Maybe I am turning a corner but feel sad about it at the moment.
Chuck said to have hope. I do have hope for my life and my future, and happy with how I am currently living my life.
But I can't have any hope for my marriage right now. Not without expectations.
He, his family , his friends are strangers to me now. That part of my life is over.
It is so surreal to write those words but I feel like I am finally, a year later, allowing myself to come to terms with the fact that my marriage is over. A full year has gone by as of this coming Sunday, and his last message to me was about the parenting plan for April's vacation.
There is no sign of anything in the marriage to hope for. He's moved on and I need to as well.
If he has not made any further movements by the end of the year, I will push for the divorce to move forward.
This is the most heart-breaking, or maybe heart-saving (?) post I've written.
Can I "forgive" him? Not sure what that means. I can move on without hate in my heart. But I think that true "forgiveness" means that I can open a place in my heart for him. And I don't think I can do that right now. I don't feel like he should get anything more from me than the common courtesy and pleasantries I give to my colleagues whom I work closely with, but have no outside relationship with. No friendship. No going way out of my way.
Perhaps it is a sign of anger that I need to let go of, but when he first left me, I asked, "what kind of person does this to someone they promised to love and respect and support?" And I know the answer: a weak and deeply flawed one. My heart is far too precious to waste on someone like that.
I will have to think very carefully about how to someday explain this to my D if she ever asks.
I'm in a sad place right now but I think that means I'm about to move forward. Looking forward to that.
A sad post indeed, Claire. But realistically, I think most of us can only hope to be where you are after a year's time. It must be liberating to feel OK to just let him walk away and be confident that you can, should, and will find someone better to share your heart with!
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
You have sounded stronger and stronger as time goes on. A year later, I feel somewhat the same as you. I'm not going to set myself a deadline of anything, but my attitude towards relationships is simply that if a new-and-improved EX comes along, that's great, but if someone ELSE comes along, that's great too. I'm not holding my breath.. what will be will be. Sounds like you have a similar outlook.
Just posted on maybells thread, I'm interested in what your thoughts are. You're definitely much further along than me, I'm just over 4 months in...but I think this is something we all face a number of times. I get its tough because no one should live their entire life like this, and while we have to ignore what we see/hear that can seem delusional after a certain amount of time.
Why is it that only DB coaches feel like there's hope? I'm not cynical enough to think its simply because we're paying them to tell us that...most of the time
Take care Claire!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
WRT the coaches' hope, I think it's because almost every time I've heard of this happening, the WAS eventually confesses that leaving was a huge mistake.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I asked, "what kind of person does this to someone they promised to love and respect and support?" And I know the answer: a weak and deeply flawed one. My heart is far too precious to waste on someone like that.
^^^ Claire, this is spot-on. I'm where you are right now. There is a lot of sadness connected to knowing in your heart that it is over, to surrendering hope. But we can have hope for ourselves and our future.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I asked, "what kind of person does this to someone they promised to love and respect and support?" And I know the answer: a weak and deeply flawed one. My heart is far too precious to waste on someone like that.
^^^ Claire, this is spot-on. I'm where you are right now. There is a lot of sadness connected to knowing in your heart that it is over, to surrendering hope. But we can have hope for ourselves and our future.
Third-ed.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
