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GB,

Originally Posted By: GeorgiaBelle
I don't want anyone to miss a good laugh. When I went into guys house post date, he said "do you wanna hang out for a while?" I said, "sure." He said. ,"I'm not sure what is supposed to happen here?" I actually said," hey, we could maybe kiss if you want." Yes, I actually said that. I'm one smooth operator. I figured since I've only kissed one person in 12 1/2 years I would seize the opportunity of he hotness before me. Eric, do men find quirky, dorkiness hot? smile. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm paving the way in awkwardness post D for everyone.


Just be sure that your paint lines are straight when using the paint machine on your own highway to quirky happiness. grin


Last edited by Wonka; 10/23/14 11:29 PM.
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Thanks for your kind words. I feel like a mini trainwreck. S11 is with his grandparents and I have 2 kids this week. Big kids play basketball which is nice although LeBron James has no worries.

I've decided to stop obsessing about the house selling. It either will or it won't. The dog is whining. The curse is on it's way. I wonder how h just seamlessly leapt into another R. While I'm wondering if I can ever trust again? Can I ?

The date asked when we could go out again. I said we could this weekend. He said he was going to let me know what day. This sounds crazy because this is a 32 yr old man who wants to get married and have kids. I'm done having kids. I can't imagine getting married again. And yet I just want him to want me? Is that crazy? Nothing can come from this. I mean he has been telling me non stop how hot I am and how sexy I am and I've told him to please stop. I feel like I'm every articles nightmare about how to act normal or go on a second date. Why would he want to go out with such a weirdo? Better yet, why would anyone want to go out with such a weirdo? I just don't see how people do this. Good for them. I just don't see how they just mosey on and date. I really don't think I can do this. I just feel like everything is wrong with me. Xh has been in a R (no matter how crazy for months) and I'm a $h!tshow.

I'm sorry that I sound crazy. I really am. Never talk about ex on date. This guy asked about xh. I said I wished him peace but he asked me other stuff about him.
Maybe in 20 yrs I'll feel differently. Ugh.

I have a conference in NY next week. Maybe I just need a few days.

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 10/24/14 12:07 AM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB!! My brilliant, witty, boot-rocking friend....

Why why why why why why why??????

I, myself, lack the street cred, however, I would like to lovingly extend a fwap of stoppit sauce upside your pretty little head.

It's hard to read that you're feeling this way. I'm sorry you're struggling with all this.

Quote:
I mean he has been telling me non stop how hot I am and how sexy I am and I've told him to please stop. I feel like I'm every articles nightmare about how to act normal or go on a second date. Why would he want to go out with such a weirdo? Better yet, why would anyone want to go out with such a weirdo? I just don't see how people do this. Good for them. I just don't see how they just mosey on and date. I really don't think I can do this. I just feel like everything is wrong with me. Xh has been in a R (no matter how crazy for months) and I'm a $h!tshow.


You're so hard on yourself.

Can you list the good parts? Like, a really hot 32 year old finds you sexy, and wants to spend time with you? You're a desirable and beautiful woman. Smart as $h!t.

And, hey.... Apparently, you could see my pores from there? So you've gotta be feeling pretty "up" about the fact that you don't have THAT!! grin

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GB,

To add some perspective....

Which man would you rather date now:

-A man who wears Spiderman t-shirts?

-A man who wears normal clothes for his age?

There you go! laugh

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Wonka - what's "normal"? Please define normal attire for me. I feel a social faux paus coming on, but don't spare the details smile

Quote:
I'm sorry that I sound crazy. I really am. Never talk about ex on date. This guy asked about xh. I said I wished him peace but he asked me other stuff about him.
Maybe in 20 yrs I'll feel differently. Ugh.

I have a conference in NY next week. Maybe I just need a few days.
I didn't read the whole post - was this a first date?

I have a friend of mine who was in a similar boat. She's a wonderful lady slightly older than I am. She gets hit on by guys all the time. For a long time after her ex left, she didn't even notice. She complained she couldn't meet a nice guy. I actually chortled at that (I know - it was the martini though). She was not ready to date.

