I have had to be careful about allowing more than I'm comfortable with lately. It's been hard as I know she needs to find her place in her new life around so many new people and she does need the freedom to do that. At the same time, she also needs to understand that things are different and whether she likes it or not, she needs to adjust somewhat.
One suggestion…..VERY CLEAR BOUNDARIES…for example – you may want to tell your D that on X days….she should NOT make plans – those days are days she is supposed to be with you. The more you give in….the more she will take. It is a very difficult balance to find. I think having learned this from D19, you’ll do just fine.
Originally Posted By: posted by the guy with balls the size of coconuts
It's time to take YOUR LIFE back, and the only way is to stop with the excuses and take action, be bold, have balls the size of coconuts, whatever it takes to get income coming in...
Because F**k That....
Great advice up there ^^^ by “Mr. T”.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Geez T2, Not an excuse if you look at my previous post as I stated that I expanded my search even though it will mean not being able to have D14 with me during the week. I also stated that I HAVE been sending to places where they have just plain stupid "must have 5 years experience in wiget use and a Master's in Widgit Engineering...". Hell, I've applied for $12.00 an hour "Entry Level" jobs! In just the last week, while having a 103 fever, I sent 11 new resumes and cover letters so I'm not making excuses...just the opposite. Don't mind 2x4 when deserved, just not the case. I also am certain that my W can use this against me and that is why I'm NOT ruling anything out! Now if I was sitting around crying poor me that would be different. If I let it take my focus off doing what's best no matter what's going on in my life, for my D14, that would be different. I'll let you know when I curl up in a ball and start giving up!
I am REALLY worried about your financial sitch and the D and custody..... why?
Because in my D, W cannot provide properly right now for having 2 teenagers. She has a room in a house, nowhere for them to sleep like a shared bedroom. She makes under $10 and hour, has no internet, etc.
Guess who is getting full custody to start with, until she does?
Me.
Thing is, I am a man of my word, and stable, non-vindictive...so when she CAN, consistently,provide the basics, the custody can be modified. I am writing that into the decree.
Your W? I wouldn't bet on it right now...
I want a fire under you because of that ^^^...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
In the area of employment, I think I can be of assistance to you. A coupla questions, 'k?
-What field do you work in? -What positions have you held over the years? -What particular skills do you possess? -What were your duties & responsibilities?
Please give as much detail as you can so we all can assist you with suggestions and ideas.
Have you considered some consulting gigs? It may help get you in the door. Just a thought.
Chin up dude.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm back! Finally was able to get to an Internet connection that works.
So Wonka, here is the answer and I really hope you can help! I'm in sales. I started my professional life in the sciences working in Health Physics (radiation protection) at a nuclear power plant in PA. When I moved to TX, I needed to find work and got into sales. I started in car sales 19 years ago and worked my way up to sales manager. I then moved to oil and NG sales 14 years ago. I worked for operators who drill oil and gas wells in TX and LA. My job was to bring in accredited (net worth over $1,000,000) investors in the well projects. This was done 99% over the phone. For the last 10 years I have been a VP at 3 different firms, for the last 2 years a new startup operating company. My duties included nearly everything from choosing and implementing sales software, hiring and training support staff, hiring and training sales staff, running sales meetings, writing and putting together sales prospectus' all while prospecting and bringing in new investors.
Because of my technical background I'm very good at learning the in and outs of processes and products. I'm very good at relating highly technical concepts in an easy to understand way. I'm very good at selling high cost intangibles. It's not easy calling someone up and asking for $100,000 for something they can't see or touch. I would say my best quality is my ability to form relationships with my investors. Whether they were making great returns or were in "dry holes", I always maintained good relations with every one of my clients.
Let me know if you need anymore info. I really appreciate any help you can give me, more than you know. So far the only responses I have had are from Life insurance companies and 100% commision MLM's!
So, now that I had a chance to answer Wonka, some things have been happening on my M sitch over the last week.
Saturday was my W's birthday. On Friday I picked my D14 up from school after she texted asking for a ride home. I decided to give my W a birthday card since that is what I would do for a "friend" and I felt like I should. I found a really good card that had the Buddha that gave (funny) advice when you pushed a button. On the inside it said something about "finding enlightenment" on your birthday, something she actually could really benefit doing! So I signed it from myself and the one dog that stayed with me when she left. Nothing "mussy" or anything. I left it for her when I dropped off my D14 Friday. Also that afternoon I texted her when I saw a really good deal on something at the grocery that I knew she needed. She texted back that she would be sure to get it and thanked me.
On Saturday morning I got a text from my W. It said "Thanks for the card! Very funny. It was thoughtful of you to think of me :)". I texted back "You will always be important and cared for by me. Have a great birthday!". I'm not sure if that was a good response but sent it without really thinking about it.
Since, she has texted me several times. It's been about things she needed like asking me to bring some Halloween stuff that's stored at my place when I picked up D14 and some questions about help she needed putting together a project with D14 for school but the tone of the texts has been nicer and in the past I don't think she would have even texted about the project. She has avoided asking for almost anything, especially help with anything. I don't think this is some great event or huge change in her attitude about our M or anything like that but I'm hoping that maybe she will at least start to be more able to have at least a decent co-parenting type relationship moving forward. I'm starting to think that she thinks that I'm "angry" at her and that is why I've gone "dark". I've noticed that when things have come up with D14 she seems to think that I'm upset with her when I'm not. Very defensive I guess is what I'm seeing.
Right now I don't have much time to think about my M as I'm trying to just remain afloat and not lose everything! Just wondered if I did and said the right thing. Not that it matters much now as it already has been said and done. Maybe for future reference.
Thanks everyone and it's good to be back. I'll be getting in touch with everyone when I have some time!
I'm glad you are up and running. I do hope things turn around on the career front soon -I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
In regards to your response to your W about her acknowledging her day, I think it was authentic and you. And while I know DBing is about making changes that make you a better person, I don't think you should ever try to change things that are genuine and good. It doesn't sound like there are any expectations associated with it either so I say focus on getting yourself in a better financial sitch. That's important. We are all cheering for you!!!:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
