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edz Offline OP
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Of course she seems pretty resolute about me not being an option, well at least when dealing with me. Not that I should believe that, still doesn't buoy your self worth though or how you feel, don't show it to her but I still feel completely rejected after 15 years.

I know, get on with it Ed, get on with it...


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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edz Offline OP
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Another interminably long evening tonight.

Taking S out to his card event tomorrow so that will at least keep me occupied. Not sure I'm ever going to get used to feeling like this.

GAL ramped up again, after work today went for a walk, took a swim did some shopping cooked dinner and did some work on my gaming pc but once the pc was done didnt feel like playing it.

Tried reading but couldnt take it in (normally a voracious reader so this is not good). Of course I know why its so bad today, 3 months since W walked away..


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Well, as the man said, time for bed, hope tomorrow is a brighter day in weather and spirit.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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And no, no it isnt on either front...

Bucketing down again, at least I'm seeing S tonight, that's what's getting me through today.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
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Its the UK....It always rains.

It will be a better day, your seeing your S today.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Sep 2014
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Its a bit cheesy but I cobbled together a few quotes into a short text which I printed and read a couple of times a day. It helps me focus on the fact that if I expect a bad day then it almost certainly will be but that the reverse is also true.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Hi Edz - that's a good way to think about good/bad days. I have also found that a good day tends to follow a bad. Normally as I feel so desperate on a bad day that I get on this forum, or re-read books to get myself into a 'better' place - and so the following day tends to be so much better. And I appreciate feeling better in contrast to the awful day before etc.

I also just try and look a few days ahead - and anything further than that will be worried about at some future point in time!!


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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edz Offline OP
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Thanks all.

Yes Ive noticed the ping pong of good and bad days recently. Just too much at the moment, moving, work, was ill, W is being awkward on moving her credit card off the main account and I cant afford to keep paying it and just feeling so flippin' alone. Doesnt seem to make any odds being out with people either even plastering the PMA / Shiny happy people face on still feel hollow, fake it till I make it I suppose.

Anyway, as I say seeing a small happy 9 year old tonight even if its really only glorified chauffeuring I happen to really like the passenger.

Still plowing through the landlord check documentation and rigmarole not sure how complex it is in the US but here (like everytghing else) its a pain in the wotsit and expensive (£245 in fees so far)

I keep telling myself it will reach a point where Im back and stable and possibly happy but right now Im finding it very difficult to belive and impossible to visualise.

What a negative nelly I am at the moment!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
Its alright I'm having a bad couple of days but then I had some really good ones at the start of the week.

The important thing is that you focus on what is good. Or if that doesn't work how about answering the question of what would you have wanted different in your marriage?

I read somewhere that getting angry (not resentful) can help with melancholy. I took mine out on a squash court and felt better for it.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Yes I take it out on the water in the swimming pool. Helps to exhaust me so I at least sleep.

Different in my marriage, I tried that at the begining when I first started counselling. I can see what could have been different, indeed I can see what happened to cause a lot of the issues but Im worried if I dwell on that too much I wont move on. Will be useful if W ever wants to move forward or, alternately, if she ends it and I eventually at some point find myself in a new R but right now it just makes me feel Sad on what could have been really.

I know its something that's normal to go through, tell myself that, look at the posts here and Im thankful that although my sitch often feels batchit insane and my Ws actions change minute by minute in comparison I'm not dealing with worse. But then I realise Im still on my own, no S, no W and still feel low and sorry for myself then I just get angry with myself for being selfish and lazy!

As I said, negative nelly or what!

Last edited by edz; 10/24/14 12:20 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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