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"I guess this truely marks the end."

Why?

"I thought maybe she was coming around but honestly as long as she has OM why would she? I've been dreading this for so long now, I just want to break down and cry, beg her to give us a chance, scream at her for disregarding our marriage vows. I feel so helpless knowing nothing I do matters to her."

What have you been doing for YOU?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Be Strong!!! I know It is hard. I have a mediation appointment to go to in a week. Splitting kids, finances. Every night I want to break down. Shift focus on yourself. What can you do for yourself. Try to think of 1 thing that will be better. Work towards that goal.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

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Hoju Offline OP
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Why? Well simply we are both young attractive people with no kids. Once the D is done it's actually harder for us to get back together then to just meet someone new. For her to even face friends and family at this point would be tough, after seperation is done forget about it.

I do lots for me and I've been much healthier in my activities, I love the new (revived) me. I've been really depressed for well over a year and didn't even realize it. I was escaping waiting for time to pass hoping and praying the IVF treatments would work so I could stop blaming myself. I just wish it didn't take losing the love of my life to wake me up.

Now I feel totally helpless in my sitch


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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"Well simply we are both young attractive people with no kids. Once the D is done it's actually harder for us to get back together then to just meet someone new."

Not true. I've known plenty of couples with no children who have gotten back together. The bottom line is that you're her H. No matter how many years down the line you are apart, you will always be her FIRST H. People don't forget that.

Everyone feels helpless. It's not just because they don't have kids together or whatever. Ask the person whose spouse runs off with an OM or OW who's rich or any other circumstance. They've all felt helpless.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Originally Posted By: Hoju
For her to even face friends and family at this point would be tough, after separation is done forget about it.
It is impossible to say what will happen in time in any of our sitches. I'm sure she doesn't want to be around them or face them right now. Give it time and don't worry about it.

I don't know if your family would tend to be harsh towards her since she left you. If so, I would request that they treat her respectfully. That will help to keep the road home paved a little smoother, plus it's simply the right thing to do. I know a few women in my family would love to "speak their mind" to WAW, but I made it clear that I would never condone that. They love me enough to be pleasant around WAW if they see her (which they will tonight).

And if it's your W's shame or guilt for leaving the M or hurting you that makes her not want to be around your family, that is understandable right now, but it would fade if things improved in your sitch. It is not that big of a road block unless something ugly happens between her and your family.

Originally Posted By: Hoju
I just wish it didn't take losing the love of my life to wake me up.
We've all had that thought, usually many times. But keep working against that type of thinking. It only causes you unnecessary pain. Dodge those thoughts, man! It's history, it's past. It [censored] that it happened, but it did. Stockdale Paradox!


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
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Hoju Offline OP
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Thanks mrbond and card for your posts, I really appreciate it.

W texted me this morning and asked if I needed help packing, I should decline right?


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
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Hoju Offline OP
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W also just told me she has a dentist appointment next week and asked if she can still use my work insurance plan. I want to say yes because I feel it's the right thing but that's cake eatting right?


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
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Hoju Offline OP
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Well after being dark for so long it feels like a whirlwind all of a sudden.

I asked W if now would be a good time to split up the cats. She very politely asked if there was any way I would consider letting her keep both. She offered compensation in the form of money or to buy me a dog. I don't care about money and I'm moving to an apartment so as much as I want a dog (not that i would let her get it for me) that is completely out of the question. I love my cats and don't want to lose them too but I really don't want to hurt W.

Also something I found odd was that she asked if this was a conversation we should have in person? I don't want to meet in person, if I see her start to cry I would give her anything.

I know DB says to do things that challenge her core beliefs which awkwardly enough in my case would be to take the cat as I've always put others needs and feelings ahead of my own. That being said I'm sure that's not what was intended by 180 and if that's who I need to become to get her back, then forget it I don't want to be that person. I guess in typing this I've answered my own question cry


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
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Hoju Offline OP
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Anyone have any advice on the packing help, benifits or that cat issues?


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
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Originally Posted By: Hoju
Anyone have any advice on the packing help, benifits or that cat issues?


On the insurance, I don't see this as a matter of cake eating, but whether she still had coverage on your plan or not. If she's still covered under your plan, then yes, she should use it. Someone (you or your employer) paid the premiums, why wouldn't you use the coverage?



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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