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AJM #2506203 11/11/14 03:00 AM
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Mighty Offline OP
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AJ!

Oh my God.

I love you.


(Sorry nothing inappropriate) It's just.... dang... you are good!

You have gracefully helped me find me... and like me... and be OK with me.

Ugh. I can't explain it.

Mighty #2506204 11/11/14 03:01 AM
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And shout-out to your gf. No disrespect! smile

AJM #2506206 11/11/14 03:08 AM
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Hey Mighty, you know I made my xh's ow so large in my head. She was really smart, with many degrees, owned her own successful business.

I thought I would crumble when I saw her. And then I thought, why the heck should I be worried about seeing her? I didnt do anything wrong. The reality was that she didnt have anything that I lacked. But I sure had plenty that she lacked.

So when the day came, I walked right up to her and said hello. Stuck my hand out the shake hers. And ooops, she didnt know what to do...oh my. LOL!

This accomplished woman was speechless. I wasnt, though. I made small talk and then walked away, back straight with a flip of my hair...hee hee.

Xh told me that she was really flustered and why did I make her feel that way. I said, "I cant make someone feel any way. Not my problem how she allowed herself to feel."

She cant shine your shoes, Mighty. Dont ever forget that.

uRworthy #2506209 11/11/14 03:14 AM
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I love that you did that uR. You are truly amazing. I am hoping I can be like that too. I don't know that I have it in me. But I know I am better than that garbage. Really. She isn't worth the any of my energy.

Mighty #2506469 11/11/14 09:35 PM
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Thanks Mighty. It's ok if you cant do that. I totally understand. As long as you know that holding onto anger and hate towards her takes away from you.

She has no power, so she isnt worthy of your headspace.

You are growing and it is wonderful to see. Keep going.

uRworthy #2506481 11/11/14 10:06 PM
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You know, I consider myself very lucky that my ex's new wife is not the OW, and I moved away to a different town 45 mins away, so I am unlikely to run into them accidentally. Still, when I think about her, I actually feel kinda sad for her. After all, she is not getting the young man that I married. She is getting an aging guy almost 20 years her senior, who has had multiple concussions, whose mood issues have intensified with the years, who has a history of (repeated) infidelity, and a history of negativity and selfishness. While I hope for both their sakes that this turns out well, I rather doubt she will get half as much of the "good times" out of her marriage that I got, and she probably is clueless about the cheating etc.

kml #2506524 11/12/14 12:24 AM
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uR, you are an amazing example for women to live with dignity and grace. Never would I use those words to describe myself, but, I have to say, I have felt a lot of growth and change in me lately. I like my quirky, crazy personality, but, if I could carry myself in a more mature, dignified way, it think it would show my better qualities. Thank you for being such a great role model.

kml, you, too, are an amazing example of women empowerment. Experiencing that little by little is such a good feeling. I am not like a feminist or anything. But I feel like I am embracing who I am and enjoy being a woman. I was always a tom-boy. I had older brothers and was into sports. Now, I am really finding out about what this all mean.... I am glad you found your happiness. I hope to do the same.

Mighty #2506533 11/12/14 12:55 AM
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I can honestly say that I can't believe the progress I am feeling inside. It is like the layers are just starting to fall off. The outer core was the toughest. It got a little easier, the deeper I went.... sometimes.... maybe not seeing what was there, but working towards it. Now, I am so excited at the strides I have made this past week.

I am not sure exactly where it is coming from. Maybe God has answered my prayers. I prayed that I would be able to handle this time... with everything going on.

I have surprised myself. Everyday, things just make more and more sense! My anger is releasing. It is lifting away. Like some angel came and lifted a cloak of resentment and anger right off my shoulders when I wasn't looking.

