Vossy - if my H declines you're welcome to join me. I'll keep an eye out for the person with a big DB stamped on their forehead ;-) Re FB, that stat would be true in my experience. I didn't use FB much before either but have been since DB.
Lisa - yeah, I reckon I'm going to do it! It's funny what you say re him needing a friendly push. I came across a Valentine's Day card from a couple of years ago when I was packing up my old house. It said something to the effect of loving me because I teach him something new every day, but he only understands the lesson when he's looking back at the situation. The lesson of that day was around planning our future, something that I was trying to get us to do and some thing which he responded to by buying an assortment of goal setting tools. We never did get very far with them…which is interesting looking back.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
I'll echo what vossy said re FB. WAH is using it more, I'm using it more. In previous relationships I noticed my exes would suddenly join and friend all my relatives? WTF...
I just took a look at WAH's FB for the first time in months. Perhaps you should be happy that you aren't fb friends with your H, ganb8te. Snooping is no fun. Not much shocking on there surprisingly but he did post a photo of something he cooked that is my recipe I used to make specially for him! All his new little girlfriends "liked" it. I had to resist the urge to say something like "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, a$$hole"...
GOOD LUCK today and definitely keep us updated!!!!
Oh I don't know, Vossy. I think it would be pretty good if you interrupted our talk and were like "G? OMG last week was soooo fun we should totally do that again" and they we go on yapping about…IDK…sky diving or something ;-)
Lisa, great suggestion re the short list and I'll certainly have my ear to the ground for validation moments. I'm wearing jean shorts and a tank and looking all sparkly with sunscreen. All new of course because retail therapy has been part of the norm post-BD.
I've got my PMA on today and will rock some Scissor Sisters while I'm driving over to keep it that way. Thanks so much you guys for getting me to get my game on!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Well, I'm back from the talk on the hill. Nothing too interesting to report. Just showed off my PMA and caught up with what each other was up to. I rattled off a few things I've been up to outside of work and learned he's taking an art class (so am I). He said he was glad I got my promotion and acknowledged how hard I worked for it. I thanked him for his support along the way. He again said things are busy and stressful at work and added that morale is down because the company isn't doing well relative to their targets. He asked about a few practical things - like had I turned off the electricity at the old place (er…yes, H I took care of it). I reckon I saw him checking me out a couple of times. No R talk. He said it was nice to see me but he does't really have much to say. I sensed things were ending so said I was going to go before he had the chance to.
So a few milestones today: 1. H agreed to meet up for a spontaneous chat on a weekend. He's declined these invites the couple of times I've extended them since we separated - said he was busy but didn't offer an alternative date. I threw in a teaser this time ("I have some news") so perhaps that piqued his curiosity. 2. Made it through a whole interaction without R coming up. Previously he has brought it up when the conversation stalls. I think the difference today was because we met at the beach - when the conversation stalled it was easy to just look out at the ocean. 3. I ended it before he did!
Baby steps? Maybe…so hard to tell given that I probably won't interact with him again for another few weeks. I'll follow up with a "nice to see you" text tonight. Can anyone see any other opportunities that I'm missing? The work stress seems to be a recurring issue for him at the moment but I can't think of a way to work with that without stepping over the DB line….or rather the Martian line. By that I mean I know I shouldn't offer unsolicited advice to a man...though I did have a great conversation with my IC the other day about how to better deal with things at my work ;-)
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Ha ha. I was messing around with my FB last night. Updating photos, making some things public. I posted a photo of the view from my new digs and added a comment saying as such. Within moments a friend commented "Where are you guys living now?" Arrrghhh!!! Deleted everything and sent her an IM explaining the circumstances!
I am such a FB noob! At one point in this saga that would have stressed me out. Now I find it kinda funny.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Hey Ganb8te! Sounds like your meeting went well!!!! Good for you showing off your PMA and looking hot while doing so. I think this was the PERFECT way to meet. At the beach, relaxed, no R talk, you ending it first. Basically you are able to show him what he is missing. Maybe he had nothing dramatic to say about it now but you never know what might happen next.
I mean he could have gone home and said to himself, wow, that Ganb8te looked damn fine today and she seems like she is doing well. Then tomorrow he thinks wow, hmmm, that Ganb8te, she looked good! Then the next day he goes to his art class and he thinks hey, I wonder what Ganb8te is working on in her art class?
Basically every positive interaction sets up the opportunity for another. If you can have a good, relaxed interaction there is more possibility for another one.
