H is MLC and very compulsive. I wanted to be a WAW but had second thoughts and after research found DR which is now worn out. Came to this forum looking for feedback and to assist with my strategy.
In many ways quite a long way down the road because of GAM Anon and following the 12 step program. But and its a big but still not GAL.
So goals
Lose the 20 lbs I have put on in the last 6 months Return to Ceroc dancing at least once a week Gym daily follow body for life program Get Fitbit up and running Sell house Disentangle Hs finances and mine Buy office for my business to save rent Take Portuguese lessons
So far Appointed estate agent for house and started to clean and house doctor Made bid on new office and appointed S and valuer IC with specialist in gambling gamcare charity Attended 12 steps for 3 months and ga anon for 2.5 years Started wearing make up No longer watch depressing tv but listen to music instead Read DR 3 times and lurked on board for 3 weeks
Booked assertiveness course for women for next February Cancelled joint bank cards and brought finances up to date Confided in 2 friends who are supportive of M and standing Bought old banger but more reliable old banger Got hair done professionally once a month Dragged out colourful clothes and jewellery Given up sugar and salt Weekly sauna Got nails gelled and teeth hygienist feet pedicure and chiro Cleaned windows and glasses!
Now asking for help and feedback especially on goals GAL LRT and MLC Having hard time removing drama and StFU
Regards Vanilla
Last edited by Cristy; 10/27/1404:37 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention other books, authors or websires
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
H and I are on holiday. I joined H last Wednesday and he has been here for 2 weeks mainly playing golf in tournaments. H appears to have been drinking very heavily every night. Yesterday he drank 8 pints ( or more?) starting lunchtime.
Had a major eye opener last night though. H has a short fuse can be about anything, an overcharge, a bad driver on the road, poor service, any minor error on my part, and last night from a dinner companion who took an important work call after dinner.
H spewed and then went to bed. My good friend stayed for coffee and quietly handed me a spare set of keys in case I needed to get away. I tidied the dinner things and went to bed in another room. I need not have worried h was fast asleep snoring like a bear and woke this morning cheerful, made coffee for me bought bread and then went to golf! I was proud of myself as I STFU. No pont in arguing with a drunk nor an amnesiac, is his life after all. Friend txt me and I told her all was ok and not to be concerned. We go home to-day and I am back to work tomorrow. I can GAL with more confidence at home as I have my resources around me and my books. Regards
Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
My second marriage was very ordinary and based more on friendship than anything else, H2 was in the same field as I was and we were compatible intellectually. There was little passion either way but a great deal of respect and meeting of minds. The marriage was 20 years.
What m issues did we have together? I assume you refer to current M so am answering that. I think H was more traumatised that I understood by the death of his son of bowel cancer. It turned out he has gambled everything he owned and more whilst telling me that his resources had gone on care for a sick wife and son. His DW enabled his gambling, drinking and smoking. He stopped all of this not long after meeting me and disclosed how his life was out of control. He attended GA and said he stopped. The crisis came within 2 months of us being married when a new boss told him he would need to improve to stay in role. H declared great unhappiness and decided to leave and he took money from his pension. Of course it's all gone and we have the crazy world of MLC. I did not cope with the chaos very well at all but have attended gam anon and I still go to the meetings. H ceased ga almost as soon as he started but he claims not to be gambling. I have let go of my desire for him not to gamble with a great deal of help and support from my group only H can make that choice. H has declared he can no longer pay his share of the bills and wants his share of the assets! This means I have to sell my home to pay him off. My S tells me that if I leave it too long he will get half of everything I have built. That actually does not matter if I can save my M. I love H but struggle with the MLC part of life. I am trying to learn or unlearn behaviours very quickly. Regards and thanks Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Decide to do a 180 to day. I will give H what he says he wants and agreed the following with him: 1. I will pay a flat sum when the house is sold Generous sum 2 neither of us will have any future rights to assets pensions or the business nor will we inherit if either dies 3 each of us will receive payment if we work in the business at market rate 4 each will pay 50% of the bills but I will pay the mortgage and repairs
Seeing this in black and white broke my heart again but I held it together and drafted a basic agreement for us to sign. What a way to run a marriage but at least the crazies will leave us with a roof over our heads and H has cash to live his life. H was very relieved and was very co-operative. Am going gal and sauna tonight so no overlap. Gam anon tomorrow so he won't see my tears. H playing golf all day tomorrow DB arrived to day so can begin reading that Regards Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
"Of course it's all gone and we have the crazy world of MLC."
I don't think it's all an MLC as you described. Your H has had a lifelong gambling addiction and his current behaviors seem to continue that trend.
He wants the quick fix. That's what gambling does. He wants instant gratification and it seems like his demanding the assets is more of the same. Now is the time to totally back off and let him self-destruct. Protect yourself so that he doesn't drag you down with him.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
