Finished the DB book today. Scheduled to talk to Chuck tomorrow. Spending tonight with S 14. He likes racing RC cars. I do the wrenching and he does the driving. Good quality time together.
1) Working last resort - Detach 2) do not initiate any conversations about relationship 3) initiate no physical touch or ask to go out 4) don't ask about where she is going or where been 5) GAL - Work out, join gym. Do things and go out by myself or with friends 6) Spend time with boys doing fun things 7) be happy and confident 8) don't expect anything from W 9) work on my issues 10) be hopeful but prepare myself mentally for the worst
That's not the list I was referring to. In DB, you write down the issues that occurred in your M that you have control over. Then you come up with exact actions on how to fix those issues.
Your list is all over the place. For example, if you say that you are going to "work on your issues", what are they and what exactly are you going to do. For example, if an issue she had was that you were messy, then your solution could be that you will wash the dishes every day after dinner.
That list will keep you on track.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
That's not the list I was referring to. In DB, you write down the issues that occurred in your M that you have control over. Then you come up with exact actions on how to fix those issues.
Your list is all over the place. For example, if you say that you are going to "work on your issues", what are they and what exactly are you going to do. For example, if an issue she had was that you were messy, then your solution could be that you will wash the dishes every day after dinner.
That list will keep you on track.
Mike, as you put together this list it's imperative that you try to focus on "the things that sting," as they say over on the MLC forum here. Those marital complaints of your wife that you KNOW, in your gut, are TRUE and that you really do need to work on them to become a better man and husband.
It is NOT done to placate your wife, or try to "hoop-jump" your way back to her (and her to you); in fact, she will see thru that and see it as a net-NEGATIVE. Your tack needs to be "Hey, these are things I'm not proud of, that I realize I need to work no regardless of what happens to us, to make myself a more attractive partner to someone. I still hope that will be you, but I know I'm going to be okay regardless."
Not good. My 14S has never been too big on dressing up. My 11S dressed up for school but decided he wanted to hand out candy, because my W kind of talked him into doing this instead of going out. I am going to take them to burry a time capsule they put together later today.
I am really struggling with living with my W when she continues to see these other men. Sunday morning is especially hard because she puts on make up to go hiking with OM. Then we all go to church like nothing is wrong. It is hard to live this lie and no one else knows what she is doing. Thinking about telling her I am going to sit by myself in church.
I am trying to stay strong. Part of me wants to leave her, but I don't want to leave the boys or my house. She doesn't seem to care if I am GAL. It just seems to make her more free to do what she wants. I am sure she doesn't think I would leave, so she can continue to do whatever she wants. It is hard for me to GAL around her and with all the responsibility of the boys.
I know this is probably normal for this type of sich, but not sure how much longer I can do it. Needs some encouragement.