In your case, I wonder if you are? I ask because you mentioned your ex could do it as if to say you should be able to as well. Something to think about at least, is the reason why you are dating?

You can have fun with a guy that young. I know I had fun with ladies younger than that. There was one that I hated to let go of though. She's very special to me. Very. But she's about 30 and wants a family, kids, etc. I just am not the person to do that at this point in my life. My kids are in or headed to college. She's just starting. We're friends, but I won't go past that with her. The others? No problem - I am honest and up front about who I am and what I want. They are big girls.

It's ok to have fun as long as you know why you are doing it and know when to walk away.

You're not crazy by the way. Feeling that is not abnormal. It's just new to you and he may not be the right guy to date. smile

As for the ex questions. I'm all for talking about it to a point. They have a right to expect you'll talk about it and it's part of the evaluation you would go through - why are you divorced? Are you a nutter? Are you mean? A man-eater? Bitter?

But I would be cautious of any man that a) asks too many questions about it or b) doesn't know how to have a conversation about anything else on a first date. Both are flags on the play and you may want to call an audible when you run across that.

A guy who is honest and interested in you for you won't be terribly interested about your ex on a first date. He will be interested in you and that's just a small part of your history.

My $0.02

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
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"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Quote:
I wonder how h just seamlessly leapt into another R. While I'm wondering if I can ever trust again? Can I ?


Usually it's because they have already started the detachment process from the M LONG before BD or we even start noticing things are amiss...they are WAY ahead of the LBS there.

And also the new R is/can be a band-aid, a distraction from their inner turmoil, as my stbxw has realized and told me.

If you do the work, you will find that you can trust again because YOU trust YOURSELF to handle whatever life throws at you, and you will survive, be okay, recover and thrive again.

smile


Last edited by TSquared2; 10/24/14 02:53 PM.

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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GB

Quote:
I wonder how h just seamlessly leapt into another R.

And if YOU knew the answer – then what? Really…what does “knowing” really do for you? The answer should tell YOU something.

Quote:
While I'm wondering if I can ever trust again? Can I ?

IMO, trust is the hardest thing to address coming out of this chit. I believe YOU can trust again. It will take time and a LOT of work. Think about it this way….if you do not learn how to trust….could you ever really open up again? Is that who GB wants to be?

Quote:
This sounds crazy because this is a 32 yr old man who wants to get married and have kids. I'm done having kids. I can't imagine getting married again.

Ummm…..date 2 should not inspire thoughts of marriage or kids. Why not reframe how you are looking at this. Just take it for what it is – a DATE with a HOT guy. That is it. No more. No less.

Quote:
And yet I just want him to want me? Is that crazy?

Not crazy at all – actually normal. Don’t we all want to be desired? Where I think this could become an issues is if YOU NEED to be desired in order to FEEL GOOD about YOURSELF. Hey everybody likes external validation – NEEDING it is NOT healthy. So…why do you really feel this way?

Quote:
Nothing can come from this.

Since you are so adept at telling the future….can you let me know what my bonus will be next year? 

Quote:
I mean he has been telling me non stop how hot I am and how sexy I am and I've told him to please stop.

Have you considered that 1) he may just feel that way 2) that he may be trying to get “some”.

GB, IMO, post D you are the most vulnerable you can be. You have spent time feeling like dog chit. Spent time trying to figure out why you were left. All normal. So what do you expect to happen when after feeling all of this…someone comes around and says you are wonderful. Take it slow….GB….one day at a time. It is just a date.

Quote:
Why would he want to go out with such a weirdo? Better yet, why would anyone want to go out with such a weirdo?

Why do YOU feel like a weirdo? Why do YOU put YOURSELF down? Hmmm…..still have a little work to do…GB…maybe a little?

Time to start thinking about yourself in a different light.

Quote:
I really don't think I can do this.

Then DON’T. IMO, what you want….is validation that you are not crazy, you want an “ok” to be GB…cause you just don’t trust or feel comfortable with yourself yet.

Well…..GB…..FWIW, be YOU! Just be YOURSELF! Look in the mirror and fall in love with the person you see. Acknowledge your fears, acknowledge your feelings….and then…..

