Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
Or maybe I ask him if it's a business trip and if he tells me it's with OW I tell him that's his move out date? Hmmmmm......?



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Yes, Bets, this was hard won lesson in my life. Being an appeaser doesn't create good relationships.

Quote:
And this is where I start making excuses to protect myself. Yes, in order to get something I'd have to ask for it. But if I never ask, then I can't get rejected and/or criticized.

I had to realize that within myself. I had to face how P/A and downright dishonest I'd been, all for the sake of my ego.

There's a better way, rpp. You're getting there.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
Ooh, you're gonna drive yourself crazy mind reading, girl! LOL


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
Originally Posted By: Little
Ooh, you're gonna drive yourself crazy mind reading, girl! LOL


I know! It's something I generally avoid. But this one is just soooo tempting.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
So I asked him if it was a business trip. He said yes and said he'd be in (neighboring city). I can't dispute that, so I'll let it go. And know that a week after that I don't care where he sleeps.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
Is it possible that my H is the most self centered man on the planet? I don't even want to explain why right now. Maybe tomorrow in the daylight I'll see it differently. Just venting a little before I blow a gasket.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
It's possible. I'm a close runner up, I think.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
Do you want to tell your kids you are walking out the door at their birthday party, Jefe? No ? You lose.

Actually it's not that bad. I am being dramatic. I am tired. I'll post tomorrow.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
I didn't really want to win that one. Yikes.

I wouldn't want to stand anywhere near that stage on Sunday. Lightening is coming...


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 594
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 594
Originally Posted By: rppfl
Do you want to tell your kids you are walking out the door at their birthday party, Jefe? No ? You lose.

Actually it's not that bad. I am being dramatic. I am tired. I'll post tomorrow.


That is a tough situation, I am sorry you have to deal with that especially on a birthday. I can see you are protecting your children like any good parent would, I would be livid too.

This is where applying the techniques really become essential. Detachment from your husband's actions and acting "as if" will be really important. I know it feels impossible to detach right now but you are going to have to try your best, especially for your kids.

A good definition for detachment is "it is not detachment from the person we care about, but from the agony of involvement."

Your kids are going to need you to focus all of your hate and pain you are feeling right now and turn it into love and support for them.

It is not our job to punish the WAS or to show them the errors of their ways, life will do that for them. If your H actually goes through with it he will get a big dose of reality quickly. Hopefully he thinks about the kids and not just himself and does it at a different time, but we all know how selfish the mind of a WAS can be.

I would act as if you are not worried about him doing this during the birthday party. If it does go down though, just turn to your kids, no attacking or criticizing or punishing your husband. Don't make his issue your job to fix. Let the kids know mom loves them and let dad dig out of his grave alone.

But do not let him off the hook. If he says "mom and dad decided or mom and dad feel" and it is not what you decided or how you feel you need to calmly have him correct his statement. I have read this advice before on the boards and I feel it is important that the WAS owns every aspect of their actions.

Good luck and I will be thinking of you.


M:34 XW:34
Together: 10y
Living: 9y
Married: 7y
Son:6 Son:4
Separated: 12/28/13
Piecing: 5/2/14
Separated 2nd: 10/16/14
W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14
papers served: 1/27/15
D final: 3/6/15
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard