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#2502356 10/30/14 09:25 PM
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Mighty #2502358 10/30/14 09:32 PM
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That thread went quickly. I have found that quick threads do not equal good circumstances. My longest lasting threads, I noticed, have been when less is going on.

Less is good.

Unless, of course, I am just now on the fast track to moving on?!

Well, I have a feeling that this one will be about the most change. I have felt a lot of growth in the past two weeks.

Now I am up for quite a challenge. Things are getting sticky right now. I am glad we are leaving for the weekend, but I am really nervous about xh really losing it at this point. I had an unknown cell phone call the house. We don't use the house phone at all.. it just keeps my bill lower by having it. I am afraid it was xh on hww's phone. I don't know, but since we don't use it, I just unplugged it.

I just went around building Fort Knox-type security. I changed the locks (xh does not know, and probably thinks he still has a key, but they are the locks you can recode. I don't think he knows that). but I had to double secure things. Blockade windows and things. I don't like that. I also alerted my neighbors to keep an eye out.

He is snapping. I am taking the brunt. I don't know what is going to happen.

I have got a feeling, though, that I will be digging deep! I think I will be faced with some real challenges very soon up the road. Probably some of my biggest every. I will be doing my best to do what is right for my kids and me.

Mighty #2502379 10/30/14 10:54 PM
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Mighty,

Smokey did a lot of the prowling around our property for awhile. He even texted me one evening when he was in our yard at 4 a.m.

I guess it sorta became our new normal for awhile. It dies down.

I'm glad you changed the locks.

I've always struggled with anxiety. And, I would get terrible premonitions of things to come...some became reality, some didn't. In the end, there was nothing I couldn't handle.

There's this great gospel song I listen to where the minister says in the beginning, "No matter what you may be going through, cheer up! You can handle it! If you got it, that means you can handle it. Look at your neighbor and tell him, 'Cheer up! YOU can handle it!"

You got this Mighty. He ain't nuthin but a sad, troubled guy who has altered his life in an unimaginable way.

I'm so glad you are leaving for the weekend. You will come home with a clear head and a fresh perspective.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2502382 10/30/14 11:03 PM
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Mighty,

I know you know this, but just be...careful. He sounds a bit unhinged.

Good for you for changing the locks and all the rest. Being proactive is really smart.
I don't know how wacky he can get but maybe having a few "contingency plans" in place in case he really goes off might be a good idea?

I'm glad you'll be gone because putting some distance between him and the rest of the family sounds like the best plan at the moment.

Take care.


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



LoisB #2502386 10/30/14 11:21 PM
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And if you end up discussing it with your son:

- there is no test for HPV in men
- the lack of visible warts in men does NOT mean they cannot transmit the virus
- yes, you might have had the virus from another partner in your youth and never had sxs or an abnormal pap until now; however the timing is highly suspect
- The lesson for your son is ALWAYS use condoms.

In the future - I would have avoided involving S in issues like this. I know he found the papers but if he had asked if H gave it to you, I would have just answered "I don't know".

The worst feeling for the kids is to feel like they have to choose a side. My kids are super sensitive to that even though we have been very careful not to involve them.

As for crazy ex spinning - avoid contact as much as possible. If you feel you need to, later you can simply reiterate that HE is responsible for his relationship with the kids and YOU are not interfering with that (maybe suggest to him that he would like to go to therapy with the kids???? lol, of course he wouldn't).

kml #2502395 10/30/14 11:47 PM
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Mighty. I hope you enjoy your trip. I'm sure you will.

When it comes to the ex and the accusations? Personally, I still get those from ex and now her husband and my daughter. Likely because I won't respond to ex's accusations. But who really knows? How do you figure out a crazy person?? Let me know if you can figure that out smile

But for me the best response has been...nothing. As long as he accuses, no need for a response. If he calms down, you can have a conversation then, but promise yourself you won't otherwise. I know it's hard. Raising kids has some challenges.

If he sends email like that? I have a policy that if my kids are cc'd, I won't respond. If they ask or want to talk about it? I'm happy to, but I won't bring it up nor respond with them in the cc. That's an easy red flag that they are looking for attention any way they can get it. Starve a fire, right? Deprive it of oxygen.

If he can cooperate rationally? By all means, co-parent. If not, then it's not worth the time and takes away from your ability as a mother to focus on the important things. Treat it accordingly.

Anything else will just pull you into the muck and you don't need to be there. It's your choice of course.

Enjoy the trip!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2502458 10/31/14 03:00 AM
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Hey guys.

