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Joined: Apr 2014
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Good job Daring,

Sounds like a good decision has been made, and either way you will have to montior your feelings.

It's tricky when you are close to your H's family, I've very close with my SIL and actually nervous about how that R might change if H and I get a D:(


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 394
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daring Offline OP
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2B and Bright Future thanks for the support!

Sooooooo as usual what goes up must come down and my mojo crapped out a little tonight.
H came by to be able to trick or treat with S7, (the others had gone with friends).
He was telling me how he has to travel this week earlier than planned and I said ok. Then he tells me his friends company is in trouble, then nonchalantly mentions his friends marriage is in trouble. My inner lion got the better of me and I immediately responded " I've got enough of that myself- I don't need to hear about anyone else".
H was taken aback a little bit. Then asked if he had done something ( other than leave me and break up our family was clearly what he was asking about). I said no. He said " well your standoffish- you've been that way more and more lately but today it's even extra". I said I'm fine.
Later in evening he tells me the new dining room furniture looks nice ( I think it really bothered him I did that- he said earlier that he didn't know I was getting a new dining set. Welcome to we aren't together and I don't share those details with you). I said thanls it just needs to be put together and so and so is coming by on Sunday to help. He said if it's not done by the time he gets back from traveling he will do it. I said you don't have to. He said I know- I'm offering.
I am noticing some underlying fear of losing me.......

So then he asks again " are you sure you're ok?" I said yes-I'm just trying to deal with the situation as best I can and move forward. And I told him I had apparently skipped a lot of the anger stage. He seemed confused. I said " you know- the grief and loss process. I'm hitting the anger stage". He said so now you're mad at me? I said I'm mad in general. Then he said I didn't mean to add more to you by mentioning friends marriage issues- was just trying to share about his work issues and his partner is almost suicidal. I said I understand I'm just trying to get through my own stuff. ( plus I'm thinking- MLC, EA, marriage falling apart, H suicidal, S16 suicidal, D13 an emotional mess over the situation all in the last year and you're about to D me and I'm supposed to be my usual stronger than everyone you can lean on me self???? Whatever!)
Then some small talk and before he leaves he tells me- you look nice ( I made sure my trick or treat attire was HOT yet tasteful!) and then says " and if you need to yell at me you can". I said no I'll figure it out.

H also turns 40 monday. And he keeps talking about how he wants to cancel his birthday.
So I clearly have feelings- wanted to reach out and hug him. But I'm not a blubbering mess- so that's progress, right?


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 394
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And today I am angry- boy this back and forth is exhausting but I'm finding that the anger really does propel me forward as long as I don't get stuck.

H went on a trip to a rugby game for the weekend with friends. Last night they posted a picture of him smiling away in front of a huge pizza with " 40" candles on them celebrating early for his birthday Monday.
The pic didn't really bother me but the comments- someone wrote wow you got him to smile in a picture and another wrote look there is evidence that he's actually happy.
Grrrr! I know I can't make him happy- that comes from within him. But why can't he be that way when he's with me??
I know I'm asking for MLC logic and hurt to be explained and it can't.
And on the flip side- I did find it ironic that even his friends noticed he'd been a sad grump for a long time.

Ok time to let the anger go and move on. Happy f'n birthday to him!
I had a coaching session yesterday and she said I was doing really well. That I was hitting the " final surrender" where you face your fears and know you can live through them and it puts me in a position of power. And he is noticing.
So as soon as I get rid of today's upset I will continue to rock on wit my bad self! smile


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
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Hang in there Daring.

You are doing great.

On my H's 47th b'day, someone posted a picture of him on a boat holding a gift of Crown Royal. He was in the middle of a group of a party-ers with a big smile and the OW sitting right next to him. Everyone looking tan and happy and responsibility-free!!

Gag.

I got wind of the picture from a family member or friend. Some "helpful" person immediately let me know. When I heard, I sat in our driveway and sobbed.

That was a bad day.

I kept my distance from FB after that. And, I made sure that family and friends understood that I didn't need to know the gory details of my H's new life.

Just remember, appearances can be deceiving. They usually are. It's called masked depression because it's hidden...M.A.S.K.E.D.

People who cope by running from their problems are usually really good at hiding their true feelings, even from themselves. This doesn't mean they are happier than the rest of us, or happier without us...it just means they are good at hiding their feelings and remaining out-of-touch with those feelings.

Stick to your own truth today.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Highs and lows..ups and downs,,,they will happen but we have to remember we are strong and that the downs/lows will be less and less in regards to our situations with our H's.

You are right, dont get stuck keep moving forward.

The anger be careful dont let it consume you.

I need to take my own advice,, WE can get thru this!


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 394
D
daring Offline OP
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Thanks for the support ladies!

Lois- you are so right about the masks- I need to remember that. Thank you!

2B I feel like I'm on my own roller coaster separate from H. But yes- as will get through this!

I had a Gal day today watching car races with a good friend and S7. We had lots of fun and it was much needed time out of the house and not thinking about H!


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 394
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daring Offline OP
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Posts: 394
I had to share as I feel God really works in ways we have no idea. This has nothing to do with H, but as I have been for many days, I started this morning off sad and angry.

Then a few hours ago one of my staff asked to meet with me real quick- I walked out into a lobby full of staff and hospital admin. They had nominated me for physician of the quarter for demonstrating our values ( integrity, compassion, accountability, respect, excellence) every day. They each wrote several things about me a presented me with a plaque.

Thanks God for a reminder of the good in me and for holding up a mirror that boosts my confidence.


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,077
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Daring! Congratulations! That is wonderful!! We all deserve good confidence boosts and the best ones are the ones we least expect!

Enjoy it and celebrate it!


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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daring .. Congrats on the award .... and yes I truly believe God has a way of nudging us .. saying .. "hey .. hang in there .. I have you."


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Awww, how sweet. You deserve this award, daring. To be able to excel on the job with all that's going on in your life is no easy feat. Great job!


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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