Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 394
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 394
You go girl! Hope tomorrow comes and goes without too much emotion.
I know how hard those days can be- take some time to do something nice for yourself. And make sure you are using the mirrors from people at work- that's the reflection of your true awesome self! ( said in a voice that is trying to convince myself of that too....)

Last edited by daring; 10/22/14 01:55 AM.

Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
S
Shining Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
Thanks, Mighty and daring smile


Ok.....this is new for me. I'm kinda worried.

I'm not feeling anything for h today.... Not love, not sad, not anger....I'm just not thinking about him much. I haven't checked my phone for him even once today. I happened to see his text. My thoughts are getting further away from him....Probably normal, huh?

I assume it's just me being busy with work. I'm curious to know if this happens to LBS?

Here's the thing...I know I love him. I don't know what kind of love it is anymore. I'm just not feeling it. Does that mean I really don't love him? Am I fooling myself?

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
No, not at all. That does not mean you don't love him! That means you are focusing on yourself! That is a good thing! A scary and sad thing, but it is good. It is part of the detachment process.

It is soooo bitter-sweet. I know, for sure. I have been there. Then you go up and down. It is such a crazy process. It does not mean you care less.... it is part of the detachment process.

Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
I think that we are so involved in trying to save our M that we forget who we are/were. The rejection is so painful that we beg and plea for them to change their mind. We forget at times that we werent happy either. We get really lost. This is a really confusing time Shinning. Dont try and make sense casue it wont. You will make yourself crazy. Just feel what is happening. For example I fantasize that ex will email me begin for forgiveness and want to come back. Not sure why my brain is doing that since getting back together is not an optoon for me. The process takes time.

Keep doing what you are doing. You doing good


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
S
Shining Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
Thank you, Mighty smile.

Rick, you're absolutely correct. I forgot who I am. I got really lost. I think I was happy. I remember several times I looked around and said it to myself. I guess I don't need to categorize it one way or the other, today. It wouldn't change what I'm doing.

And this being a confusing time....sheesh....that's for sure. There is so much that is crazy. I used to want to talk about it. I learned a while back that it is too crazy for anyone outside of it to understand. For months I've been laying low from everyone.

I fantasize a little about H having a "break-through" of some kind. In my mind, it looks a lot like he did at rehab last Feb. when he knew he was messed up. When he knew he had stuff to deal with and sort out.

Now he's just vapid.

Thanks, for stopping by, Rick smile

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
S, I know it's hard for people like us, who want to understand the whys and hows, to just accept our feelings.

There really isnt any right or wrong way to feel. You will be up one day, down the next. Sometimes its hour to hour. There will be days when you dont think of him at all and days when you cant get him out of your head.

The thing is that the way this goes down doesnt make any sense. It isnt the way things are supposed to happen.

Thats why its important to focus on you and your kids. Its why its an opportunity to look within and figure yourself out.

I believe that this journey was meant to happen in the way it does. If we are really lucky, we take what we are supposed to from it.

I know that you want, in some ways, to know what's next. I know because I was the same way in the beginning. We cant rush this along, much as we want to. You have to let it play out.

So, feel what you do and then keep moving forward.

You got this, S. I have no doubt.

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
S
Shining Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
Thank you, uR, as you can see, I'm still awake and it's 1:00am here... Glad the day is over. I'm going to sleep right after this.

I am in that exact phase you mentioned....I can go longer periods without him crossing my mind. Then others, I want to run into his arms.

I'm seeing a lot about myself in this break from life.... Wow. I felt myself get small today at work. And I got up and went to the ladies room for a quick pep-talk. Crazy, huh!??

I totally want to know what's next. I don't base my life on it so much anymore. It's hard. OMG, it's hard.

My eyes are closing. Goodnight, my friend. Thank you again for sharing your wisdom, with exactly the right words, at exactly the time I need them. You're amazing.

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
Quote:
It's hard. OMG, it's hard.


What UR said is exactly right. Even after all of these years there are short periods when I still think what the **** happened to my life? But we learn, and you have learned quickly.

I still think that MLC is a form of mental illness, long standing issues never dealt with by the MLCers, coming to an explosive head. We usually become the focus of blame.

I am not sure that everyone here is dealing with a MLCer. Some seem to be dealing with long term dysfunctional relationships that went viral. And fwiw I think there is a difference, but for whatever reason, we all need support. And the occasional challenge to our own belief systems!!

Not everyone believes that MLC exists. As Job says - we didn't break them and we can't fix them. I think it is all so very sad - that MLC isn't understood, and that there is nothing we can do for our former spouse except be kind and look after ourselves and our broken families.

Does it matter if it is MLC or not? I think it does, because it changes the focus of responsibility. Ultimately we are responsible for ourselves (and our real dependents) We take responsibility for our part in whatever went wrong, but also see that whatever we did the outcome would probably be the same. It is really hard to DB a full blown MLCer.

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
S
Shining Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
Hi, bea smile

Yeah, that uR... She's been on the mark with me from day one.

It's possible H isn't in MLC. I happen to think he is. Either way, the plan for me is to putt all my focus and energy on myself, my kids, and my new job.

Poor H. I know he suffers. The price of riding that ride with him, especially since I can't fix him? Too high. Stepping aside for now.

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
Shining,

I saw your post about wondering if you love your h. I struggle with that too. Right now I feel pretty much nothing for him. However, I believe that deep, deep down inside I have love for him. I just can't see it or feel it. Maybe that rises to the surface one day. I'm not sure.

So happy for you on the job front! You are doing fabulous and btw, I love your pores. :-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard