Wife Still in MLC but has now left #6

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Matt,

Having worked in the research side of oil production, with a number of patents to my name, I have to disagree with Wonka a bit about the oil industry. Oil is a dying industry in a couple hundred years. It will take a technological break through to end it sooner and that is not happening right now. Our government and others keep investing in the wrong areas and impeding the right areas for that break through research to happen right now. So Oil will be around for both yours and my working lifetime. If it is where you are comfortable, then don't stop looking for a job in it, but don't limit to it either.

[2BHappy]

Hi Matt,

It's messed up that THAT was the song W posted. And she probably does not relate those words to you and or your M, could have been just a nice song a man sang to his wife.

Keep the focus on yourself, you seem to be really doing better, so don't let this set you back.

STAY off the FB and or unfriend her so you dont see her post.

Good luck on the job search, praying you find something you like and with good pay to help you get back on your feet.

You getting back to working will help you keep your mind off your W.

Plan some GAL's if you can very soon.

[ericmsant2]

Matt

I really have a history of entering "dying" industries!

No better time than the present to change this pattern. I know you can do it!

As for the song that W posted……..

I would begin to start really training yourself to NOT look into or give these things any (emphasis on ANY) space in your mind. Do so, will just be a waste of time and energy.

[LoisB]

Matt,

Did the expotition onto FB help you any with your job search? Did it help you clarify what you want for yourself and the girls by way of a job and new life?

Push that shid far, far away from your heart. Literally, use your hands and push the imaginary manure away from your heart...whenever it creeps into your head space...PUSH IT AWAY.

Step away from the FB.

Are you taking any anti-depressants or doing anything to help you get through to the other side?

I recently read some diary entries I had written from the beginning of August...remember then? I had no job, I had reached my limit with my old, dead life.

These are the best moments, in my opinion, to get guidance from God or whatever you see as your Higher Power. I had too much time on my hands and plenty to worry about...and, when I looked back at my journal...what was I doing? I was praying for a vision of what I wanted. I asked God to show me what He wanted for me and trusted that He would put everything into place for it to happen. But, it had to be a vision separate from Smokey. I had to let him go. Create this new vision.

It's not even November yet...Matt, you were there cheering me on all summer, even when things were at there most bleak.

I can remember my mother looking at me like I was crazy...I was dead broke and I was working through the abandonment workbook I had downloaded. I was broke, had no job, no promise of any money coming in...I spent that free time working on me and I was encouraged by these boards. YOU encouraged me...over and over...to keep plugging away at ME. I uncovered all sorts of shid. Broke some old rusty crap free from my innards. You can do this...but, let her be her crazy self and step away from the trainwreck.

Remember how I had the girls create vision boards? I'm amazed now that we had teh $20 to buy the supplies for the boards.

When we moved out...we looked at our vision boards. We were moving to a place that was pictured on our boards. Mountains and beautiful countryside and beautiful water.

When you don't know what else to do...Do nothing. Get quiet and picture this new life waiting for you. It won't be without its challenges, but it will be ALL yours and it will be FABULOUS. :-)

All you need is the vision, God will put all the rest into place.

Much love to you :-)

[LiveNow]

Hi Matt - Echoing the above, I have had my ultimate LOW moments over the past year. I am by no means a very religious person, but honestly, the last two times I was literally on my knees and, as Heather/Lois said, praying for a sign, a path to follow because I didn't know what to do. Lo and behold, both times, within 24 hours, I had my answer. Clear as day. I will be praying for you so that you may see the right path to take soon, that will bring a new job to you! Things just have a weird way of working out - that much I have learned. I wish you the best of luck in your job search.

[Matt165]

Thank you Heather, you're the best.
I have started to notice that the worse that things are, the more I ruminate on how things went bad and how they "shouldn't" be like this. It just leads to "stinkin thinkin" that is of no use what so ever! I also have had to get some info to my lawyer and I had been putting it off as I have been using my time to try and find a job. I finally was able to put it together and got it to him today. One step closer to the finalization of the D. It bothers me that I didn't want this, I can't do a thing to stop it, but in my religion it's a mortal sin and I won't be able to take communion or get remarried and have it recognized by the church. This has really started to bother me as the D gets closer. Just one more thing that all this has taken from me. I really need to change things around and start finding ways to use my sitch to make things better.

