GB Hopes 10 is a Win #10

[ericmsant2]

GB

Ya know I always enjoy reading your thread. You crack me up sometime.

GB - forum section of Cosmo magazine

Great title of your next thread.

I'm not crazy-I am however very hormonal.

A women hormonal? Nah….. 

I know I have stuff to work through and I think I'm just tired.

I totally get the feeling of exhaustion…. Maybe GB it is time for you to just sit back and chillax a bit. Take stuff one day at a time.

He asked me last night what I wanted from him and well, I was honest.

So what was the answer? Was it….

he's hot and I want to rip his clothes off

Or

Something along the lines of “I just want to have fun”?

What was his response?

It's not compromising my morals-perhaps just no longer shoving stuff down.

This ^^^^ is probably why…

I am doing things that make me feel uncomfortable yet don't compromise my beliefs. At least, that's what I'm experimenting with at this time. I am rarely physically attracted to people. I'm not kidding. I think 3 in my life so this is ...... unusual.

You feel this ^^^^

GB you are on a journey to find who the REAL GB is… (at least that is my opinion)…..

Nothing should be excluded as an option.

At the end of the day, IMO, a roll in the hay…..with the understanding of where you are in your life….is not a bad thing. I am not suggesting that you “just do it” (excuse me Nikey…)…. I am saying that exploring yourself is a process and you need to just keep doing it. Chance are it will not feel comfortable – change never does. I would only caution you to be careful, to factor where you are in your life in your decision.

TRUST yourself GB……

Hormonal or NOT….Trust your inner women...

Have a great weekend!

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Eric. What did I say? Honestly? I said I want to have fun and yes I do want to rip your clothes off. Probably shouldn't have said that. Think I scared the poor guy off. I can manage to scare a guy off by just wanting to have fun. Oh well. For those of you reading along, don't follow my lead. Live and learn.

I'm probably not good dating material right now. I would like to have a little fun although I struggle with finding someone to have fun with. I don't know. Maybe one day.

All 3 kids are here and off the hook. Going to watch football with a friend tomorrow. Going for a run and doing some closet organization. Maybe go ahead and pack for my trip.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

[Mighty]

GB,

First let me say that I'm happy for you that you're even in this current situation!

I too have been without any physical affection for YEARS. Not kissed, caressed, cuddled with, or spooned with. Forget anything else.

If I didn't get hugs from friends, wonderful dances, sloppy kisses from the dogs and love from the farm animals, I'm not sure I'd be in such a good place right now.

So--heck YEAH!!!
Why not enjoy the attention and milk it for what it can do for your soul?

Young, hot guy. Sexy contact. What's not to like?

---(G)GGG

Yes, GGG... I know. I am one who thrives from physical touch... even on the shoulder or something simple. I miss it....

GB:

"Geeez, he's hot and I want to rip his clothes off." I am terribly sorry if that is TMI or offends anyone although I'm just being honest.

I get it. You aren't offending anyone (at least me), it's your feelings and, as far as I'm concerned, totally normal.

Going through this, I feel like you get a much clearer perspective of things. I see how some people jump into a r. But if you don't, you have a better view, you realize that it is getting off the exit too soon.

However, for me, I feel like I just want to try a different lifestyle. Period. For me. Not in a r, but experiencing different things. I feel so differently about life.

Last week, I was at my older brother's house at the table with him, his wife and my 67-year-old mother. My mom was raised in a Catholic school (and college!- just to give you perspective). I actually told them that I had no intention of getting into a r, but I just need to get laid! Ha! Can you believe I said that to them! And I had no shame in my game! I have always been the *outspoken* one in my family, but I wouldn't have said that. And really, they didn't seem surprised. Honestly, the seemed more to agree.

Go for whatever, girl. And don't feel bad about it. It's about finding ourselves and enjoying experiences. How are we going to do that if we don't try?

Let me be clear that I'm not out doing anything at this point. But, lets just say, as nervous as I am, and the fact that I don't know what the heck I'm doing, I have an open mind to life's experiences.

And, I like that you are paving the way. I am watching closely for when I get to that point. I will keep you posted.

[Shining]

Hey, GB!

GB thinks-" roll up, it's a hold up. Do not jump across the table!!!"

If the images in my mind could be put on film.... Dying.

Hope you had a great football day!

