Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Job, I think H is attached to his phone. Texting has been his preferred method of communication with friends and all these "cool" sociable single women. He normally responds to my texts right away, especially when he asks for something. This is unusual. After two of my texts and mail that is most likely already arrived, he chose to ignore me.

I even started to worry yesterday that something has happened to H. Then I got some proof that he was indeed alive and functioning. Then I was mad... At him... Then at me... For not having the courage to just tell him off and stop this. I was thinking why I keep allowing him to use my address and forwarding his mail to him.

I had this picture of a confused man, who is having a hard time sorting things out, who is not very successful in making enough money to do what he wants to do in life. I had a picture of "old" H, still a good guy, just going through some difficult times.

Maybe I am wrong and he turned into a complete j&rk.

15 years is a long time to be in limbo. I hope it will not come to this for me. After all, H said that he is not going to live longer than 15 years anyway, LOL.

I think that if H. Onto use to be rude and disrespectful like this, it will be a lot easier for me to make a decision.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Bright,
I'm sorry that he's not responded back. He could very well assume that he doesn't owe you a response. There are some people out there that will ask us to do something and never acknowledged that they received the requested product. They are either too busy to think about acknowledging the person or they just care about getting the item and think that we are okay w/little or no acknowledgement.

We don't know what is going on w/your h or how the wheels in his head are turning, but some do become forgetful along the way. I'm not making excuses for his behavior by any means, but they do have memory loss and that could be something to think about.

Keep in mind that you are expecting him to respond the way that you would or the way he would have a year or so ago. Expectations have a way of disappointing or making us angry. Let it go. It's not worth harboring a bit of anger and allowing it to ruin your week.

But, as I've said before, when you've had enough, you'll know what to do.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
Hey Bright. What a crummy thing to have to deal with. The uncertainty stinks. I can't encourage you enough to keep moving on with yourself. I think it is Ok to focus on yourself and try to move on. By that I don't mean you are giving up on him. I just mean, you will start a new life for you. And when/if he comes a knocking... you will show him what you're about, and he can show you what he's about. Then take if from there.

You are an amazing woman, Bright. I wish you were closer so we could do some GAL together. But I know you are very, very far away from me. So, find some things you can do for you. I like you had someone to go to the vacation home with. What about doing something different, too? Maybe going someplace new for the weekend? That could be fun!

Thinking of you.

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
Bright,

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. The distance can really mess with our heads, can't it?

I often feel EXACTLY the same way about my H:

Quote:
I had this picture of a confused man, who is having a hard time sorting things out, who is not very successful in making enough money to do what he wants to do in life. I had a picture of "old" H, still a good guy, just going through some difficult times.

Maybe I am wrong and he turned into a complete jerk



Either way, whether he's really struggling or just being a jerk....YOU MATTER. Regardless of H. You are an incredible woman. Don't forget that.

Mighty had a great idea....about going somewhere new. smile

(((((Hugs)))))

Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
hi Bright! Thanks for checking up on me. I've been reading some of your current threads, and was wondering, have you actually seen your H in the past 2 1/2 years, or has all your communication been emails and text messages? This must be extremely rough on you, my poor friend. It sounds like you never split your business apart either....

I often wonder what is worse - having your MLCer living in your home, so you have to witness all of their shenanigans in person, or having a WAH who keeps contacting you via text, whose shenanigans you can only imagine, like you have for so long? I have learned that the romantic, sensual, loving, fulfilling relationship I imagined my ex and the Russian to have has turned out to be far from the truth.

I laughed, having just turned 62, when you said you have a mental picture of "old H" 15 years from now, a doddering old man "still a good guy, just going through some difficult times." But you are right Bright, 15 years is WAY too long to live in Limbo. I was sorry to read that you read all of your H's emails to that young Mexican girl. Bleech. That must have hurt, don't do that to yourself anymore, okay?

How is your visit with your mom going? I remember what a fiasco that was last year frown


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Job, it is amazing how you hit the mail in the head. H texted yesterday “Thanks, I got it” regarding the mail. One day earlier than you suggested (you said by Thursday), which gives more hope that I will not be the case of 15 years in limbo (like you described about your DB friend), but maybe a bit less, LOL.

Mighty, Shining, thank you.
Mighty, I feel like would also do some GAL with you and we would have so much fun. If you look at my sitch from outside, it does look like I have a new life and moving on. I do GAL, I just not always post it here. Too tired sometimes, and sometimes just discouraged because I don’t have much activity on my thread, and I’m too lazy to just journal. I also don’t have much energy recently. And this is where I feel like I’m stuck and not moving on.

