Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics)

[mindsin]

Mindsin,

Just a word about routines:
My D is 3.5.
I get home at 5. On days she doesn't nap she goes to bed around 7:15. In those 2-ish hours, she "helps" me make dinner, we eat together and talk about our "highs and lows" of the day, we clear the table and play for a bit-- sometimes we color, or have a dance party, or run up and down the hallway, or play Candyland, or one of a million other things.

We start her bedtime routine around 6:30--

I cherish those two hours since I only see her for a short while in the mornings, too.

That is why I'm so curious what your children do, and it is notable to me that you detailed some things your son does (after school, soccer, bike), but I hear very little about your daughter. I'm not judging but I am just noticing it and curious about it. I only have one child so I don't fully understand the dynamics of a house with more kids.... but I wonder if it would help you focus less on your W if you focused more on your kids? Maybe that could be something to think about. ..

That's amazing that she can go down to sleep that early. My daughter goes to sleep at 9:00 PM on most nights, and even later on weekends.

My son is involved in a lot more activities than my daughter is. She is only 3.5, like yours. Maybe part of it was that my son was our 1st born, and so much focus and attention was put on him from an early age. Now that we have a second child, we're not as focused on her development, sad to say. Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out things.

I have the power to change this, and I will, with or without my W.

[claire7]

Yep. My D is up between 6-7 am, and after a full day of school, no nap, and then playground in the afternoon, she is beat.

On days when my D does take a nap, she goes to bed much later. In fact, I started cutting the afternoon nap (or not worrying about it) when she was staying up until 8:30 or 9:00 pm

So, again, I have to ask-- what does she do all evening? What are those evenings like in your home? Do you all have dinner together? Do the kids play together? Do they watch TV? What time do you get home from work? What time does your wife get home from work?

Family dynamics play a big role in MR. I think it's worth looking into how the dynamics with the kids impact your M.

I'm asking, I guess, because it sounds like maybe there are opportunities to change things up a bit?

[mindsin]

Claire - On weekdays, our daughter usually eats dinner at her grandparents', and is home between 6:00 and 7:00. There, she usually plays with her brother (various things), and sometimes watches TV (we try to limit this). Then it's bath time, reading, then sleep.

We rarely have dinner together, except on the weekends. My W and I come home at different times depending on the day. Sometimes, I will wait for her and have a meal prepared for both of us.

[MrBond]

And when do YOU actually play with them? My recommendation is that you play with them every day if possible. Get to know them.

[mindsin]

I play with them every day, MrBond -- more so on the weekends.

[MrBond]

Great! Then say so. Seriously, you mention your children so sparingly in your posts, you would think that you lock them in a closet until it's feeding time.

[mindsin]

New GAL activity, dinner with my W, and visiting her old company

This morning, I decided to sign up for ballroom dancing lessons. I wanted to partake in a GAL activity that was completely out of character for me. Ballroom dancing would be it. I e-mailed my W to let her know that I'll be out this Thursday night for a couple of hours. She said "No problem".

I work as an IT consultant, and today I visited her old company (the one she worked at for the majority of her career, and just left a year ago). Her old company is a client of ours and I was there to do some back-end systems work. It was kind of surreal walking through that building, and I passed by the office where my W used to be located. I remembered the days I visited her at the office, and the lunches we had in the cafeteria. I walked by the "mother's room" and thought of all the hours my W spent in there pumping breast milk for our 1st born.

After I left work, I did some light grocery shopping, then picked up the kids and went home.

While at my in-laws' house to get the kids, my FIL spoke to me briefly about his talk with my W last Friday. He basically said that she told him that she is a grown woman and is capable of making her own decisions. She indicated that she wants to figure things out on her own, and doesn't need pressure from them, or me, or anyone else. When my FIL asked her what she has planned for the future, she simply said she doesn't know. She made no mention of divorce.

When I got home, I made dinner, while my kids played upstairs. I texted my W about the package of brussel sprouts on the kitchen counter, and she said that she bought those for me. I said that I will cook the steak and the brussel sprouts for the side veggies. She said she will not be eating them, because she hates brussel sprouts.

I tried a new recipe for the brussel sprouts (pan fried) and I thought they came out great. I cooked the steaks medium rare, just the way my W and I like it. I poured two glasses of red wine (she always has a glass @ dinner), set the table, and she came home shortly afterwards, changed, then sat at the table.

We started talking about various things. She asked me how my day at work went, and I told her about my interesting day. This is the first time she asked me about my day at work since my very 1st day at my new job (which was on Oct 1st). I'm sure much of it was because I was at her old company which was quite an interesting situation in of itself. She asked if I ran into some of her former co-workers, which I'm acquainted to. We then talked about the exercise program that she is doing. I'm a fitness buff, so I know a lot about nutrition, health, etc. She always asks me for my opinion on things related to nutrition and fitness.

She then asked me where I'm going Thursday night. I simply said, "I'll tell you later".

She responded, "Are you going on a date"?

I shook my head and said, "No".

Then she asked, "Where are you going on Sunday"? I previously told her (about 2 weeks ago), that I'm going to an event from 12:30 to 4:30. At the time, she didn't ask me where I was going. She only said "You're free to do whatever you want that day". But now she seems interested. I told her that a friend from work is hosting a football viewing party and a chili cook-off. She seemed quite surprised when I told her that I'll be making my own chili. This is something that she'd typically do, since she makes a killer beef chili. I don't know if she's surprised that I didn't ask her to make it for this Sunday, or if she was surprised that I'm actually going to make it (I'm a lousy cook).

In hindsight, maybe I should have kept Sunday's events from her as well, or maybe I should have just told her I signed up for ballroom dancing lessons. I didn't say because it would typically be something we'd take together. I don't know. She may possibly be thinking why Thursday night is a "secret" but Sunday isn't. Oh well. Too late now.

After dinner, I was playing and being silly with my 3-yo daughter. We held hands and danced together while mom was watching TV with her glass of wine. My son was doing his homework, then playing with his legos. I then brought the two of them upstairs to take a bath. After the bath, my daughter went to read with her mom in her bedroom, while I read with my son in the master bedroom. This has been our typical sleeping arrangement for months.

[mindsin]

Nothing terribly exciting to report this morning. She asked me to do a few things while I am working from home today.

1. Send a package full of merchandise to be returned to an online store.
2. Drop off a medical form at the pediatrician's office.
3. Burn some more exercise DVDs for her.

Last weekend, she also asked me to help her transfer her data from her old iPhone to her new iPhone. I told her I'd be glad to help. She hasn't said anything about it since however.

[elltee2]

Hi Mindsin-you look like you're doing really well with your GAL activities. Making chili and ballroom dancing both sound like pretty cool skills. How do you like the ballroom dancing? I'm just starting the GAL stuff and was considering that too.

[mindsin]

My 1st class is tomorrow, so I'll let you know.

I actually haven't been doing well with GAL. I'm just starting to.