Anymore chatting with HG? (In my head, he looks like one of the property brothers...doesn't matter which. Vicariously, I'm fantasizing because, well, I have to.)

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Mighty and Shining. Shout out to the fellow cool nerds!!!

I was struck by something on SS's thread and that Eric keeps asking me who I really want to be. I've been thinking about that a great deal so I'm gonna give this a stab.

I'm a 42 year old mother of 3 who never dreamed she would love being a parent so much. I hate seeing my children hurt. Some days I want to scream and cry because I see how insecure they are and it kills me. I feel so anxious watching my daughter. The rest of the world sees me as very outgoing, smart and able to negotiate multimillion dollar contracts. I still see this very shy girl who struggles so much with her body image. Although my ED is under control, it is always part of me. I was a precocious kid-started reading at 3 and always was a "good girl." I crave attention and affection. But I cannot accept it. It has been an issue in every R I've had. Even friends. They chase, pursue, and desperately try to get my attention, and I have no idea what to. By the time they give up , I'm so hurt because they no longer want me. And yet I know why. I am fiercely I dependent yet I really would like a little help. Some days I feel lost because I feeling I've lost my family. My brother is on a transplant list, my dad is gone, and I don't have a strong R with my mother. I really have tried on that one. I adore x ILs and I'm afraid I'll lose them too. I know death is part of life.

So here I am alone and yet I've always felt alone. I don't want to. I want real intimacy with someone. I want to accept attention, affection, and physical contact and enjoy it. Do I think I can trust again? I do think I can however I want more for once. But I also realize I have to be vulnerable and give. How do I do that? Isnt that interesting? I don't know if I've ever been truly vulnerable. This time is probably the most vulnerable I've ever been. I don't know. I want to be able to accept compliments. I give them-I can't accept them. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I do like me. I know that I'm overall a good person and I just want to truly connect with someone at some point. In a way I never have.

Sorry for the ramble. Hope everyone is well.

[Maybell]

GB, you sound a lot like me, except I don't have an ED.

I have found that WRT accepting compliments, etc., you just start saying yes to everything. Yes, I'm beautiful. Yes, I deserve this compliment, thank you. I'm not comfortable with accepting this attention but yes, I'll accept it and see what happens. You fake it till it's real.

[ericmsant2]

GB

I said I want to have fun and yes I do want to rip your clothes off. Probably shouldn't have said that.

“Probably shouldn’t have” – why do say this? Why not just be GB – the GB you want to be. He will accept it or he will not.

I'm probably not good dating material right now.

What is good dating material to YOU? Define it? And then explain WHY.

that Eric keeps asking me who I really want to be. I've been thinking about that a great deal so I'm gonna give this a stab.

Hey….I’m Rican….the use of the word “stab” bring back images of when I carried a knife in my sock. LOL. Just kidding…that was my attempt at humor.

GB, I am gonna pick apart your post…before I do that though I want to share something with you.

I struggle with abandonment issues – BIG TIME. I still do today. About the only difference between the old me and the new me…is that I acknowledge the issue, can see it for what it is and I have learned how to DEAL with it. Yep…I said deal with it. IMO, issues like abandonment do not “go away” – nope. You must learn how to deal with them….and call them what they are – ISSUES that YOU will NEED to learn how to deal with.

The abandonment issues, caused other issues – LACK OF TRUST, which in terms resulted in other issues namely “CONTROL”. If you have every ready all of my threads…you’ll understand why I have these issues.

Anywhooo…getting back to my point of learning to live/deal with them, I’ll share with you a story that happened about a year ago. My fiancé asked me one day out of the blue (I think she was going out with her girlfriends and was going to be home late)…..she asked…”Eric my latin lover (okay I added the latin lover part)…how after everything that you have been through do you trust me? I mean, you have been abandoned, you have been cheated on, your ex still f*cks with you every chance she get….how can you really trust me? I ponder how to answer the question and decided to do what I usually do – JUST BE ME. So I answered…..my hot blond haired goddess (okay I added that too)….actually, I do NOT “just” TRUST YOU but not for the reasons that you think. I do not trust you blindly. Once again NOT for the reasons that you may think. Bottom line – I do not trust easly…because of MY OWN Issues. I was abandoned – that was NOT YOUR fault. I was cheated on – that was NOT YOUR fault. You know honey how I’ve said to you…..that everyone has things that they need to address…that they need to “work on”…that the work never really stops per se. She responded yes…I know you say that and I know that is what happens a lot on the boards. I smiled and then went on….well honey….my abandonment issues are NOT YOUR fault and therefore YOU should not have to deal with them, you should not have to feel “untrustworthy” because of MY issues. So every day...or every time…MY demons…try to come up and say….”you shouldn’t trust her”….”she may cheat on you”….”she may leave you”….every time those bastar*s surface….I WORK hard to KILL them and remind myself of a few things. One – These are MY issues – not YOUR. You have done nothing to warrant me not trusting you. Two – I acknowledge that I feel this way and then take a step back and DEAL with it like a man. Three – I can only control myself. I have no doubt that you love me and I know that I love you. I love our R, our communication and so guess what…..I am trying to say….is I work on it every day – no different than the work I do everyday…to be the best man I can be…cause that I can CONTROL.

