Friend or Friendly?

[Wonka]

Tad,

It doesn't have to be an all or nothing proposition. She seems like a person that you would be just friends with...right? You've got to start re-building your social circle and this is a good place to start. What do you think?

[tadpole1025]

Agreed. I will still be friends with her because she is super cool and would still make an awesome friend.

But.....

I need to find a place (besides work and local bars) that I can meet people at.

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Just journaling:

I'm doing better except for a few things that still bug me like:

1) I don't believe XW feels that she did anything wrong.
2) She is in la-la-land and I'm still just "here."
3) Starting to get lonely. I want someone to share things with and do things with.
4) Holidays always seem to bring me down. Wish they were over already.
5) Wish I could quit letting her get inside my head.
6) Starting to feel like I may be alone for the rest of my life.
7) My confidence is shot.
8) My boys are all I have. I need adult company. (Even though boys are now.)

Just have felt blah today.

Thanksgiving plans are being made. The boys and I were invited to my aunt's house. (Mom's sister) Two of them are going with me, one will be with XW and one is undecided.

I HATE the fact that my family is split over holidays.

XW and I were both children of divorce. When XW and I were together, we promised ourselves that we would NEVER do this to our kids. Well......here we are.

Tad

[Kimmerz]

Congratulations Tad!

Believe it or not the frustration and loneliness you're feeling is progress! You're getting there! You're at that point where DAMN IT, THIS JUST ISN'T FAIR! I NEED BETTER THINGS FOR ME!

Then comes the desire to start reaching for it because you truly want it, not because you're forced to do it in one way or another. I know I was so pissed off for the first 3 years that my family had to be divided because of Captain MLc's choices. I was mad because yes, me and my Ex too strived to give our kids what we didn't have, yet what the hell happened? Exactly what we originally didn't want to do!

Sometimes I back slide too Tad! Like Right now, Im really annoyed at the financial inconvenience of divorce! I've got bills to pay, food to put on the table and D12's b day on Thanksgiving Day. I really hate I don't have a partner to help out with finances and to join me in the joy of shopping.

That is annoying me. And it's annoying me because Ex is in la la land, and Im here fighting the dragons of real life while he's on his insane magic carpet ride of identity crisis. He still gets inside my head, but only for a short time! My confidence was shot to hell for the longest time. But slowly but surely it began to get built up again. And my girls and my aunt are all I have. My aunt I haven't seen in 16 years though we talk often. My girls, like your boys are my world,

Im really happy that you can go to your aunt's house for thanksgiving. Me being the outcast due to divorce, I won't ever be able to attend another family thanksgiving or christmas.

Hang in there TAd.... you're gonna make there guy! You will!

[tadpole1025]

Thanks for checking in Kimmerz!

Believe it or not the frustration and loneliness you're feeling is progress! You're getting there! You're at that point where DAMN IT, THIS JUST ISN'T FAIR! I NEED BETTER THINGS FOR ME!

Yes, I do need and want better things for me. And, it isn't fair, but not sure if it is progress. It doesn't really feel that way.

Tad

[Kimmerz]

Awww... I know it sure doesn't feel that way. I think we're pretty damn hard on ourselves about what progress really is compared to what we THINK it should be. And remember it's a lot of two steps forward 3 steps back.

Are you dating anyone? Are you interested in dating? Believe it or not getting back in the game (once you truly are ready) really helps you heal even more.

For me it helped validate that I truly am not the succubus woman that MLCER Ex made me out to be!

[tadpole1025]

Are you dating anyone? Are you interested in dating? Believe it or not getting back in the game (once you truly are ready) really helps you heal even more.

Funny that you should ask.....

There is a girl at my work that I'm very interested in. We have tons in common and she is the sweetest little thing. We have amazing conversations. The amount that we have in common is almost scary. Of all the women that I have "dated" or been sort of interested in, I actually feel something for her. I felt absolutely nothing for the others and wondered if I would ever be able to feel anything ever again until I met this one. She is kind of nerdy and introverted, but not so much when I'm around. She even mentioned that she was happy that my schedule was changing so she "could see me three nights a week instead of two." I was pretty sure she liked me too until last week. I mean, I could tell just by body language. (I've studied a little about body language.) She would even hang around for a little bit after she got off work to talk to me. I've watched how she acts around other guys and it is totally different and distant compared to how she talks to me.

