Blindsided, that was then, this is now

[labug]

If he gets mad, that's all him. It has nothing to do with you so don't take it on as your problem. Take a deep breathe and hold your line.

Back to the friends subject. I agree with Jim. If it happens, it happens but I think there's a big difference in being friends and just being friendly. No matter what tho, he should have zero control of your life, just as anyone else should have zero control of your life.

Live today, let the future take care of itself.

[SunnyB]

Nailed it. I am so proud of myself. Now I'm off to a well timed IC session.

[raliced]

Atta girl! Proud of you!

[SunnyB]

So things went ok this morning. I can't say "well" because we were talking about my H leaving me, but it was ok. We covered the things I thought were important, I accomodated where I could, stood my ground where I needed to.

We are telling the kids Saturday morning. We picked a move out date, finalized the S agreement, looked at the next six weeks for a parenting schedule. I refused to make a decision about Christmas yet, I want to see how I feel spending Thanksgiving together.

I already had an IC session planned before I knew we'd be doing this, so the timing worked out nicely. I believe my IC thinks I'm crazy because I can sit at St Arbucks and have a rational conversation with H about his leaving.

I was texting my SIL about it all and her comment was that she just wishes the whole weekend was over already. And I hate what's coming, but realize it's something I need to go through. I will be stronger at the end. And I will be ok.

[Zues126]

Wow.

I am pretty tough, but you are a mountain.

Not trying to fan the flames of resentment and pain, and maybe I'm just extra sensitive right now, but I just still can't believe he'd walk from a 24 year marriage.

For you to be able to handle this like you have is just amazing. I'm sorry that you have to, but I'm sorrier for him that he is missing out on a lifelong partnership with someone with as much character and commitment as you've demonstrated. It's inspiring, and when I wonder if its even possible to have a M work these days people like you inspire me to never give up.

I know we can't predict the future but at some point I just can't imagine he won't come out of the fog. I just hope for his sake your still DBing.

[SunnyB]

I am pretty tough, but you are a mountain.

That's because it has all become about my kids now. We chose to tell them Saturday morning because my S19 is home from college, and its as far away from his birthday celebration on Sunday afternoon as I can get it. There were points I wanted them to hear so H and I wrote a script together. We set a move-out date two weeks from telling them so that H would be in the house to answer their questions and show them he's not running off. (It would have been one week, but he's gone on business quite a bit during that time.) I asked him to take his stuff out of the house when the kids weren't around. And on and on.

I appreciate your kind words. I was by no means a perfect wife, but I was a good one. And maybe someday he'll realize that. Or maybe he won't. Or maybe he will but I won't care.

I'm going to have an amazing R with someone someday. I really am. I had let myself get sooo lost during this M and I am viewing the S as a chance to reclaim who I am. And next time around, I'll do it differently. But, to go along with Maybell's thread, I can't see that H will be willing to put in the work it will take to be with me. After all, he already chose the easy way out, if he was going to put in any effort, wouldn't he have already done it?

[labug]

So things went ok this morning. I can't say "well" because we were talking about my H leaving me, but it was ok. We covered the things I thought were important, I accomodated where I could, stood my ground where I needed to.

We are telling the kids Saturday morning. We picked a move out date, finalized the S agreement, looked at the next six weeks for a parenting schedule. I refused to make a decision about Christmas yet, I want to see how I feel spending Thanksgiving together.

I already had an IC session planned before I knew we'd be doing this, so the timing worked out nicely. I believe my IC thinks I'm crazy because I can sit at St Arbucks and have a rational conversation with H about his leaving.

I was texting my SIL about it all and her comment was that she just wishes the whole weekend was over already. And I hate what's coming, but realize it's something I need to go through. I will be stronger at the end. And I will be ok.

((( ))))

You're the bomb!

[bdub]

Amazing rpp!!
When the empty boxes start coming in and the full boxes start leaving, it will get tough. Stay strong and stay focused.

[Mozza]

Congratulations on what you've done so far. It's extremely difficult to participate to the dismantlement of our R. Getting to a point where we can do it is already a tremendous progress. I admire that you did it and you should be proud of yourself.

You're absolutely right that you have a bright future ahead of you. I don't know you, but I know that you're a thoughtful and committed person by your mere presence here and by your posts. I also know that you're going through a difficult experience that will make you a better person, learning things about relationships that too few people know. There are plenty of people out there for people like us. Someone somewhere is thinking the same thing that we do and our quest to find them has begun.

I can't see that H will be willing to put in the work it will take to be with me. After all, he already chose the easy way out, if he was going to put in any effort, wouldn't he have already done it?

You can't see it now and neither does he. I'll repeat what I said elsewhere: it's the worst moment to hope for a reconciliation because the separation is at full momentum. The storm is passing through, we can just hunker down. We don't know but also they don't know if we'll ever reconcile. Right now, they think not. Just like everybody who eventually reconciled. Don't put too much stock into what's happening now. It's what will happen next that will count.

[Jefe]

Stay strong, rpp. I wish I had something profound to say. You'er doing better than I would be. You got this.