She smiled, hugged me and before she left…ummm…..I better leave that part out.

My point GB….is everyone has issues. EVERYONE. YOU really can decide HOW YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM. You can let them control you, you can give yourself all the excuses you need to never have to deal with them OR YOU can CHOOSE to face them….and become what YOU really want to be.

Me – I choose to be ME. To ACCEPT who I am. To really fall in love with me (not in a selfish way). I choose to live my life, no longer wearing any masks. FTR, you may be thinking yeah…yeah…yeah….trust me…what you see is what you get with me. I wish this same gift to YOU……

I wish GB…that the really GB comes out. Not afraid…nope…that she comes out and loves herself – issues and all – she just loves herself..

Now on to your post……

I'm a 42 year old mother of 3

You may not be able to see it….but you are SO much more than a mom of three. And 42 is young. You have a whole life ahead of you.

who never dreamed she would love being a parent so much. I hate seeing my children hurt.

Yeah.. it really is cool being a parent - sometimes (I have a 13 year old daughter…oy vey). Your kids, my kids, everyones kids will hurt at somepoint and it [censored] to watch. What is worse though….is trying to fix everything for them. Teaching them about LIFE, about consequences of their actions….that is being a parent. Teach them love but love them enough to let them fail sometimes.

Some days I want to scream and cry because I see how insecure they are and it kills me.

IMO, you can hope all you want – children will become who they see and surround themselves with. I personally believe that no matter what you do, our kids, will have some baggage to deal with. Showing them how to deal with it, giving them the right tools – is the best you can do. They are after all, their own people….just like YOU GB. Your kids may choose different paths, a different life – that is their god given right – just like it is YOURS. Do the best you can and then…..trust that they will become who they choose to become.

I feel so anxious watching my daughter.

Stop looking so much at her…and stay focused on YOUR actions. For it is YOUR actions that will have the biggest impact.

The rest of the world sees me as very outgoing, smart and able to negotiate multimillion dollar contracts. I still see this very shy girl who struggles so much with her body image.

My mother did not make me feel smart. My mother made me feel like I did not need or should not expect love. That was the way my mother lived her life. It is sad. I have totally forgiven her. The image you have of yourself is probably based more on how YOU felt your MOM viewed you. Guess what GB, your mother was wrong. Period. Guess what GB….all you need to do is to choose to change that, choose to look at yourself in a different mirror – the one YOU yourself will hold up and define.

Sooooo what does that take? I can see you now…”who the heck does this Rican think he is…. Okay deal Eric…tell me how do I change this…..”

Step one – Face your fear. Yep, face the fear you have of YOURSELF. Face the fear YOU have to be YOU. Not the YOU I want you to be, nope the YOU…that YOU want to be.

Step two – Look yourself in the mirror….right in your eye and make yourself a promise. Not for your kids, not to shut me up, not to get your ex back, not to sleep with mr hot bod…no… the promise is to yourself. The promise is…to live your life as authentically as YOU can. To never lie, to your self. To be gentle on yourself. To accept that God is the only thing that is perfect.

Step three – Relax. Yep…you have a lot on your plate. Step back for a bit…and just chill. Enjoy the little things in life.

I have a few more steps…let me know when you are ready.