I go to work every day and I’m so busy there, that I barely think about H. I like my job and I enjoy working with people. I also feel valuable. So, no problems on this front. But, when I come home, I feel very different. This is where all the sadness comes out. Night after night I’m thinking that I need to do something, to change it, but I don’t have energy and motivation. Sometimes I wonder how long this is going to last.

Linda, what a surprise to “see” you visiting my thread! You have very good memory. You remember the details of my sitch very well. I do see H occasionally, when he drives through the city on his way either to vacation home or back to where he works. I saw him back in March when we were at the off roads races at the vacation home place with my son and other friends. I saw him every day when I was there. He went out of his way to help us with setting up to watch the races. He came to the places I was with my friends at. I remember folks on this board were cheering me up, saying that it was a good sign and they had hope for me. Well, H went MIA after that again. I’m thinking he might have been testing the waters to see if we can be “best friends”, like he envisioned after BD. I guess it didn’t feel quite comfortable for him.

Then I saw him in May when he came to the house to pick up more stuff and use the tools to do some fixing on his camper.

By “old” H I meant the H I used to know, I was not relating to his age. Old in age is very relative definition these days. My friend at the vacation home just turned 60 and he has a young wife (34) and a 2-year old son. And he is still flirting with other women, b@stard.

Yes, I was re-reading the e-mail exchanges between H and Mexican girl again. I don’t know why I was doing it, to make myself hurt again? I think I’m trying to justify why I’m still feeling sad inside. I have a good life. I have a great job, enough money, I have a house, I can go to the vacation home, I have good friends, great son, great family, neighbors... I’m healthy, independent, likable… I don’t have anything to complain about. And yet, I still feel sadness inside. Maybe by reading the e-mails I was trying to intentionally hurt myself, so at least I would know why I feel like that.

Linda, you also remember about my Mom’s visit last year. This year is not that dramatic. She is at my sister’s and she is here for a shorter time. My poor sister is losing her patience, but it is only a few more days before my Mom goes home.

Linda, thanks for stopping by, my friend, and for your support. Always good to “see you” here.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
Bright,

You remind me so much of myself. You expressed how I feel most of the time. I, too, have a good life with nothing to complain about. But the sadness is like a heavy wet blanket. I am good when I am at work, too. (Last year was a very, very different story- I guess that shows progress??) But when I come home, I get into a funk. I can't stand it. It makes me drag. I just don't know how to shake it. Should I move? I don't know. I know the kids would be upset, but I think deep down, they feel it too.

I don't know, Bright, I am not sure how to totally shake it. Just keep focus on the good feelings. Make them happen more, I guess. I think it is hard when you aren't really sure what direction to go. It's like I'm waiting for someone to come along and help me out with it or something. At this point in my life, everyone has got their own life and things going on. And it is mostly couples and I feel weird. And I feel like I miss out because of that too.

Something will change it. If you figure it out, let me know. I will do the same for you! If you are ever heading to the east coast... give me a heads up!

Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Mighty, you described it very well. This is what I’m feeling too. I also started thinking about moving, if it would change things for me. But, I like my house, I love the kitchen cabinets that my son built. I don’t even see H in this house anymore. And I like my neighborhood and most of my neighbors . So, I am on the fence about it. The good thing is I still can afford to stay in the house on my own, so no hurry on the decision here.

I have a dream that in a few years, when my son is older and wants to start a family, I could leave this house for him, and get me a smaller place somewhere close by. He will have to pay the mortgage, of course.

Thanks for inviting me to visit with you. I feel a great connection to you. I went through somewhat similar experience with my first xh, the father of my son. I know the pain. He was officially dating a young girl while he was still married to me and our son was 4. I mean “officially” dating, he presented himself to her parents as a potential fiancé and was taking them to the doctor’s appointments while refusing to do this for my son. There was no sign of him leaving the M yet. I suppose he would do BD on me later, but I caught him cheating and kicked him out. He tried to come back later, but I was way over him.

If you are ever in Southern Cal, let me know too. I will take you to the vacation home for a girls weekend out!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
I have some thoughts I’ve been wanting to share here, but I’m just so tired… This week has been very busy. I participated at the Fall Festival at work, where each department had a team. We set up a table with decorations, prepared some food, served drinks and dressed up for this. We had so much fun. I’m finally starting to get to know people at work, so hopefully I will make more friends I can go out with.

I’ve heard a lot of positive feedback about me from people who thought that I was just a quite nerd at my desk. A few people said that I was fun to hang around with and they would invite me to the parties. Yay! Take this, H… He blamed me at BD that I was not sociable enough and didn’t keep in touch with people I met. He would be for a surprise here... But… He is far away…


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
Keep going, Bright! I'm so happy for you. I'm getting tired too....

Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard