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Ahoy Offline OP
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Maybell, it wasn't you, so don't worry.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
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If I offended, Ahoy. Not intended. You have been a huge support for my and I appreciate it.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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Ahoy, great to get an update! Be well, my dear.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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Glad to see an update from you. I look forward to reading your posts, as I think you sound very insightful. So sorry for the medical issues you are facing. Prayers and positive thoughts as you deal with that.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Hi Ahoy. Your back. GREAT You have been a huge source of support for me and in my darkest moments a kind post is fantastic to read. Re your health issues please keep posting as it's strange but you start to care about virtual friends. Just to throw my penny's worth in, your H is thinking about all this as much as you if not more and if your only half as cool and nice as you seem on here then he is going to lose a special lady who he will struggle to replace. Sorry for long winded post. Just wanted you to know you have made a difference in case you decide to stop posted Rd500.

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Ahoy Offline OP
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Not you, either, Jefe! Don't worry. You've always been a kind supporter.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
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Ahoy Offline OP
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kind of blew it last night. H had told me he couldn't make parent-teacher conference because of work conference in NY. Then I found out from one of his colleagues -- a friend of mine -- that he isn't going on work trip to NY but to Philly (where his GF lives).

He wants to build trust with me so that we can get through the dissolution process (which will take a lot of trust), but he lies to my face.

I know I shouldn't have called him, but I did. I asked him if he was going on the work trip (they ride a bus together to get there). He said yes, so I asked if he would need my help watching D14, since the trip goes through Monday. Then he admitted that he was flying, and probably not participating in all the work related events and so would be back on Sunday. I said, "So you're not going to Philly?" Then he admitted that he planned to take a bus from NY to Philly (where he will have to stay the night, of course). Who flies to NY then takes a bus to Philly, then back to NY just to fly back. This man is a liar.

I told him I didn't care what he was doing (or who) and that I don't need the details, but that if he wanted to build my trust he should be truthful with me.

Remind me why I want to save this M? Do I? Really?


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
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Oh Ahoy-

I wish I had some good advice. I really don't know how to deal with all of the lies. In my case its not so much the divorce process - but how the heck am I going to co-parent with this guy for the next 15 years when he tells such whoppers?

I'm insisting on co-parenting counseling for that reason (which he has agreed to) and honestly that will be my question for the counselor - How do we build up some type of trust that will allow us to partner together for this critically important task?


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Ahoy my dear, glad to hear the update. And glad that you still have health insurance!

To me, it sounds like he is in the fog. Wants to get away from you as quickly as possible so that he can continue with his OW and/or dating additional women. He wants to be freeeee! I'm in a similar situation. My H said he was completely done and just wanted to be free, and finally I acted like that was OK with me and that I was moving on too. That was when I started to see glimmers of his confusion, sadness and regret.

I don't know what will happen with your situation or mine, but I think you are doing the right thing letting him go on his path and telling him you are on your own path as well. At the same time, slowing down the D process is smart. Time will tell if he starts to regret his choices when he is free to do whatever he wants. Perhaps he will discover the grass is not greener, and when the fog starts to lift he will see that he made a mistake.

If not, you are on your path and will be making your own life better each day!

Stick around here! smile
Hugs, Lisa

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Ahoy Offline OP
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There are so few positive outcomes on these boards. It makes me wonder if there is really any hope.

I know there is hope for saving ourselves in this process, but I wonder how many marriages are actually saved once they reach this point.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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