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Originally Posted By: Shining
Welp, here's my latest:

The abbreviated version?
1. H wanted to hook-up with me.
2. H is getting a Vasectomy on Monday. (I had a hysterectomy a year ago.)
3. H bought me a rape whistle.

Yep. I had to read it several times, too.....


Good grief! He is such an A&&hat.


M:54, H:55
T:33, M:27
12/13 BD: EA
01/14 BD: PA, H leaves
03/14 H & OW break up
05/14 H says he will file for D
08/14 H initiates D
09/14 H wants to R
12/14 Still bungling our way through R
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Thanks for stopping by, Mighty, daring, Bright, and Nitty.

I've been having great days at work. Overall, my life is great.

A little nervous about the changes in my household as S17 leaves. I will sure miss him.

Xh #1 being here should be fine. He has been very nice to me. It matters not, other than it's better than what we used to get. I will not spend time with him. I told the kids they are welcome to have Sunday with him.

I got a text from H today, letting me know his S21 just got that job starting at $18 per hour, and $25 after 6 mos. I responded that was fantastical, and he must be very proud. And I said thank you for telling me. He sent back you're welcome.

Again, I compare this to what I was like when I left my 1st h. I never would have shared news like that with him. Not even with his own kids. It was up to him to ask those questions... Yet, my H wants to share happy news with me about the person he claimed I hated. Perfect sense.

I'm still in a good place. Going out tomorrow with the same families from my D13 school and having fun halloween get together at the same house as before. I'm looking forward to it.

I know my h is an a$$hat. I can't even be mad anymore about the recent thing. I feel bad that he hasn't figured it out yet. I miss his humor and his friendship. Everything tells me that his mindset is far far far from being through this crisis. I'm still moving forward and focused on me and the kids. My job has a lot of opportunity. I can't wait to learn more.

Mood I'd a bit "meh" tonight.... Not down. Just low energy. I feel I'm so far behind on everyone.

Thank you all for the support, and for continuing to follow my sitch.

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Originally Posted By: Shining

Mood I'd a bit "meh" tonight.... Not down. Just low energy. I feel I'm so far behind on everyone.



Stop that! This is not a race! You are entitled to have a low energy day (or many more in my case, please??). C'mon, Shining! You are an inspiration. You may be the most upbeat person on the board!

You are fun, outgoing, full of life, a great mom, an amazing friend, (dare I not say a kick @ss wife- I'm sure of it ;)) and hot, and a new, exciting job.

Cut yourself some slack! You've got it going on, girl! The sitch may make you doubt things sometimes, because it's tough and can weigh heavily on ya, but take your h out of it for a second... think of all you have accomplished over the past months and how strong and amazing you have been. Think of how much you have been there for others, especially me! And I have beeeeeen crazy and a lot to handle! You have helped me through some pretty tough times. You, my dear, wouldn't be able to do that if you weren't strong and amazing.

It ain't no race, girl. But if it were a relay, you'd be the anchor leg. The last, but fastest, reliable runner... the one everyone is looking to, to bring home the win.

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Awwww, thanks, Might! You got my back!!

If you would like to borrow my new rape whistle, just give me a holla....

I'm just realizing it was given to me a week after our anniversary....maybe that's what he got me!!

Imagine...the last gift my H ever gives me for our anniversary.....a rape whistle.

"A" for originality.

"A" is also for A$$hat.

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Shining,

The next time he comes near you, I'd blow that thang.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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HAHAHAHAAA!!! Thank you, Heather, you're starting my day with a perfect visual. I'm still just shaking my head. It's weird....I'm embarrassed to even post this stuff. But, it just is. And it's nothing I did. He did this. I think the embarrassment come from the fact that I still care? Idk.

The "whistle" looks like a fat pen...I don't even have to blow it. I just push a button.

As it turns out, my dog is not a fan. shocked

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Shinning

Quote:
A little nervous about the changes in my household as S17 leaves. I will sure miss him.

Having met him I can tell you….IMO, you raised an amazing young man! Trust …that the values that you instilled in him will keep him during any storms. I know that “mama bear” will miss him…hey. Stay in touch with him and know that he will be fine. You know how to reach me and others if you need someone to go check on him.

Quote:
Yet, my H wants to share happy news with me about the person he claimed I hated. Perfect sense.

Disclaimer……this is mind reading on my part….

IMO, it make perfect sense. A) if he feels that you hated SS21, then he felt you need to know that YOU were wrong – his son is a good boy (hence the info on the job and how much). B) if deep down inside he does not feel you hate his son….well then….he is proud of his son and needed to share it with you.

Quote:
I know my h is an a$$hat. I can't even be mad anymore about the recent thing. I feel bad that he hasn't figured it out yet. I miss his humor and his friendship. Everything tells me that his mindset is far far far from being through this crisis.

You’ll need to get MAD in order to REALLY heal. Just sayin….

