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Probably not a novel idea but I'd go with the makeover idea. New hair style. Stylish jeans. Classy shirts. Dangling earrings.

I think outfits/styles that are different are good. They look good. They package you different so he doesn't subconsciously think of you as the same person you were. They make you more mysterious. And they may make him wonder who you're doin it for, or who else is noticing.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
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Hi Zues, thanks for the advice. Good ideas! I have been trying to look different, also known as better! smile Lose weight, cute outfits, different style. Put more effort into my appearance both when I see him and the rest of the time. Hopefully his friends see me and also tell him I look great... plus looking better means feeling better oftentimes.

Oddly the one time he told me I looked "great" since BD was when I had on jeans, sneakers and a tshirt, with my hair up and messy. Which is my normal every day look that he is used to. When I've worn a cute dress, high heels or whatever he has not said anything except "is that new?". One time he even said "new dress?" and I thought he said "nice dress!" and I said "Oh thanks!" haha. Oops. (PMA all day baby) But he is a man of few words and very few compliments anyway so I guess I shouldn't expect to hear too much about my outfits.

Thanks Zues!
Hugs, Lisa

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I don't know your husband and admittedly I'm LBS but when my W is all dressed up it hurts because I know it's for someone else - what really provokes my feelings if love us when she is ruffked , bleary and in her jammies - that's when she is effortlessly beautiful.

Its confidence that is sexy however its packaged


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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If you have not spoken to a Divorce Busting Coach yet, may I suggest having a session now. As you say, you need to work on staying focused. Our coaches can help you do that and so much more. Call me to discuss the Divorce Bustong Coaching program.
303-444-7004


Roberta, Resource Coordinator
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LisaB Offline OP
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Thanks Roberta and jim.
I get what you are saying Jim, however when I see my H and he is all dressed up looking hot I have lustful feelings toward him. When he is not looking his best I feel like why am I wasting time on DB with this loser. ha.

I just looked at his FB page for the first time in months. I have been very good about not snooping. What I saw there didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I did see that along with liking many of my posts he is also liking OW's as well. Who knows what is going on with them but I am sure he still thinks she is just so fantastic. Hilariously she had a few new photos of herself on her page (yes I stalked her too, and yes we are friends on fb) and she is looking fat! I felt really good about that. Silly I know but one of the things he said he liked about her was that she is hotter than me. She's ok, but not looking as good as she was. I am sure he still thinks she is amazingly sexy since she has rejected him.

He has a lot of new girlfriends on there liking all his posts. He posted a photo of a meal he cooked that is my recipe, I used to make it especially for him. I guess he missed it? It made me annoyed to see the photo and all his gf's liking it and commenting on how delicious it looks. I really wanted to comment on it and say something snarky but I won't.

I guess I could think of it two ways: 1. he is showing off for his girlfriends or 2. he is trying to show me that he is missing my cooking. Well, who knows. And really, who cares.

When I think about the OW I realize that this will still be a long process. I think he is missing me and realizing he may have made a mistake (mind reading but he has said a few things about this) but if he keeps lusting after OW then it just can't work with us.

When I think about that I just want to cut him out of my life. I don't want to hang around in friendly limbo waiting for him to get over his crush on her.

I'll probably see him in the next week and that should shed some light on the subject as he is bound to say something.

Hope everyone is having a good day!
Hugs, Lisa

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Good luck seeing him next week, Lisa! Who knows why they post random stuff on FB. My H's status still says "married." I have no idea why he hasn't changed it, since I assume his OW is connected to facebook too. But I know better than to mind read, and nothing he has said gives me any hope for us.

I think I'm just going to stay off his FB page, and after the D I will likely unfriend him to keep myself from wanting to check on him. I think it will give me more peace.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Wow, so your H actually said he thinks he made a mistake? I'm always wondering if/what it will look like if my H ever comes out of this. Right now he seems stuck, not moving forward (not moving backward though which is good). I have a hard time picturing him ramping up the texts or reaching out more or saying he thinks he made a mistake. But I have to have faith that he will if he wants to come back.

Did your H cook for you? Maybe look on the bright side - he's now learning to cook!


H 37 Me 36
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Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
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Hi Ahoy, thanks for checking in. Yeah that is the reason I have avoided his FB for the past month and hid posts from him and all his friends. Who needs the annoyance of seeing him popping up with his dumb posts.

haha Ganb8te, he already was a good cook, but he is showing off his skills on Fb a lot more to lure in the comments from girls. It's rather annoying. I won't be checking his FB again...

Unfortunately he didn't come right out and said he made a mistake. I would be thrilled! He did say:
1. I miss you
2. I am much less happy now than I was before
3. when talking vaguely about the situation with OW he said something like "what if you realize that you made a mistake" (choosing OW over me)

But he also said "probably I'm just unhappy because that is normal when getting over a relationship" and stated many times that he is only unhappy because he doesn't like to live alone and be single (having nothing to do with how amazing I am, just that he doesn't like to be alone).

However the gist of what he is saying and the way he is acting tells me that he wonders if he made a mistake but is still confused and not ready to ask me for forgiveness or to try again. He is also enjoying being single and having lots of women.

Last night I went to a party and several of his male friends were there, he was not, probably he was on a date... One of his friends told me I look good. Then 3-4 other random guys started hitting on me and follow me around the party. I'm pretty sure WAH's friends saw that. I wasn't at all interested in the guys but I was being friendly and talking to them. I guess if the word gets back to WAH that Lisa was at a party, she looks great and lots of guys were talking to her that can't be a bad thing!

Blah my PMA is not so good today. Feeling sick of the situation and waiting around for WAH to wake the F up. Today I feel I want to cut him out of my life 100% and never speak to him again. I feel he doesn't deserve my friendliness.

I'm sure tomorrow that will change to something different.

Hugs to all, Lisa

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*hugs*


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
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Hi DBers!

Met up briefly with the WAH today for a quick lunch.

I have to say I think I looked pretty hot dressed up for an important business meeting today. He said nothing about that.

We chatted about random things nothing too interesting or deep. He did tell me about a date he went on the night before. Not in detail but he just told a story and mentioned how he was out with "a girl". I didn't respond.

I felt absolutely no emotion or attraction coming from his side, although he did seem nervous at first and was fumbling for words. But that could be attributed to tiredness or something else who knows. At one point he was fumbling and I laughed and said "is my sexiness distracting you?" He laughed too.

At one point he was talking and I watched him and wondered whether I have any attraction toward him at all. He is not looking healthy. He has lost a lot of weight and is very pale and sickly looking. I wonder if he always looked this way or is this a new thing. I think he is partying a lot.

This brings me to the feeling that indeed perhaps we can be friends. If I have no attraction to him, what do I care?

As I left to go back to work I was thinking about it. He didn't seem emotional and his body language was not very open. So I figured well, maybe it is all over between us. But then I remembered our first date ever. It felt very similar. I didn't know he was interested in me, I didn't realize it was a date and thought it was just a friendly outing. His behavior didn't make it clear that he was interested. I had no idea until he told me later. I think he just doesn't have a lot of sexual energy coming from him and doesn't show his emotions.

It seems weird that me not feeling attracted should make me say this but I think I will try to be friends with him and see how that goes. We made plans to spend time together again this weekend and we'll just have to see if it works or if it is weird.

I'll keep y'all posted. Have a great day!

Hugs, Lisa


Me: 34 H: 30
M: 4 years
BD: 6/15/14
He moved out 6/30/14
OW1: EA then PA after BD
Now he's dating multiple OWs
I'm over it and moving on.
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