Thanks Heather. I'm OK, I have been thinking about it, and I feel like if I feel bothered, xh must really be stirring. Can't be the happiest household.

kml- yeah, you know your stuff. I didn't really include s17 on the convo. I didn't specifically say anything. He did the asking, I just answered. It wasn't to throw anyone under the bus, and I tried to soften it as much as I could. S17 did a research project on this two years ago and knows all about it. I think he knew more than me!

(Oh and my experience before xh was a total of 3 times with protection... very unlikely...)

GGG- definitely unhinged. He was in the military. Infantry paratrooper. He can be aggressive when he wants something, feels wronged/threatened, those things. And that was before. Ugh, I just don't know. I mean he is so different, I just don't know what to expect.

AJ- my man! Silence, silence, silence. That's all I've got to give. He is so irrational at this point that I have no interest. He will not "hear" anything I have to say. I thought I could handle it this morning when I answered his call. It was evident that I was not dealing with someone who wanted to hear anything I had to say.

This is what I see. XH has TONS of anger. He has not been accountable for his actions. He is dying to blame someone. Now that this has happened, he is using this as MY doing for him to blame EVERYTHING for the last year on. It is so unreal. He finally has something to pin on me. Even if he has it all twisted and does not want to hear the truth. At all.

I can't give that energy. (Yet, here I am.)

But he keeps reiterating that he had a good time with s17 and I wanted to sabotage that so I told him when he got home. It was nothing like that at all!!!

S17 was mad at him 3 days later when xh was sending him millions of crazy text messages. He was doing it to d13 to who was also annoyed.


Mighty #2502466 10/31/14 03:23 AM
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Mighty, he is sitting on a freaking powder keg right how. Holy cr@p. The anxiety has got to be building all across the board. No way this is a joyous time for him. It can't be.

Let me be clear, I have zero concern for your a$$hat xh now....just trying to imagine the temperature because it is no surprise he is freaking out more an more as the date approaches. I'm soooooo glad you took the precautions you did. Smart lady, you are.

I've seen so much growth in you and your responses to xh. You got this. He knows it. Scary to see him coming back for mini attacks on you and kids.

As always, positive thoughts, prayers, and hugs your way.

Mighty #2502467 10/31/14 03:24 AM
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I am so upset about this for s17, and I am so sad for myself. I can't believe that this was my husband. I am having surgery and he is using that as a reason to blame me for all his problems. I am not trying to make a big deal about this, but it is sad that someone who was your husband... forget it.

He just kept lying, though. Yesterday it was he had just seen the email about my surgery because he does not check that account. Today he saw it 6 weeks ago and has since been tested (liar). It is insane.

The document was 2 pages long, all bashing me. It started off saying "I can't believe it has gotten this dirty to where your mother will take any necessary step to put you against me."

Keep in mind, he sent the nastiest email about s17 a couple weeks ago. If I showed it to s17, I am sure s17 would NEVER speak to him again. I'm serious. It was terrible.

"Your mom is angry with me and it appears she will do whatever it takes to destroy my relationship with you and d13."

It only get worse from there. He took any communication we had and used it to say that I was trying to get them to argue. He kept asking for me to communicate with him. When I let him know about s17's stash and that I came home and he was high, he told s17 that I told him to damage their r. What the????!!! (And s17 knew anyway, because I always told him when I was letting his dad know. Because they didn't have a r, but I would say, this is something your dad should know. Not anymore!

But as I was driving home tonight, I thought about something. His text to me started with, "You think u have it all figured out." Hmmmm.... maybe he THINKS I think that. Why? Am I portraying that? Is he watching me? Maybe because I am not falling for his garbage? I definitely don't think that, but maybe I look like it!

But, ladies and gentlemen..... the best line EVER...

"You're trying to destroy my relationship and character."

My plan worked! I have spent years plotting to get child support and make him broke, while I live the life of luxury to sustain my greedy, selfish ways. I injected skankness into my cells to have a surgery as a ploy to destroy his relationship with his son (and daughter by default). I forced him into a v-reversal to trap him into a r with a young girl.

I am sure I am the cause of every other little problem he has, but frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

I am realizing... I am not going to let this stop me. I slowed down a little, but I'm picking the pace back up.

He is the one suffering. He is reminding me more and more why I want to get further away. He has made these choices. I have not done this. I didn't want this. He did. It just didn't turn out the way HE wanted. He is learning that others have feelings and opinions. It is not all about him.

I'm just gonna keep doing me.

Mighty #2502468 10/31/14 03:26 AM
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Mighty, so sorry you have to deal with all that. The x is definitely spinning and spinning fast. Happy people do not do things like that. I’m thinking he is very angry at everything and everyone. What about that happy “family” that he envisioned with the ow? I suspect it the house of card is starting to crumble. Just stay away from the garbage when it crashed down to the ground.

Sending some HUGS to you.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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