Thank you for your kind words. I am really humbled by them, M.
It is not at all strange that you were frightened of getting to where you are. This isnt how it was supposed to go. He wasnt someone who was supposed to betray you. Yet you were holding onto what you knew. That's our comfort zone. The life we know. The spouse we love. We know how to do that.
Taking the leap of faith to let go of that is scary. We dont really know, at the beginning, where we are going to land.
It's all a process, this. While none of us wanted this, none of us saw it coming; we are given this amazing opportunity. We get to start anew. We get to go back to thinking about who we are and what we want.
When we begin to make changes, slowly at first, with trepidation, trying on this new person, it is scary. And then, eventually we become who we were meant to be.
We learn that no one can make us happy and it must come from within. When that happens, the real healing begins.
As I grew stronger, I realized that the way for me to find peace was to be true to me and to be my authentic self always.
So, that's what I did - even when I met her. I was me..hair flip and all. LOL!
Be you, Mighty. Choose joy. Life is what you make it. Make yours great. Not because of what happened...but in spite of what happened.
Text from xh. He said I need to be prepared in case he loses his job. The text was full of errors, which is not usual for him & a little difficult to follow (jargon), but I got the gist. Consult company there taking out mgmt. "no one is safe" they were told.
Don't know how serious this is or he is looking for a reason to text, but his communication is not normal vernacular.
If I lose support, I am in big trouble. I will lose my house & there are no good apts where I live that are affordable for me & kids.
I responded: I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it works out for you... I know you are good at your job.
Well, he just might have to sell HIS house and cars so he can pay his child support. It's NOT optional.
Yes, if he ends up in a lower-paying job he might be able to get his child support reduced - hopefully he will not be on the chopping block, but if he is, well, you'll just have to take it one day at a time.
May I recommend a couple of excellent resources for reducing your expenses right now - may help you to build up an emergency fund: - The Tightwad Gazette books by Dacyzyn. Great creative ways to save money and still do fun artsy stuff with your kids - MrMoneyMustache website and forum - will really make you think about ways to save money and reduce expenses.
How does this affect your plans to finish fixing up your house? If you DO end up in a position eventually where you have to sell, you need the house to be finished so you can get top dollar for it. But you also need to be saving up a serious emergency fund. Is there an extra bedroom you could rent out? Any way to earn extra money on the side? Will you still get any child support for S17 after he turns 18, or was that going to go away anyway?
Your ex must be soiling himself right now - new house, new baby coming, child support to pay, and now the threat of losing his job? And yes, OW probably isn't going to be too happy when sugar daddy isn't a sugar daddy anymore.
I've been at the low where you can't make mortgage payments because of a lack of support. I survived and can help you avoid the mistakes I made.
Since he has given you a hint of trouble on the horizon, you can prepare. Like Ellie said, support is not Optional. He HAS to pay. I wish I had listened to her Ellie sooner.
You can protect yourself.
I wonder if he is in danger of losing his job because of the affair? My dad lost his for messing around with his secretary.
Hang in. You will be ok.
I'm sorry I didn't get back to you about today. I threw myself into this last issue of the newspaper. It rocked!!!! :-) Except the stupid masthead which is all screwed up because of the name change. Ugh.
Now, I'm exhausted.
Could we plan for this weekend? You name the place and I will be there.
We're not supposed to give out our emails and so forth on the boards. I'm going to encrypt it.
h (disregard this) berry (disregard this too) @ (and this) wdt (and disregard this last bit) .net
:-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I am so sorry you have to deal with this possibility. Try to prepare but don't get too obsessed because that will just erode your ability to take care of yourself and the kids.
Maybe make a list of things you can do now and stuff you can do if the worst happens and then maybe add a column for the things or decisions you must just completely let go of because you don't have any control.
Sending good thoughts your way. Keep us posted.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. It helps to be supported... just know... I am cheering for you, too!
It is an amazing journey, huh? One that we didn't intend, but learn to make the best of. That's the most important part- make the most of this. It would be terrible to sit in pity and misery and spend the rest of your life like that. I have a family member who is. We aren't really close- for that reason.
It is great to come here and get this amazing support. I feel blessed.
Taking the leap of faith to let go of that is scary.
Has been paralyzing me in certain aspects.
We get to start anew. We get to go back to thinking about who we are and what we want.
I'm finding this is the fun part. Tough, challenging, but exciting. And without influence!
We learn that no one can make us happy and it must come from within. When that happens, the real healing begins. This. Is. So. True.
As I grew stronger, I realized that the way for me to find peace was to be true to me and to be my authentic self always. So, that's what I did - even when I met her. I was me..hair flip and all. LOL!
I will have to remember that. I will let you know how it work out for me. Sometimes I am like a SNL character. I'd probably flip my hair then trip over my own feet.
Be you, Mighty. Choose joy. Life is what you make it. Make yours great. Not because of what happened...but in spite of what happened. Hallelujah! Preach it,uR
bea, xh never dealt with this stuff very well. He was always stressed. I wonder if my layoff 3 yrs ago (1 yr prior to the crazy year of family cancer, nephew's death, ect) was the first thing that triggered this whole thing.
I can't imagine now, with his hyper sensitive emotions, and now the added stress of another family... hmmm... it will be interesting to see how it plays out.
Ellie (If I may)thanks for the suggestions. I think I have the Dave Ramsey book around here somewhere. I will check out your recommendations, too.
I don't think it was a drunk text. I would assume he was at work (and I have been told by someone they don't think hww is fond of xh drinking while she is preg????!!!) Maybe in a rush, stressed, I don't know. But, it seemed excessive. Unnecessary details. Maybe he was looking to vent or *talk* or something. I know he has hww, but it could be possible that it is weird for him not to have me in a time of stress like this. He did text me right away in January when he got his promotion (and now I know he was with hww at the time). Whatever, I'm not going to really read into that.
Heather, I know you have many life experiences that can help me. I knew you were busy this week, so I figured you'd reach out when you were ready. I will look into this weekend. I have a few things going on Sat morn, but I would love to meet up. I will email you.
Gwen, thanks for your support. I don't think I will become too obsessed. I am taking things in stride. Whatever happens, it will be worked out somehow- even if it's not the way I had originally planned. I've always been a 'roll with the punches' kind of chick, but now.... ha... not much phases me. Yeah, I freak out about my own emotions, I guess (much less now), but when things happen, I am pretty calm. At this point I just laugh. It's like, OK, what next? What didn't I think of that will come out of left-field?!