He may not be through the crisis, then again, maybe he is. I know that YOU know that either way should not change what you do for YOU. Right?


Quote:
I feel I'm so far behind on everyone.

IMO, stop comparing yourself to everyone else! You are YOU – not me, not urworthy, not might…nope…you’re Shining. You are EXACTLY where you are suppose to be. Everytime you compare, all you do is set yourself up to feel bad. Now who can control that? (loaded question).

Quote:
If you would like to borrow my new rape whistle, just give me a holla....

Could I borrow it? New puppy and all…you know…these things may come in handy. Add to that…the 90 year old women that lives on my block and keeps checking me out – I need that whistle 


Quote:
The next time he comes near you, I'd blow that thang.

Good one Lois….good one.

So btw, I was meaning to ask…..

What are the things about yourself that you would like to change?


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Not meaning to hijack but I would really like to hear more from Eric about why we need to get mad in order to heal?

I don't like when I'm worked up and angry but I seem to be that way a lot lately AND I seem to be detaching much more. Is that the point of it???

Shining- you take care of you and don't worry if you get behind. I understand- it's the pleaser in us- but we have to let that go.


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
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I'm having a tough night. Moving to another downturn of the cycle of grief and crying, I guess.

This weekend is too much.

Halloween used to be a big, awesome, fun event with H. Pumpkins, costumes, house decorations, and the whole night in general. We used to have a blast setting things up.

This year, I didn't decorate at all. I couldn't even open the boxes in the garage. I haven't mentioned it on the boards. I haven't talked about it really with anyone. The kids all had plans, I was going to just have a quiet night alone. Then D13 friend's parents invited me over again with D13. I was glad to join them.

I thought I would have enough fun to not feel sad. I thought if we did completely different stuff tonight, I wouldn't miss H. I was wrong.

I know he's a complete a$$hat and crazy now. I know he doesn't want to be with me. I can't have a real R or M with the man he is now. I just miss what we had. There were great times that are nothing more than memories now. I wasn't ready to be without him. I wanted more time. More years. More of H. And he's gone.

I tried really hard tonight to be happy and social with D13 friend's parents. It worked fine until I got home. I really miss the old H, before the crazy stuff. We used to laugh so much. Now I'm crying. This stinks.

Tomorrow my kids' father, my xh.....comes to town. He's not coming with his fiancé. He's alone. I don't know why this bothers me. Things have been cordial. He should be here when S18 leaves. I just don't want him near me. Idk why.

S18 leaves Sunday to stay overnight before flying out Monday. Then I don't see him until Christmas. It's just too much right now.

I don't want to deal with all of this alone. I hate having no one to lean on. I'm not feeling strong enough at all.

Eric, I wish I was mad. I can't get mad. I don't even know how to get mad. Does that mean I won't heal?

I'm just having a tough night. This, like every other bad night, will pass. I'm feeling the grief. I'm dreading the change in my house with S18 leaving. Then one more month, my other S18 leaves.

I know they'll be ok. I'm not worried that way. It's just the end of an era. It looked so much different in my head than it is in reality. And I'm sad. I wanted a family with a husband to see them off. And it's just me. It's always been just me for this big stuff. I've been a single parent, in many ways, since they were babies.

And this was actually a big conversation h and I had when we got together. How I hated this single parent stuff. H did it too with his kids, and he seemed to understand and want the same. And H was a great dad to my kids. My kids loved him.

Yet, all that conversation and planning.....and here I am again. Alone.

I wish I had my normal H to lean on. I could sure use some big strong arms right now. Mine aren't cutting it.

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Quote:
I just miss what we had.


AMen sistah. Do you know, even after all of this time it sometimes hits me like a whack over the head with a baseball bat? Last night remembering my youngest son's wedding, it was so sad he wasn't there.

This is normal. If your marriage hadn't been good there would be nothing to mourn and over our lifetime I would rather have had the joy and happiness than missed out on all of that.

Anger is hard for people pleasers. Somewhere along the line you maybe picked the idea that your feelings didn't matter as much? Do you struggle a little with boundaries at times?

There is a brilliant book by John Gray (the Mars and Venus guy) about getting what you want and wanting what you get, which looks at all our emotional states and what lies behind them. I lent it to an abused friend (at her request!) and she found it incredibly helpful in getting in touch with all of her feelings. SO much so I never got it back!!

And there is your son's going to college. This is all tough stuff. We raise our children to be independent and it is wonderful when it happens, but that doesn't make it less of a wrench when they go. Espeically if they are fun people to be around.

Quote:
I know they'll be ok. I'm not worried that way. It's just the end of an era. It looked so much different in my head than it is in reality. And I'm sad. I wanted a family with a husband to see them off. And it's just me. It's always been just me for this big stuff. I've been a single parent, in many ways, since they were babies.


Shining you are right, you will be OK, but you will be sad at times - everyone here has down days, and we are all here for each other.

I wish I could give you a hug.

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