GO LIVE A LIFE that YOU can be PROUD OF.

Quote:
I have a conference in NY next week.

Shinning can give you some tips on place to see….she was…all over NYawk!


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GB,

First let me say that I'm happy for you that you're even in this current situation!

I too have been without any physical affection for YEARS. Not kissed, caressed, cuddled with, or spooned with. Forget anything else.

If I didn't get hugs from friends, wonderful dances, sloppy kisses from the dogs and love from the farm animals, I'm not sure I'd be in such a good place right now.

So--heck YEAH!!!
Why not enjoy the attention and milk it for what it can do for your soul?

Young, hot guy. Sexy contact. What's not to like?

Just keep your head and guard your heart. As others have said, you're really vulnerable right now. All the more reason to beef yourself up with a little ego-stroking.

I think if you're honest and open with him, it could just be nice for a change.
Fun and invigorating.

Heck... what I wouldn't give to be in your shoes many days.


---(G)GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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Shining, Wonka, AJM, T2, and Eric.....thanks so much for smacking me over the head. I swear to all of you I'm not crazy-I am however very hormonal. Last night I was thinking that my life is actually great! I'm healthy, smart, funny, successful, have 3 awesome kids, great friends, a fabulous dog and cat, and some wonderful family. Truly blessed in every sense of the word. Seriously, it's enviable by many. And yet, last night I thought I was going to pass the pho out. Why? I have no clue. I just feel sort of out of sorts. I know I have stuff to work through and I think I'm just tired. So tired that I said "hey ex Mr GB! I need you to take all 3 kids overnight, so I can have fun."

Look, I'm no fool. I know x Mr GB left long before BD. I saw these little subtle things but I was too distracted to really take notice. It wouldn't have changed a thing. The whys, how's, and how could he's really and truly no longer matter. I do mean that. I also know that x Mr GB felt he had to jump in a R because he cannot be alone (he even admits this) and that I wouldn't swap places with him for anything in this world. And I say that with compassion.

Eric, does this guy want some? Hails to the yes he does. That's pretty obvious. He has tried to figure out who I was for months (I had others tell me this) and he said he could never get close to "that." Is it a line? Maybe. We are a bit different so I do think there is a part of him that thinks that. And at the risk of sounding like I'm writing in that forum section of Cosmo magazine, what do I think when he says stuff like this? "Geeez, he's hot and I want to rip his clothes off." I am terribly sorry if that is TMI or offends anyone although I'm just being honest. So the freaking crazy physical attraction is mutual. I know I can't tell the future. Bad GB for insinuating that I can!!!!! I just want to have fun. I've always tried to do the right thing and I'm okay loosening the reigns on certain things for temporary fun. It's not compromising my morals-perhaps just no longer shoving stuff down. He asked me last night what I wanted from him and well, I was honest. Here is what a typical exchange between GB and hot guy (HG) is like.

HG-I babysat the 3 yr old down the street.
GB thinks "Good lord! That's so sexy!"

HG-"I got stabbed in the hand once." (Because of his job)
GB thinks-" I need a glass of cold water."

HG-" I can't believe you are talking to me."
GB thinks-" roll up, it's a hold up. Do not jump across the table!!!"

Do you notice a trend? I am doing things that make me feel uncomfortable yet don't compromise my beliefs. At least, that's what I'm experimenting with at this time. I am rarely physically attracted to people. I'm not kidding. I think 3 in my life so this is ...... unusual.

I go to NYC about 4-6 times per year. It's my favorite city! I'm excited to see my best friend Monday night (she's the spitting image of Katy Perry). We've been through a great deal together and I'm lucky to have her.

Also, the last few times I've seen h, he looks like he's been on a 3 day bender. The other day, I secretly thought I would like to give him a hug. And that's a bad idea. Maybe somewhere down the road. Maybe not. It will all be okay I'm sure though.

Thank you all. I read every word you post to me and I try to take it all in. Happy Friday, peeps! Love from the hopefully soon to be saner GB.

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 10/24/14 04:49 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Thank you GGG! I just saw your post.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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