Starsky: in response to your last reply, that makes total sense. Classic interrogation technique if I'm not mistaken. Anyways, like I said, I will have limited time to contact a lawyer this week and the next due to this exercise, plus we have one last planned event dating to before I got back that we need to attend. For now my plan is to keep things going, continue to collect data, and proceed with plan B once I've got myself set up.
Is this the Beyond LRT? I also don't know what to say if when I say, "I want you out of the house," she says, "or else what?" The only thing I can think of is revealing the results of my data collection to everyone that matters to her. I'm pretty sure though that once I reveal that I know about her and OM2 she will have a good enough idea of what my source is and shut it down. If she leaves the house, that would pretty much end any monitoring I would be able to do. Plus, if I go through with this, the, "get out," would be paired with a, "I'm shutting off your phone," as well.
We did talk last night about OM2 and his situation, she spent a lot of time trying to convince me that she's not who he would want as well as that he is not the type of guy she would want to be with either. I believe the latter a bit more than the former, but the messages I have belie both of those. Now I'm rambling, inputs are welcome.
I feel an update is in order now that I have some time to myself this evening. W is having a girls night (I'm sure that OM1 is not there).
Start with the bad news: - W still constantly looks over her shoulder while typing on her phone sometimes to see if I'm watching. Usually I'm not, but in the case that I do walk past, she exits out quickly. We have yet to talk about why she feels the need to do that, or the fact that I know her relationship with OM2 has been inappropriate at times. - I have my own GAL issues, given that I no longer have male friends to go out with, since they're all PCS-ing out of here. This makes me much more likely to be...clingy? Basically not the independent guy that would make me attractive to my W. - Intentionally or not, she has cut off my source to her conversations with OM2. Not a huge deal, I have what I need, but I don't know if those were fluke conversations or a continued theme.
The good news: - She has been open to me seeing her conversations with OM1, while not all of it, it's a step towards disclosure I think. Part of this recovery for me is trying to be more patient. She's not coming out with everything all at once, but slowly and surely there is more information that comes to the surface with every conversation, which have been more civil and understanding, even when we talk about her affairs and our marriage. - Both OM's have told her that her posting on social media have taken a toll on them since both of them are going through hard times and all they see are pictures and posts of us spending QT together or things about how we have been doing nice things for each other. It's clear to them that I am making a comeback I think. - W was quite open to taking the 5 Love Languages quiz and learning how each of us feel loved. We made it a fun afternoon discussion. Turns out we both share the need to hear Words of Affirmation and spend Quality Time together. I actually had those two plus Physical Touch all equally important. - That said, we have had a few more dates that went very well, one to a movie, and one where we just walked around a lake and went to a coffee shop. We talked a lot driving there and while walking, and we did in fact talk about our future. Not in terms of where I wanted to be or where she wanted to be, but she was specific in talking about where WE were headed next. That's different than in previous talks. She is also eager to join me when I talk to a recruiter about where my next job will be after I separate from the Air Force (next year).
What happens next: - I can't just let the suspicious texting go unaddressed. Luckily, this exercise I'm on ends tomorrow, then I have a three day weekend as a reward. It will be brought up. - Honestly that may be our only hurdle left, I know that I may have taken an unorthodox path to get here, but I feel (and think) that our marriage is getting stronger the more we talk things through. Plus I think knowing how our LL's match up and how to interact based on that is a huge help.
I might get raked over the coals for this post, but what are your thoughts?
Rev, Given what you've said I wish you all the best in possible reconciliation. I can imagine they go through some crazy emotional process to lose a friend, W's OMs. So I hope that this isn't limbo you are in.
If you are about to ETS from the service in a year or so, I'd recommend finding a job on the other side of the U.S. This doesn't guarantee that an OM will never show up again, but it'll make it d**n hard for the current ones to reappear.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
It's all out there now...She admitted to me last weekend that BOTH affairs were sexual. In fact, with OM2, she was his first.
As I've said in previous posts on the other thread, and as many others on here have worked through before, I assumed this was the case early on and asked myself then whether we could recover our marriage or if that was the end. It really depended on her attitude towards my GAL-ing and whether she wanted to recommit to our marriage, which I honestly believe she does. She has shown what I believe to be sincere remorse many times, and the fact that she is coming clean (albeit a slow process) is a huge step.
We did have the conversation about her online communications and I told her that I wouldn't tolerate it. I can say that I have yet to come across anything inappropriate since that conversation using my usual methods of verification.
We have been spending a lot of QT together, and talking about how things got the way they were when she felt the need to seek other men for her needs while I was away. As far as intimacy goes, she admits to being hesitant, saying she feels, "dirty," or like, "used goods." Something else to work on I guess.
I am optimistic for what's to come, and while I am not quite ready to call this a divorce busting, I do think the advice you all have provided me and the content of the Divorce Remedy have been key to turning my W back to me.
Sounds like you may be in the "piecing" process. That's encouraging to hear.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
It's not over...regardless of how I found out I know her and OM2 are still exchanging erotic messages over what they think are secret chat accounts. As early as this morning.
This situation doesn't sound anything like others I've read...seriously when we're together it's like there are no problems, we made love last night, we spend QT together, she genuinely seems like she wants to be with me and tells me she's happy with how things are going. But with this guy it's a whole different world they have going on, as if either I'm not there, or if at all I am just an obstacle to them conversing.
Is this the big, "have cake and eat it too," situation? I mean, the way I found out was by snooping again, something I said I wouldn't do, honestly if I hadn't checked I really wouldn't have a clue anything was wrong. I don't know what to do...
It's not over...regardless of how I found out I know her and OM2 are still exchanging erotic messages over what they think are secret chat accounts. ...
Is this the big, "have cake and eat it too," situation? I mean, the way I found out was by snooping again, something I said I wouldn't do, honestly if I hadn't checked I really wouldn't have a clue anything was wrong. I don't know what to do...
And THIS is why I'm such a strong believer in good intel.
