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jim0987 #2499428 10/22/14 09:11 AM
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lostluv Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: jim0987
Its natural. The better you feel the more hopeful you feel which makes the distance more noticeable.

Like LoveMyW said let it out when your away from your W. Bottling is not good.
i'm still debating if hope is a good thing. I mean it makes me feel great, but it puts expectations into the back of my mind. I feel if there is hope, I may not move on....if I do not move on, then I will not enjoy life and live for ME.

somewhat seems like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

any vets help me maintain hope without putting expectations into my thoughts? I tell myself over and over not to expect anything, but sometimes it seems out of my control.

am I the only one that feels this way?


me-42
w-33
d-3
together-6
m-4yr
6/1/14-w check out
6/15/14-EA?
8/1/14-mc
9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing
9/15/14-w suggest separation
10/17/14 wife is done
12/13/2014 - wife move out
me file 1/1/15


lostluv #2499430 10/22/14 09:27 AM
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No your definitely not the only one who feels that way


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2499447 10/22/14 11:06 AM
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lost, some folks to encourage hope. I would say -- have hope for yourself, but don't invest hope in another person because you can't count on what they are going to do or choose. The great thing about having hope for yourself -- that you'll find peace, that you'll be strong, that you will emerge in a better place, that you will have more love in your life -- is that it's something that you can actually do something about. If you have those expectations for yourself, you can pursue those things -- just make sure you are pursuing them on your own, without factoring you W into the equation.

I, for one, am trying as much as possible to live both without hope and without fear. Just be in the moment and focus on yourself right now. It's the path to peace.

Last edited by Ahoy; 10/22/14 11:07 AM.

M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2499453 10/22/14 11:28 AM
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lostluv Offline OP
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I know eventually I will be fine. I cannot give up hope on my marriage until it is OVER. Otherwise I'm giving up. I'm starting to release the expectation that comes w the hope....that's not easy.

This morning was pleasant , and I even made her laugh (doesn't happen often now a days ).

I have been much better the past couple weeks keeping the smiles on me when wife is around.

Time to go do something....maybe attempt some sleep


me-42
w-33
d-3
together-6
m-4yr
6/1/14-w check out
6/15/14-EA?
8/1/14-mc
9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing
9/15/14-w suggest separation
10/17/14 wife is done
12/13/2014 - wife move out
me file 1/1/15


lostluv #2499457 10/22/14 11:34 AM
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I know it's tough, Lost. But you need to look at things differently. Make a gratitude list every morning with at least 3 things on it. I've got an app on my phone that prompts me each morning to journal what I'm grateful for. The first thing you can put on it is that your wife is still in the house with you. Some of us would kill for that.

Buck up, you will get through this.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Jefe #2499468 10/22/14 12:03 PM
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lostluv Offline OP
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That is actually one thing that helps me with my PMA every time I start to lose it....I get to see my daughter and wife every day


me-42
w-33
d-3
together-6
m-4yr
6/1/14-w check out
6/15/14-EA?
8/1/14-mc
9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing
9/15/14-w suggest separation
10/17/14 wife is done
12/13/2014 - wife move out
me file 1/1/15


lostluv #2499870 10/23/14 12:12 PM
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lostluv Offline OP
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trying to stay away from the site and do some other things to get my mind off stuff. been watching new shows on tv to try to keep my mind occupied.

no real updates or break through. have been trying to be more distant....very hard but managing. Have connected with a couple of old friends on facebook.

today is the day that I am not able to leave work early to take my daughter to daycare, so I text my wife "tell (daughter) i lover her and give her a hug n kiss for me"

i left out the normal "good morning" and "how did you sleep" or "how was your night"

she responded back saying she would and then seemed like she wanted to continue the conversation about how the night went over several texts.

now it's time to attempt a workout....haven't been able to complete a normal one for a couple weeks


me-42
w-33
d-3
together-6
m-4yr
6/1/14-w check out
6/15/14-EA?
8/1/14-mc
9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing
9/15/14-w suggest separation
10/17/14 wife is done
12/13/2014 - wife move out
me file 1/1/15


lostluv #2500105 10/24/14 12:48 AM
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lostluv Offline OP
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Had a pretty good day as far as PMA. was actually real good until a few min ago. I went to karate class and my wife and daughter went with a wife's friend and daughter to a kids Halloween party (I wasn't invited....was ok w that) they had a blast. Wife out daughter to bed before I was home (as usual). But half hr later my daughter called for me and I went to tuck her in again. Was excited to see me and tell me about her fun. She wanted to sing abc's and twinkle star song. I sang it every night to her at bedtime from when she was about a month old until about 4 months ago. We recently started reading books instead. She actuall can sing the songs now rather than humming...it's so cute. But reminder of "the old days" and I started crying while singing w her. Knowing I won't be there every night to tuck her in HURT BADLY!


me-42
w-33
d-3
together-6
m-4yr
6/1/14-w check out
6/15/14-EA?
8/1/14-mc
9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing
9/15/14-w suggest separation
10/17/14 wife is done
12/13/2014 - wife move out
me file 1/1/15


lostluv #2500639 10/25/14 06:20 PM
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Posts: 207
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lostluv Offline OP
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Last night we went to a Halloween party at my wife's aunts workplace for kids. My daughter had fun. My wife pretty much acted like I wasn't even there. I talked to her aunt and dad most of the time. They actually like me lol
I slept for the ride home then she went to bed And I slept on the recliner. I had dreams all night that I was heart broken and crying my eyes out. I woke up feeling awful, but was "ok"
I'm starting to accept the fact that it is more than likely is over. It's going to make it easier to work on me but it's making me feel cold. At this point, even if my wife suddenly said she wanted to fix things and work together on "us" , I'm not sure I would trust her.
Roller coaster here......on edge of giving up.
Sometimes I feel as if she has reached a point that she is looking for the infatuation that comes with dating like we had in the beginning. She got a taste of it when she was getting compliments from other guys and started pursuing them.....and brings up anything she can from the past and throws it in my face to justify her actions. If she truly wanted us to work things out like she originally said, she would actually try.
I guess it's just a matter of figuring out division so assets and new living arrangement .

I'm doing an overnight beer fest out of town tonight for a huge step of my GAL. Going w my buddy and his fiancé.


me-42
w-33
d-3
together-6
m-4yr
6/1/14-w check out
6/15/14-EA?
8/1/14-mc
9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing
9/15/14-w suggest separation
10/17/14 wife is done
12/13/2014 - wife move out
me file 1/1/15


lostluv #2500650 10/25/14 07:20 PM
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Quote:
Sometimes I feel as if she has reached a point that she is looking for the infatuation that comes with dating like we had in the beginning. She got a taste of it when she was getting compliments from other guys and started pursuing them.....and brings up anything she can from the past and throws it in my face to justify her actions. If she truly wanted us to work things out like she originally said, she would actually try.
I guess it's just a matter of figuring out division so assets and new living arrangement .


Lost, we all are. Especially the Wayward Spouses. This is the feeling that most people confuse with love.

That's kind of the point, she's wayward, she doesn't want to right now.

Lost, it really blows me away that you have no ability to just be still. You need to be working on your junk and forget what she is doing. She has given you a gift. The gift of time to be able to work on your self before she is really gone.

Lost, can you list 5 things you think you contributed to the breakdown of the marriage?


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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