But.......

Last week, when I asked her a "hypothetical" question about dating co-workers, she said that she doesn't. She likes to keep those separate. So.....shot down.

I really like her too.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm an ugly duckling or maybe something is wrong with me. I know I'm not the best looking guy around, but I have a dazzling personality. I've even had guys compliment me on my personality. (Guess that's why I was on the radio for more than two decades.) But...I guess that doesn't matter.

Boo.

Tad

[Kimmerz]

Tad,

WEll that's a mixed message and a half from this girl! Sounds like you really do have a connection and that she is interested for sure!

Not dating co workers is a smart idea because in the event things go wrong, boy that's going to suck having to be around each other. But......

You know I'd do? I'd ask her out anyway! Do it! I don't know where you work Tad, but if things work out, I guess one of you could request a transfer to a different department???

And you say you don't feel like you're making progress......
LOL, Tad you most definitely are. You are genuinely interested in someone else! Yay!!

That's how it happened to me. I had several men I spoke with, even a friend tried to set me up with someone, and it just wasn't happening. I had decided that It wasn't meant for me to find a new interest and partner and that I may as well go live in the hills of Tibet with the monks. Then I met someone, and boy howdy it was exactly as you've described as it is with this girl you work with.

You are not an ugly ducking..... I've seen your picture!Not an ugly duckling at all! There is nothing wrong with you!

Remember Tad, we're starting all over again. We got used to being married and with the same person. Now we're starting all over.... and it's not easy!

So Mr. Dazzle pants, get to dazzling this lovely woman and see what happens!

[tadpole1025]

Kimmerz, thank you for the very nice words.

WEll that's a mixed message and a half from this girl! Sounds like you really do have a connection and that she is interested for sure!

Yes, lots of mixed messages. She's also said numerous times how I make the time "go by so fast." So, she obviously enjoys being around me.

I'd ask her out anyway! Do it! I don't know where you work Tad, but if things work out, I guess one of you could request a transfer to a different department???

Kind of afraid of that. I may, but I'll wait awhile. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or scare her away. As for a transfer, I guess one of us could but we only see each other a few nights a week for just 2 hours at a time anyway. Our shifts overlap. When I start work, she gets off two hours later.

She obviously enjoys my personality and company/conversations. I mean, I wouldn't have even asked her the "hypothetical" question if I wasn't sure. I just don't get it. Unless, I'm just so darn ugly or I'm wondering if she has been hurt really bad in the past. She is 35 and has never been married. She told me she is waiting for the perfect one. I will lay low for a few weeks. Like I said, I don't want to make her uncomfortable. But...I sure do enjoy our time together. She obviously does too.

Tad

[AJM]

Nice. Tad's interested in somebody

I also like this:

1) I don't believe XW feels that she did anything wrong.
2) She is in la-la-land and I'm still just "here."
3) Starting to get lonely. I want someone to share things with and do things with.
4) Holidays always seem to bring me down. Wish they were over already.
5) Wish I could quit letting her get inside my head.
6) Starting to feel like I may be alone for the rest of my life.
7) My confidence is shot.
8) My boys are all I have. I need adult company. (Even though boys are now.)

Know why? Because you're able to articulate it. It seems like just yesterday when you came here, Tad. And you could articulate anything at all

Something to consider - fairness. What's that mean and why do you get to judge what it is when you don't know everything?

How is the job going, Tad? Seems like you really like it. Is that the case?

How is everything else going? Financially? Personally?

The holidays can be rough. I recently lost my father (we were close) and the remainder of family is in California. I am fortunate to have a lot of great friends in this area. It means a lot to me. But I don't view the holidays as a time to get down. I view it as a time to remember. I remember many things at this time of year. Very warm and positive memories.

I do think that it's good that you're feeling lonely, Tad. That can be a great motivator for you to change.

AJ