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Joined: Aug 2014
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I'm sure you will be missed. Absence makes the heart grow fonder an all that... It's good that you have a two week training class -- that will give you some space and distance to allow you to be missed as well. How are you dealing with the legal issues, since the papers have been delivered? Has it made a difference in how your W treats you?


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Thanks for checking in Ahoy. I spoke to her arty. a couple of days ago to make sure that the changes we agreed upon we're going to be reflected in the final document. She & I have not discussed D since I told her I would prefer it being held off (submitted to state) till the end of the year for tax purposes but said it was up to her. We have been on vacation together w/kids since then. She has also invited me to Christmas eve dinner and to take the kids to see Santa but you know how reliable these WAS are. I do know that when we talk bout her day or work, she never asks about mine. I can't help but wonder if she's on Facebook more for cheerleading to keep her momentum up. Can't change that. Ladies how stubborn do you have to be to say that I'm the perfect father, compliment my changes (listening, patience, weight loss), still attracted to me, admit that she made mistakes too, and not be willing to give it a go? Frustrating!!


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

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Posts: 3,500
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Quite stubborn. wink

More to say but I'm headed out for the day so I'll revisit later.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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bravo61 Offline OP
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So left work at 6a to go to W apt to watch kids till 10a when babysitter gets them. Babysitter called in sick, no problem, I've got the kids all day w/a couple hr nap to be there for my family (major 180). Before she leaves for work she says I can still do the stockings for Christmas. Great I tell her I'll just need her & the kids stockings. She said she doesn't want me doing hers that its time to "transition". WTF? Its Christmas! This is part of who I am! I guess the gifts I've already got her ill leave at her place to open w/out my presence. Id love to tell her to stop mindreading! With the lack of respect for my feelings it may start to get easier to detach. I sure do still love her though, just wish she'd grow up & see what she has right in front of her!


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
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The whole Christmas thing is horrible. My W has arranged our traditional trip to see Santa only I'm not invited. No discussion just a done deal.

I find it amazing that I can still love someone who has such a low opinion of me.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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bravo -- why are you buying her gifts? I know it's Xmas and all, but this is one of the basic rules. No gift giving. And it sounds like your W doesn't want the burden of your gifts right now.

(jim -- may I recommend making a new tradition for Xmas with just you and the kids? Cookie making and delivering cookies to neighbors? Ice skating? Be creative. Build new memories.)


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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ahoy,
you are right. what i'll do is have the kids give the couple of things i've already gotten to her.

maybell,
i eagerly await you chiming in.

update:
so yesterday i rushed home to try to make my son's practice. well, i got there but he was not there. didn't hear anything from the W until 9p. she texted to see if i wanted to tell them goodnight. called and asked S why he wasn't at practice. he didn't realize he had practice cause W forgot. man he was pissed at her. she got mad at me (i didn't really care) cause i didn't text her to let her know. i told her i was sorry he was upset but she needed to back up with her anger as i did not deserve that. told her that calmly and then said "can i speak to my D now?" she got back on the phone after that and tried to placate me (as close to apology as i'll get nowadays) by saying she forgot cause she worked so much this weekend-and then hurriedly said i did too. told her to take care and hung up. 20 min later she texted again and asked if i wanted to call him again as he had calmed down. said no that's alright i don't want to get them upset unadvertantly. she said i could take the kids out to dinner on tues nite. saind thanks and signed off.

so today went to pick the kids up and didn't really pay her any attention or really even look at her. she kinda followed me around and said "are you mad at me?" just said nope and took the kids out for dinner & ice cream. when we came back, she said that she was sorry for bing rude last night and i told her i wasn't mad but i was getting tired of the anger she was showing me. she said again she was sorry and i accepted. she asked me about work this week and i kinda blew her off (it's ok) and didn't really ask about hers. she mentioned going to disney with some of her work friends in may and not being really as excited about as she usually is (that's where our Family always vacations). she was near me and was expecting me to give her a hug when i left. i looked at her and said take care and she kinda got off the top of the table with an expectant lood on her face. i smiled and walked out the door.

got to my car and realized i left important mail inside. when i went in she got off the couch and came towards me saying, "that was abrupt. i'm glad you came back." realized i better do something to show that i wasn't mad (anger used to be a BIG problem for me) so i hugged her and said i wasn't mad. i know i shouldn't have but it was a 180 to make sure that i wasn't leaving a difficult situation with feelings of anger on both sides.
let the 2x4's commence.

on a different note, i have felt somewhat detached today. which is weird after noticing that she is following a high school boyfriend on twitter but not me.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
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Let us know the outcome over the next few days. Does she withdraw? Seem to feel ok creating distance now that she has proven to herself that you still care about her and her feelings? Or does it stay warm? Just curious.

Agreed it wouldn't be right to leave her hanging completely. Ideally instead of a hug I might've said "why's that" with a friendly smile...but spur of the moment it's tricky. The good news is that your eyes are opened and you are fairly detached so if she reads more into it then she's the one mind reading. Keep posting!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
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Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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well Zues,
interestingly enough, she called me out of the blue yesterday. i was upset because i was missing my S soccer practice (1st ive missed since i've been here). she was at the practice and she noted that it's awesome that i haven't missed any and S has too. we talked about S soccer abilities (he plays alot like i did) and how proud we were of him. she mentioned how much more difficult they have been lately (no Sh*t-wonder why?) and i validated that it was rough right now and i know she's doing a great job. she apologized again for her rudeness the other night. she asked me about work and told me a little bout her work. we talked about presents for the kids and i reminded her he has a game scheduled for fri nite and sat. i wrapped her up and she said ok have a good night, i'll talk to you tomorrow. oddly surprising that she would call considering she had plans last night w/a work friend (female). we ended talking for like 15 min. of course she mentioned that she had a lot of errands to do today. don't want to mind read but that phrase always sets my nerves on end. i've noticed that she has been on facebook a bunch kinda like an addiction. at some point, she'll run out of things to blame me with, especially as i've responded to her anger with calmness.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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i would like to mention that i HATE facebook. how many spouses have "checked out" and spent all their time on facebook checking in with people that they weren't concerned enough to keep in contact with in real life? burns me up. ever heard of a phone, or God forbid a face to face visit? that was a source of annoyment in our marriage. we would all be together and she's playing on her phone-ARGH! even my S says she's always on her phone playing with facebook. it pisses him off too. no one likes to be ignored. of course, i don't say any of this to her, not something worth fighting over and won't get me where i want to be.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

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