W left me and took our youngest 3 children on June 15, 2013 when our house of 20 years was foreclosed upon - this was my fault, I was responsible for the mortgage payments.
Early in 2014 while we were separated W decided to join dating websites, and started dating lotsa younger guys. I let her know that "you will not be married to me, and date other men", and gave her divorce papers to end our marriage. She would not sign, and instead we agreed to a "trial divorce" for 3 months (April 2014 thru June 2014).
Recently W has made known she is seeing at least 1 special OM, and has indicated she will shortly see her own divorce attorney to start/finish the divorce process. But nothing is seen, and instead both W and I have made efforts of being kind to each other.
I'm confused, but that is nothing new. I pick up my s13 like I do every Friday afternoon. W calls before I leave, to go into excruciating detail of her Friday night plans to take d20 and her bf's pictures, but d20 hasn't confirmed, and d20 may bring s13 back to my place, and that W would not be there if I do pick up s13, etc. I politely listened.
So I arrive at W's place and W is waiting for me in the lobby. She sees my neck brace and she starts to gag - W has a major phobia of things around her neck, no sweaters, turtlenecks, necklaces, etc. And for her to see this neck brace makes her freak. I give her a sideways hug, and W explains d20 could not make her photoshoot.
W asks me to connect a printer to her computer for the children - she understands I am no longer her friend and would not do this for her. But for the kids, of course I will. Problem is she has the printer in a "new" box, and there were no cords. I'm not joking, she then hands me a shoebox stamped with "Flirts" all over it, and it has a bunch of charging cords in it, but no printer cords.
W just baked some cookies, and gives me one, and I tell her it is delicious. She gives me a plate of the cookies, a very nice thing to do. My Mom during Christmas has a large number of people make Christmas cookies and deliver them for the Christmas meal feast. I told W that I was going to make a batch this year (a 180 for me), and W offered to make them with me. Also, very nice. I did not expect W to be there at her place, but we ended up having a nice friendly time together.
I will also have d17 overnight Saturday night. So although I am still recuperating from my surgery, I will have my hands full by enjoying my time with three kids at my place.
How is the recuperating going, by the way? Sounds like you are getting stronger - walking, driving, etc.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks for checking in AJ, yes, I am doing well. I am driving, went to work for a few partial days this past week. I was frustrated by the continued weakness in my left hand, and my doctor explained why - I now have a surgery consult for carpal tunnel surgery. I guess this is a good time to get things fixed.
I love having d17 over, as she is a movie watcher, while she does her homework on her laptop. We watched 'White House Down' and Cary Grant in 'An Affair to Remember'. I love everything Cary Grant has ever done. I made sure she understood its importance because of the reference in 'Sleepless in Seattle'.
I thought the opening sequence in the movie 'Up' was the most depressing sequence in movie history. But the near end of 'An Affair to Remember' is right up there. Cary Grant and his love plan to meet in 6 months at the top of the Empire State Building, and woman gets hit on her way there, leaving her paralyzed, and Cary Grant is left waiting until midnight with no answers. Then his grandma Junee dies! Ow, that is really horrible sequence!
So a funny FB post from last night, yes, my W has a wonderful sense of humor also. W posted "Best date night ever!!!" With a slew of pictures of her and a couple of her young nieces and a nephew who spent the evening with and d17 and her baking. With as many dates as she has been on, I found it funny, and I am sure her family and friends did also.
Cary Grant was really a great actor, that's for sure.
Yep, tune up time for Wet!
Your W - sounds to me like she is making peace with her life. No matter how things turn out with you and her, that's a good thing in my book. I suspect it is in yours too.
Keep healing, Wet. It's not a bad idea to finish healing from one before doing the other if you ask me.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I absolutely love Cary Grant! Only one movie I saw of his that I didn't like, it was all gloom and doom. He may have even been a bad guy. Either way, he was awesome.
Glad you are on the mend. I wouldn't put a ton of effort in trying to figure her out. Just get better. Do your best to get yourself to a place where you know where you are with all of this. Get your life plan working.
Thinking of you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I just had a really hard convo with W. She was crying. She is suffering panic attacks about finances. Her electricity will be turned off on Thursday. She knows I've been laid up for surgery, but she asks when can I pay her the child support. I told her I will pay her directly on Wednesday. I try and give her supportive words, but I mostly just listened.
Then W said she has to move forward with the divorce so she can get something from me. She says it would be so easy for me to make a lot of money. She feels like she should get more because she has lost all of her inheritance from her parents.
Backstory, her parents were well off, and used to give us substantial cash Christmas gifts. Sometimes, we used the money to catch up on our mortgage. Sometimes it was used to help W buy things like photography equipment, our first exotic cat that was eventually used for her cat breeding business, etc. Her parents apparently no longer provide the Christmas gifts, and so W thinks that there will be little given when they eventually pass away (they are elderly and in poor health).
I tell W its probably not the best time to spend money on her divorce attorney, and she laughs and agrees. Having two households is draining both of us, and we have also heard from d18 who is in need of rent help. I am a veteran of dealing with financial stress, and for most of the years of our m, I protected W from having to deal with this kind of stuff. But now she has to deal with it on her own. I hate seeing this.
And yet this is what she wanted/wants. Everyone has to grow up sometime. Reality isn't always pretty and darn you might just have to roll up your sleeves and work rather than have a pitty party all the time. She likes to play the damsel in distress yet she needs to learn how to run her own castle. Tow very different realities.
I am sorry that you feel bad for her. She wants to have you live on even less than you do now. I hope you are teaching D18 how to fend for herself rather than have her think that you can always save her. Most people aren't in the 1%, most people do have to work hard to get where they are going. Some people just choose to believe that someone will always come save them.
You don't need to be her knight right now. She needs to figure this out on her own.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat and Jack, you pulled me back me from the edge. So one funny(?) comment from W, was that maybe she should become a prostitute to start paying for things. I suggested she not consider that idea.
I am so proud of d20, who lives with me (rent free, full-time student and 2 jobs). She is sending d18 some money to help with her rent. They are very close, but I love to see family come together during tough times.
Also, d18 just got hired at Starbucks. She needed her birth certificate and was grousing at me all weekend long, when I told her I couldn't find it - I have a file with all important paperwork for each child, but could not find d18's file. Then first thing this morning she texted me a picture of the birth certificate, and so I apparently gave d18 her file, and she just came across it. But this is good news for d18, and hopefully takes some of the pressure off of her shoulders.
