Last night, around 230 am, I get up to use the bathroom. My phone dings, like an email or text, I think nothing of it, and continue to the bathroom. I get out and the W is standing on the opposite side of the bed with my phone in her hand. "someone is sending you coochie pics on your phone....." I said "WHAT?! are your serious? from who!?" She just kinda laughed and said " you are acting all high and mighty but you're still doing the same sh*t" I pleaded to her that I swear I don't know who that is.
I even told her to call the number and see who it was, to check the phone bill and see that it was the only time that number had ever texted me! It was a number I've never seen before! She then proceeded to look at the entire convo between me and the OM's XGF. She was upset because I was "telling her our business" She saw that I had expressed my hurt and longing to reconcile with my W, and was looking for nothing more than advice. I again said that I was regretful and did not think she would care, as she told me before. She was upset nonetheless.
She gave me the phone back and I called that number back right away. To make that short, this woman was trying to reach someone totally different than me! I made sure to have the phone loud enough for her to hear the convo. I like to think that she believed me, because when I had my infiidelity years ago, I would react totally different and not soo confident that I had nothing to worry about.
I talked a little bit more about how I dont know who it was and that was sorry for communicating to the XGF. And that the only person I want to talk to, doesnt want wo have anything to do with me. I told her that I love her, and only her, even though she may not love me. She repsponed "I never said I didn't love you, but it's just not as strong as it used to be"
To cut it short, I ended the convo on "It hurts me to see you soo hopeless about us, but I can understand why you would be, I just ask that you don't throw in the towel just yet....goodnight, I love you" She responed in the same.
On a side note: She did reiterate, albeit semi angrily, that she does not talk to the OM anymore. I have yet to come accross evidence to the contrary. Possibly due to no snooping?
I am scared that this may have been a major blow to my already minimally effective DB'ing efforts. Is there a way that I could have handled this better?
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
"Is there a way that I could have handled this better?"
Yes. If it was a wrong number, you didn't have to beg for her to believe you. You should have just told her that it was a wrong number and that if she didn't believe you that she was more than welcome to check the phone records and call the person back. Then just walk away and go back to bed.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
*sigh* I tried to not react based off of emotion. I was completely calm in the entire convo, did not raise my voice, or show any anger. More of a concern that she may not believe me. I am still semi pleased that it seems like she shows signs of jealous. A degree of jealousy is healthy on an R correct?
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
I am still semi pleased that it seems like she shows signs of jealous. A degree of jealousy is healthy on an R correct?
I wouldn't read too much into that either way. She's been with you for 10 years. Even if she is currently contemplating S, part of her is still not going to be thrilled with the thought of you with OW. Try not to build your hopes up with mind reading like that. I have seen lots of little "good signs" along the way with my WAW, yet they have been mixed in with an unwavering desire to not commit to our M. Of course it's okay to have hope for your M, but don't build it solely on thoughts like that. You will only set yourself up for disappointment when she acts like a WAW again.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I guess the reason why I was concerned is because a I believe that my past has a lot to do with my current sitch. She has trouble believing that I have changed, and that I am continuing to change.
Last night, things got prety bad. To start, I called her best friend to get some advice on the date idea for Bachata lessons. When I called her she was at home.
When I talked to the W earier that day she was gonna go get balloons for my S's bday. She got out at 7....didnt come home until 1130....*sigh* I tried my hardest to not be concerned with it but damn, it got me. I woke up when she got home while she was blowing up the balloons. I just made casual convo about what she got him and such. She told me she went to eat with her best friend....my heart dropped be cause I knew she was lieing.
I told her I knew she didnt go with her, not becasue I was snooping, but because I was asking her friend for the advice and I put it together when she told me that she was with her. To top it off, she used my money to pay for it. The amount seems as if she paid for her and whoever she went with. I asked who it was, she said, I dont have to tell you.
She says that in her mind, we are separated, we talked about the R some, and I said that I do not want the separation, and i don't think that seeing other people will help anyone work on themselves. But she said she cant change the way she feels right now. After some more talking, I said I'm willing to move to my aunts for a few weeks, just to take the edge off of it all, and that I shouldnt be the one to have to move out since Im not the one unsure.
She said that she will move upstairs until she can build more clientel and figure something out. I continued to say that I did not want this, all I want is for her to accept my love, and not give up on us (I know a big no no, but the convo got really deep)
Whats crazy is that when she got ready for bed, she came into the room and said "do you want me to start liviing upstairs tonight?" I said "no". She got in bed, and long story short we ended up having sex. Kind of odd though, she sais "its just sex, if youre gonn **** me then **** me" I was surprised. Its almost as if she wanted me to take advatage of her, nothing too crazy, not like we havent done anything like that before. SHe seemed to really enjoy it.
What is going through her head? It seems like she is a WAW, with MLC and something else in her head. The roller coaster ride hurts!
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
Yea it seems like I have been doing that a lot lately, I read too much into it only to get my heart busted open.
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
Can a woman really be intamate with a man with whom she says she has no emotion towards?
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
mandown, my H did the same thing. Said he wanted out, initiated intimacy with me, took off his ring two days later and left to be with the OW. They are waffling in their minds and we are paying the price. Don't read anything into her intimacy with you. With my H, it didn't mean anything, apparently, and it certainly didn't make a difference.
If I were you, I would cut off intimacy though. She might be with OM and you don't want to risk an STD. You could just say, I think we should wait to be intimate at this time. When you pull away, it pulls her toward you. Just my two cents.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
