are no guarantees even if YOU do everything right, your spouse might not come back.
I will say this, I'm willing to bet that every single person who posts here and got divorced will still say DBing was worth it, for themselves.
As for the numbers? If you have to look at statistics and figure out if you're going to be married based upon that? Quit now. But that should NOT be how a marriage works. You want a goal? Shoot to be the small percentage that does work. Ultimately if you really love your husband, even if you had a 1 in a gazillion chance, you'd try, because you love him. Aim for the 1%.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
