Had an interesting conversation with S28 yesterday. He informed me that XW always asks questions about me and gets really ticked if he doesn't answer her. He said that she gets really upset over the smallest things. He told me that she is not getting along with her "stepson" and that "stepson" is always complaining about her drinking. I'm convinced that she is an alcoholic and hearing this makes me more convinced. S28 says that XW only talks about me when not around OM. Of course, this doesn't surprise me because I suspect that he has been lied to more than me.
Tad, Tad, Tad .....
How many times have we told you to stop trying to figure her out? You really should consider not having these kind of conversations with your sons.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
How many times have we told you to stop trying to figure her out?
Not really trying to figure her out man. I KNOW she's nuts.
Quote:
You are doing so well with your progress and growth.
I thought so too until this week. See below:
Blathering....
I feel like I am ten years old again. When I was ten, the dog that we had since I was baby died. I cried and cried, but tried to hide it because my stepdad kept calling me a p*ssy for crying over a dog. I never let myself get close to another animal until I got my two little rat girls. Now that one of them is sick, I've had a pretty rough week. Maybe I really am a p*ssy....My counselor told me a few weeks back that maybe I have PTSD. Maybe I do. I don't know. I mean, is it normal for a grown man to be this upset about a rat???
The sad thing is, I've known that this was going to happen someday and have tried to prepare myself for it. I guess I didn't prepare enough.
I started her on antiobiotics last night and with the exception of a really bad episode this afternoon, she is doing a little better. Thought about having her put to sleep this afternoon, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
I know this is a divorce/marriage board and maybe I shouldn't be posting this stuff here, but I really have no other outlet.
I'm just so tired of all the loss/death. Seems like that is all my life has been....especially the last few years.
Yesterday was 4 years since XW left.
My grandmother used to tell me that I was the most sentimental person that she ever knew. I used to think that maybe that was a good thing, but now I'm not so sure.
I feel pretty pathetic and sad.
Sorry for the rant.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Having those emotions tells you that you're alive and that your heart's open. A closed heart is a dark person. You are shining with a lot of Light and Love. That's a wonderful trait to have.
Yeah, it is not easy to lose our furbabies. I had to put two of my dogs to sleep at separate occasions and I was devastated for a while. Now, I look back on them with fondness and have nothing but positive memories of them.
No Tad its not a weakness, you're NOT pathetic nor sad (in the way you mean people perceive you)
And this is just fine as a place to get the support you need.
I too am sorry for the difficulties your pet and you are going through.
Now the wife info from the son.
Stop it. Stop it, it hampers you. Ask you son to stop supplying this type of info about her and if your asking for it, be the one to stop. You don't stop thinking about a person over night, you do it with practice and time. You will not quit smoking if you keep grabbing a cigarette when offered or you ask for one.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Went to put my little girl in a box to take her to get put to sleep today. She jumped out, grabbed a hold of my arm and hopped right up on my shoulder. She then started "chattering" and "bruxing" like rats do when they are happy and content. So....she is still here with me. I've been feeding her yogurt and Ensure and she seems to have perked up a bit. Man, I was a mess earlier. These little rats are actually my best friends.
Will probably never own anymore pets after these are gone. I get so attached and as I've mentioned before, my whole attitude towards animals has strangely changed since the whole MLC mess. I can't really explain it. I was never much of an animal person before all of this. Now, I have nothing but compassion for them....even animals that I never liked...like rats. I used to be disgusted by them.
It's funny how an event can change somebody. I grew up around guns. My grandfather was a sniper in the Army and since he and my grandmother raised me for a lot of my childhood, I learned to hunt and fish and would go with him all of the time. Thanks to my grandfather, I used to be an excellent shot and could hit just about anything running or flying. I feel terrible for the animals that I killed when I was young. I'll never hunt or fish again. Like I said, it's weird. I know.
XW moved out on my son's 16th birthday weekend. That son turned 20 today. Yeah, 20. Four years. Even though I've come a very long way, I still sometimes feel like an emotional mess and wish I was further along.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Don't know where my post went. I was telling u that you didn't sound pathetic and wasn't a sissy. You father was wrong to do that to you. Strikes a chord with me cause ex has always done that to our son. It's ok to feel compassion Tad, ur means u are alive. Tad it takes awhile to get thru this but you are better and will continue to be. Wow systems like four yrs. ago was just yesterday. I remember when u joined, I was still a hot mes. We both have come a long way. It will happen, keep pushing.
Don't know where my post went. I was telling u that you didn't sound pathetic and wasn't a sissy. You father was wrong to do that to you. Strikes a chord with me cause ex has always done that to our son. It's ok to feel compassion Tad, ur means u are alive. Tad it takes awhile to get thru this but you are better and will continue to be. Wow seems like four yrs. ago was just yesterday. I remember when u joined, I was still a hot mes. We both have come a long way. It will happen, keep pushing.
Hi Tad, I'm glad the little girl is still alive and very much kicking. She probably had a cold or a bug and is feeling much better now. We all get attached to our little fur babies. They love us unconditionally and they fill a void during a crisis. Don't ever say "never" because you've become an animal lover and no matter what, we all need companionship and love in our lives, i.e., be it human or a pet.
Time certainly has flown and you've begun to really recover in the last year. Try not to allow those painful dates to get you down. Okay?
Enjoy your pets and give that special little girl rattie an extra serving of yogurt today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