My D14 has been saying that she wants to stay at her mom's more as that's where all her friends are and of course it helps that she can do whatever she wants after school as her mom isn't home until late every night. I can't blame her and it really isn't about me or wanting to be with her mother more. It's about the fact that she is at the age where she wants to be with her friends and when she is with me she is 30 miles away from them and really has nothing to do but homework and texting. This is what happens when one S moves so far and puts the child in school so far from the other parent. Anyone on here that is going through a S or D, don't let the other S put the kids in school so far from you and your home. If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have allowed it but at the time I wasn't thinking clearly. It may be mute anyway as I may need to take a job where I won't be able to drive her 30 miles each way in the morning and afternoon and she may not be able to stay with me during school. I hate the thought but I have to make a living. I have to say that you are lucky in a way that Smokey just allowed you to take the kids with you. There is an upside to the WAS not caring as much about seeing the kids. Of course, that isn't good for them either and will be hard on them in other ways.

Thanks for posting Heather. You are such an inspiration, seeing how far you have come so fast. Now is my time to do the same!

[Matt165]

Thanks so much LN!
Means a lot to me that you are praying for me. I do know that God helps those that help themselves and I really need to stay focused and you are right, something will come up!

[tadpole1025]

Hi Matt.

Music. Ug....

You know, I was a disc jockey on the radio for 23 years and could tell you just about anything about any band. Music was such a big part of my life. After bomb drop (4 years ago), I lost my radio job and quit listening to all music. It has only been recently that I've been able to listen to a little bit. I have to be careful though because there is so much of it that hits me right in the gut. It does get better though. As for the Bob Dylan song, who knows? It probably had more meaning for you though than it did to her.

Facebook.....might want to stay away from that my friend. After bomb drop, XW unfriended me. I was crushed, but you know what? It was probably the best thing she could have done for me. I was no longer able to see what she was up to and believe it or not, it helped.

Maybe you should unfriend her? Sound harsh, but it helps....

Tad

[Matt165]

Thanks Tad,
Right after B-day I coudn't listen to music AT ALL. Seemed like every song had some kind of meaning that hit home. Since then it's gotten better but I do have to be careful as to what I listen to. As for FB...I really have avoided going on and looking at what my W is up to. I was never big on FB and saw it as one of the reasons W was always so unhappy with her life. She would read other peoples posts and think she was "missing out" when she really wasn't. Thing is my W isn't really doing anything that bothers me. It was that post just made me realize that she has no idea how what she has done has hurt me, her kids, anyone. I just don't get how normal people become so awful in MLC!

Thanks for stopping by, Tad!

[LoisB]

I can't do a thing to stop it, but in my religion it's a mortal sin and I won't be able to take communion or get remarried and have it recognized by the church.

Have you talked to a priest or nun about this? I know plenty of unconventional priests and nuns who would support you in the divorce. This was not your choice, it was a necessity because of the financial situation. It's been awhile since Henry the VIII's divorce petition was rejected. Although, in hindsight, the Pope seemed to be dead-on in that particular situation. :-)

Someone posted on my thread a few weeks ago...there are two kinds of blessings in this world... 1) Blessings and 2) Blessings in disguise.

I see a lot of my own situation in yours Matt. I was married, for a long time, to someone who was comfortable in his own shid. He didn't want to change. He felt comfortable in a different lifestyle than the one I choose. And, that's ok. I see now that, just because you love someone, doesn't mean they are the best person for you to hitch your wagon to. Smokey's wagon likes to drift to places that don't work for me.

I still hear you sounding like the victim.

After I worked through the abandonment workbook...I think I realized I was going to stay stuck if I didn't face my own demons and the real reasons I was stuck...nothing to do with Smokey...After, I filled just about every minute with uplifting, spiritual music and Youtube sermons. I'm not as diligent as I was, but I pray through music everyday.

There was one sermon, in particular, that discussed how Nothing You Have Been Through Will Be Wasted...

It was really powerful to me. I began to see the power in my weakness. Do you think you are the only Catholic who has ever had to deal with this particular awful situation? Catherine of Aragon had a similar situation. I'm not sure if she continued to take communion or not? She held her ground though!

My point: What did Moses use to change the world???? A stick. What did David use against Goliath?? A wooden slingshot (not a crossbow)...God is using your situation to help someone else. You pulling yourself out of this mess and moving forward with your life will inspire someone else who hasn't even, yet, considered the possibility of losing their spouse.

Again, are taking anti-depressants or doing anything to help with the depression. I think this is a pivotal piece in moving through the muck. It's unrealistic for you to imagine you can handle all this without some sort of support...medical, spiritual, physical...something.