As a WAW with severe depression, I connect with everything you said there, GGG. Especially the point of when a depressed person is miserable, they think they have always been that way.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
And I believe they think that dating other people, finding the "right" person, getting those good brain chemicals going will "fix it". And, for a while, it does.
So it continues. But they can't see the bigger picture. Both my mother and father could not see that they were seriously depressed.
Even in the hospital. They would deny it. My mother would just say "I"m not depressed. I'm just sick. I hurt all over. Nobody can figure out what's wrong with me."
Then make a suicide attempt, and later the same day, insist she is not depressed.
Talk about your lack of insight. It's frightening that others can see clearly sometimes what we cannot.
Which I guess is why it's a waste of time to try to "educate" our spouses on depression, midlife crisis, counseling, etc. It just makes us the enemy.
My mother never believed a word I said, and my mentioning "depression" just made her angry.
Sorry for the hijack, Maybell. I think it's relevant though.
Especially when we're feeling like we want to find a steamroller to solve our problems!
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Thanks for validating my suspicion. I'm not sure what good it does either of us, except to add strength to the stand. But that's a big deal.
I'm also sorry to hear that was how your parents were. That must have been (be?) really rough.
When he picked up the boy H didn't acknowledge meeting me at the restaurant yesterday either, which I thought was kind of funny.
Que sera sera, I'm a pretty decent mom, so there's that. (Just made all the kids very happy after that rough, rough afternoon). I made all three of them do a power pose for three minutes before we started cleaning up. The boys thought it was awesome, and then they cleaned the basement like CHAMPS. D11 did not. She's a tough nut. But I prevailed.
Vossy, that's an interesting idea about the group counseling. I'll have to think about it. D11 and S8 alternate between beating each other mercilessly and standing up for one another like rebar, so I'm not sure how it would go over. Neither of them really wants the other to know their secrets, especially D11 (of course). But it might simplify a few things.
Card, I'm going to have to rewatch the Brene Brown one. (In fact, D11 is trading two of her consequences for today's bad behavior for watching the two videos...) because every minute of it mattered to me. I don't think GALing is numbing if you're choosing your activities thoughtfully. Numbing kills the good feelings as well as the bad, GALing makes more room for the good feelings. The idea of being "whole-hearted" in my attitude towards life really spoke to me.
Red hair isn't as bold as I would have liked it to be, but I'll probably touch it up around Christmastime so I'll go bolder then. I did buy some bolder eye makeup to complement it.
Children are in bed and all is well in the world again.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I just feel like it could give them a feeling of "Hey, we're in this together" or something similar. I know they know they have you, but with each other they are in the EXACT same position as each other. Granted, it might take a little more work to make them come out of their respective shells and open up in front of each other, but you never know.. just a thought.
I need to look up this power pose stuff. I've discovered dancing my way around my apartment is a pretty decent lifter-upper.
I've been thinking about you, and your D. I've worked with middle school students for over 10 years, so I can completely imagine what you are talking about. Years ago, a colleague described adolescents as kids who want to sit on your lap one minute, and then tell you to F off the next. They are in total emotional and physical flux.
Doesn't make it any easier, but explains a bit of the craziness. And... the fact that she pushes your buttons means (honestly) that she feels safe enough to do that. Think about how your son is reluctant to tell his DAD how he really feels. He doesn't feel safe enough.
The authors of the 7 principles (though I guess I'm not allowed to mention it here?) have some parenting resources. Could be worth checking out. Hang in there. Girls are tough!
And, what you said about being left to pick up the pieces also resonated with me. I did NOT sign up to do this alone. It's tough. I hear you.
Don't have any great advice or answers. Just want to say I hear you. ((hugs))
