Sometimes I hate how my memory and mind works. I used to love coming to my W's hometown. It is a small town about 3 hours from our home, which is in a city of about 1,000,000. We met at the university there. Most people from her hometown either don't go to college, or they go to the regional college about 30 minutes away. No one understood why she would leave their cozy little region to go to the "big city".
I've always loved thinking about how unlikely it was that she left this place and met me. Yeah, I know, the odds of me meeting and falling in love with any specific person are very low. But that's how my mind likes to reminisce and savor things. When is come to her hometown, I would see her high school, house and the department store where she had her first job and think, "that's where she was just before she met me". I treasured those places because one of them is probably where she was when she decided she would go to our school. This trip, however, it's been painful to see those same places. Now I cant help but think that I hadn't screwed up with her yet when she was there.
Yes, I know this is the dumbest, sappiest thing you'll read all day, but that's how my mind works and wanted to let it out. It's not something I can say to someone out loud, in person lol. I'm hoping that writing these things down will take away the sting. Because really, why do I care about the dept store she worked at when she was 17, whether we are happily M'd or not?
Other than that, today was decent. Had a sweet nap with D2, laying in bed again with her now. And the rodeo was really awesome! My cousin is supremely talented, so entertaining. Nonstop action in the ring, too. I thought D2 would only last 20 minutes and then would need to leave. She had a blast the entire time! No time to be worried about WAW!
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
It's OK Card. That is normal. My head is chock full of that stuff too.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Struggling again today. Just me and D2 alone in SIL's house until this afternoon. No adult interaction until later this evening when we go to day 2 of rodeo. I really bought in to the hopelessness that she displayed on the phone call. I know there is nothing that someone else could provide for her emotionally that I couldnt. I know this, but right now I don't believe it and am seeing/feeling her hopeless point of view of our M.
Fighting to regain my hope, though. She's in her fog. Don't believe anything I hear and half of what I see. She is speaking with absolute negativity. (Speech to self)
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Fifty jumping jacks and ten laps around the backyard. Report back when you're done.
yeah, I haven't exercised since the phone call 6 days ago...that can't be helping anything. Alright, I just laid down D2 for her nap. She's in a new room, so I'll give her 15 minutes to make sure she's settled, then I'll get some yard sprints in. Will report back
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Well I'm panting and sweating (didn't bring workout clothes, had to run in jeans and its 80 degrees today). Definitely not mopey right now. Hopefully this feeling will last until the rodeo later. Once I get back home, it's back to the gym and the trails/road
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I had fun at the rodeo. My family is crazy and kept me more entertained than the rodeo. That said, I am living in hell thinking about WAW. Right before she dropped the "dating others" bomb on me, she told me she'd be at a costume party tonight. So of course all I can think about is her and possible OM right now. Until I learn how to deal with this, I hope I never know of a social plan of hers again while she is "on the prowl" or whatever the hell she is doing.
Last edited by Card29; 10/26/1403:38 AM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