I don't want to be a bitter angry woman. I don't want the choices others made reflect upon me. I don't want to be defined by others' weaknesses. I am me. I did what I could. I wouldn't have chosen my life to take this turn, but I am embracing it. I am happy. Often. Yes, I still get those stings. Feelings of hurt and rejection still linger. They are fleeting, though. I see my future. What I see is a big question mark. But it is exciting. This question mark is surrounded with smiles, laughter, and anticipation. Before it was dark, scary, sad, lost. I don't want to look back to that. Maybe someday, to look back at this crazy journey. Not now. I'm looking up.

I have noted recently that I was afraid of reaching this point. The point of being OK without xh. The thought made me sad and scared. I wanted him so badly that I hated the thought of not wanting him. It's weird, I know. You would think that after being rejected, betrayed, and hurt so badly by someone that you would want to get over them, ASAP! The reality though, was that it scared me. I don't know why that is. Maybe codependency? Maybe insecurity? I'm not sure. But I don't think it's healthy.

I can't really explain how amazing it feels to release that. The thought of him being here now, even for a friendly conversation, makes me feel really uncomfortable. Our marriage is gone. "Dead" is what he said. Well, he certainly killed it, whatever was left. Our friendship, which I think he wanted, is gone. I just can't. Not with her.

But here is the thing. I don't want to be angry. I had this thought in my head for a long time: once this baby was born, it was open season. I want to be clear that I wouldn't do anything really harmful. But, I had lots of rage and anger that I was going to let her in on. Now, I have no interest.

I don't want to be nasty to either of them. I will never mistreat this baby. Not ever. I do love babies. Hey! Ya'll know that, bc I was dying to have more... reversal... right?! Well, things happen for a reason. Although I really can't even look at babies or little kids now, because it feels like a punch in the gut, I am hoping that's not forever.

I want to be at a place where it is no sweat. If I had to talk to either of them, I could do it and just be me. This does not mean I would go out of my way, nor that I would give them a taste of my awesomeness for them to enjoy. I just mean that I will be the best me and give them something to think about when I walk away. Not something for them to talk about.

I used to look at these women who could pull this off, the whole composure, high road, stfu, grace... I never understood it. I didn't think that I could ever do it. Honestly, time will tell if I can or not. But I just didn't get it. I put them in a different category. Not better, just very, very different from me. Now, I see that it is better. I can still be my bad @ss self and not give them an ounce of me.

Whatever they get, I want them to think, dang, she's good.

Mighty #2506547 11/12/14 02:13 AM
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Mighty, you inspire me. Really. I, too, was afraid of getting to that place where I really don't want anything to do with him. I'm getting there. As he continues to be the stranger that he has become - a totally different man - I realize I would not choose him for a husband today. That is sad, after being together every day for 20 years. But, I look forward to reaching the place where you are, because it's necessary for us to move on. Keep going Mighty. You're doing awesome...


Me 53, XH 57
M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids
BD June '13
H moved out July '13
Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14
H filed for D Nov. '14
D March '15
Mighty #2506550 11/12/14 02:29 AM
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Originally Posted By: Mighty

I want to be at a place where it is no sweat. If I had to talk to either of them, I could do it and just be me. This does not mean I would go out of my way, nor that I would give them a taste of my awesomeness for them to enjoy. I just mean that I will be the best me and give them something to think about when I walk away. Not something for them to talk about.

I used to look at these women who could pull this off, the whole composure, high road, stfu, grace... I never understood it. I didn't think that I could ever do it. Honestly, time will tell if I can or not. But I just didn't get it. I put them in a different category. Not better, just very, very different from me. Now, I see that it is better. I can still be my bad @ss self and not give them an ounce of me.

Whatever they get, I want them to think, dang, she's good.


Mighty, you already are amazing! You can lump yourself into that category! Those last 3 paragraphs have me smiling ear to ear for you and thinking "dang, I'm gonna copy and paste that and read it every day!" that is exactly what I want to be if/when I am ever confronted with the OW or even just when I see H in the future. You go girl! (that feels so weird to type and yet, so fitting!)


Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
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