I crave attention and affection. But I cannot accept it

You CAN Accept it. YOU Choose NOT to. I think I understand why? What is easier….staying nice and warm in the comfortable blanket that is the life you think you need to live OR saying F it and starting to view things different? You can accept it. Next you’ll say….”I don’t know how”. Ummm….. you learned how to read at 3, you found a way to negotiate multimillion dollar contracts….I think you can figure out a way to accept attention and affection. Psst…here is a hint…..stop being scared of YOUR own success! Stop being scared to be YOU. Stop being scared to say “I need help”…stop being scared to say to some hot guy…”dude, let’s get it on”….stop being scared!

It has been an issue in every R I've had. Even friends. They chase, pursue, and desperately try to get my attention, and I have no idea what to. By the time they give up , I'm so hurt because they no longer want me. And yet I know why. I am fiercely I dependent yet I really would like a little help.

First it does not have to be an issue going forward….just change it! Fiercely independent…means what to you? What exactly is it that you would like from your friends? Really be specific. Do you want them to understand you? Have you thought that maybe some of these friends are actually not the kind of people that you really need in your life? Here is another question for you to chew on…..what does being a friend look like to YOU. Describe it in detail.

Some days I feel lost because I feeling I've lost my family. My brother is on a transplant list, my dad is gone, and I don't have a strong R with my mother. I really have tried on that one. I adore x ILs and I'm afraid I'll lose them too. I know death is part of life.

Hey GB….do you control me? Can you make my ex il’s reach out to me? Can you convince my XW to be nice and to co parent with me? I think you know where I am going with this……. You can only control you.

So…how does that help? IMO, be grateful for what you have and what you had. Sometime people are in your life for a season, sometimes for many seasons…You actually have very little control over this. Accept that.

I have more to write…I gotta run to a meeting…..


Please GB….learn to be YOURSELF…if nothing else. Learn to BE YOU and LOVE YOU.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Maybell. It's a process isn't it? Eric, I know you are engaged but "I LOVE YOU!!!" Tell your fiancé a hippie chick in the south thinks you are the prize in the piñata:-)

You are right. I can accept love. I've just chosen not to. Maybe I don't always think I'm loveable? I'm not sure. I desperately want to be authentic and to live a genuine life. In many ways, I feel like I have come so far and I know I still have work to do.

I just realized why something has been bothering me. I know I sound like a crazed 15 yr old teen at an R5 concert, but something has been bothering me and I think I've figured out what it is. HG has been behaving very strange. It's obvious since my declaration. Back up real quick. HG told me he had been in love twice and was cheated on both times. One story the gf took his dog and left a note that she had an abortion and it was his baby. I told him that sukked. At dinner he kept saying "if we were in a R" and he said the fact that I have 3 kids didn't matter to him at all. When I said I wanted to tear his clothes off (wtf do I say sometimes???) he said "is that what you want from me?" I think he's no longer interested or miffed that I didn't say I want a R? Do men bring up "if we were in a R 3 times" on a first date normally? He had been watching me for months and good lord I sound like some skeezy ho??? Ack! I actually like him and think he's funny and realized this turned sideways after this chat. Grrrrr. I actually like the guy and I feel ridiculous now. I've been eyeing him for months and I think I f'ed up after a whole week of chatting. Do I apologize? I hate that I'm attracted to him and like him.

Eric, you are so right. I can't relax about anything. Seriously, even looking at the dog makes me think "Mr. Fluffers needs a bath " and it sure as hades doesn't bother him. I feel like a giant freaking ball of anxiety!!!!

Grrrrr. Boy Scout party was tonight. Too bad the slushies weren't spiked with alcohol.

[T384]

GB ,


I don't have much or any advice to offer but i just wanted you know I still am trying to keep up with your life. I still think you are a very strong wonderful mom

Maybe a rewind/do-over with HG? Anyway to just take a chill pill and let him lead the way? Who knows what will come of it but maybe just go out and have a good time without expectations - we all know about having no expectations around here lol

[Matt165]

Chillax as they say Georgia!
I really believe you may be a bit "over thinking" this one. Sounds to me like this guy was nervous because the woman he has been "lusting after" for months agreed to go out with him. Not only that he is probably kicking himself for saying "if we were in a R..." 3 times! Try to remember back when you were dating, how hard it was just getting to know someone, not saying the wrong thing by mistake, etc. I'm willing to bet he is just as insecure about what YOU thought of HIM as you are what he thought of you! Just be yourself and stop thinking about what did or didn't happen last time. In fact if I were you, next time I saw him I would make it a point to be friendly and happy to see him! He's probably thinking you are so freaked out by him that you were scared away!