W called earlier tonight about trick or treat tomorrow. Apparently she's coming over to the house and treating it like any other halloween. She invited her best friend/husband, asked about getting food, etc.
Not that I want the kids to suffer, but a big part of me wants W to understand that we will not have family holidays should she wish to proceed towards D, so why should tomorrow night be any different? Putting my foot down and insisting on separate halloween celebrations with the kids will only push her closer to D though, so I just shrug my shoulders and put on a smile.
I'm having the same problem here. After a weekend of her hanging out with the 'family' on my first weekend with the kids in 2 months, just to find out she didn't want to spend the weekend alone; I had to put my anger aside and realize that the kids need to be taken into account, this is a kid holiday anyway. i needed to do whatever it took to make sure that the kids trick or treat with their friends, in their neighborhood. I extended the offer to the W to come over and take them out while I stayed back and handed out candy since it was her time with the kids. I at first was going to just have her pick them up after they were done, but figured this was the better approach for all.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Also struggling with Halloween. i have D2 tomorrow, and I'm taking her to my cousin's neighborhood where they are throwing a big family party and all of the kids will TOT together. I felt like I couldn't exclude WAW (who recently said she intends to date others) because as you said, it's a kids holiday and D2 will surely love mommy there, and WAW spent 3 weeks finding the perfect outfit on etsy for what D2 said she wanted to be. Oh well. I will be friendly but not overly friendly.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
One of W's first comments when she got here was that the house looked nice. Asked if I took the day off to clean. W's bf's family came over too. I just tried to stay friendly and social. At one point W asked if I was going to ignore her all night (I probably error to the side of being cold towards her as opposed to overly friendly). Just said 'I'm not ignoring you' and went upon my business.
Apparently she's coming over to the house and treating it like any other halloween. She invited her best friend/husband, asked about getting food, etc.
Wait a minute. Weren't you having something at your house for the kids...and she asked if she was invited? Now she has taken it upon herself to invite another couple and act like the Mrs. of the house?
Maybe I have you confused with someone else's plans. But still, that seems very presumptuous of a woman who doesn't want to stay in the M.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Wait a minute. Weren't you having something at your house for the kids...and she asked if she was invited? Now she has taken it upon herself to invite another couple and act like the Mrs. of the house?
Maybe I have you confused with someone else's plans. But still, that seems very presumptuous of a woman who doesn't want to stay in the M.
The kids party she asked about being invited to is tomorrow night. I mentioned the other day that she was more than welcome to stop by. She has a bday dinner, so said she would probably stop by for a few hrs.
Trick or treat last night- I hadn't heard anything from W on her plans and because I knew she was taking S15 over to her friend's house to play a part in their haunted house, so I assumed she was staying over there. At some point this past week she told me she would stop by to help the kids get ready. She ended up staying most of the night.
But you're correct in that her actions don't align with a woman who doesn't want to stay M. I'm done trying to read into things and figure her out, but she hasn't mentioned our S, the kids schedule, her budget or anything else since we met a few weeks ago. Her van isn't for sale (as far as I know). And that personal checking account she set up a few weeks ago- she got paid today and only $100 went to her personal account, the rest into our joint account. I fully expected the exact opposite.
At this point, I'm not sure how I should be handling things. Should I ask her when she plans on taking the rest of her things from the house? Should I be the one to start treating us like we're D- separate holidays, coming up with a budget/kids schedule, close the joint account, etc?
Or will those things only push her towards D and because she hasn't taken any further steps towards D, do I just maintain status quo and let her be the one to drive us towards D/bring up those talking points?
Right or wrong, I've decided for the next few weeks to let her be the one to drive. If she wants D, she can prompt the talk. In my email the morning after our 'testy' exchange regarding kids/budget/spousal support, I told her I was willing to work with her and she could let me know when she was ready to revisit. We've spoken several times since then and she's made no mention of restarting that conversation. If 2- 3 weeks go by and W still hasn't mentioned anything, maybe I re-evaluate. Thoughts??
Tar, I think you're right to let her drive. If she wants it, she will make it happen. If she's conflicted, she will waffle. Step back and see what happens.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
