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"It feels like she's doing her best to keep me at arms length no matter how friendly or approachable I try to be. And if I mention something she doesn't like she disappears for the rest of the evening."

You can't keep trying to control her actions. If she doesn't want to interact with you, it's her choice. Just shrug your shoulders and stop putting her at the center of your actions.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Thanks for checking on my thread, dog. I really appreciate it.
Don't let your wife's behavior throw you off. As you aptly noted, these emotions are all in our mind. We have to find a way to see them for what they are and let them go. It's hard to feel dismissed and ignored. To constantly feel like we are second-guessing their actions. Don't let her actions undermine your PMA!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Yes. Just venting really. Sm I trying to control her actions? Perhaps I'm guilty of having some expectation that we could have a decent conversation. I'm just disappointed that it seems to be one step forward, two steps back at times.

My DB coach advised to treat her as you would a sister which I'm trying to do. Part of that is to try and engage more. I have complained to her a while ago that she disappears upstairs and goes to bed without telling me.

I should have rephrased that to say I would like it if we could spend some time together and just talk to each other. That would have been better.

I will carry on. Keep up my PMA. Stay cheerful and busy myself with things that need doing.

Actually I do have a question regarding things like the stuff I founpd in the washing machine and tumble dryer. Should I leave this and not 'rescue' her from having to wash it again as they've become smelly (this has happened before a few times) or do I get it done?


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Well I tend to leave it if the child has left his in there. I would take it out and throw it in a basket if you needed the washer if you don't then it's not my concern.


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It's likely to contain some of my stuff though. I guess that may make a difference.

'the child' :-)

Last edited by Old Dog; 11/01/14 10:46 AM.

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Originally Posted By: Old Dog
Dammit. I do feel angry despite myself.

She has spent the rest of the evening avoiding me again and has now gone to bed.

It feels like she's doing her best to keep me at arms length no matter how friendly or approachable I try to be. And if I mention something she doesn't like she disappears for the rest of the evening.

I'm trying my best her woman. Cut me some slack please.


I do this, it's called reading a book for me, peace and quiet and avoiding confrontation and so I keep my feelings dark. I want H to leave me be. For my friend she detaches because she wants to do her Facebook.

I am a complete newbie but with due respect isn't it better than a bad place interaction. May be that is slack?
Regards
Vanilla

Last edited by Vanilla; 11/01/14 11:15 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Yeah, the child =s 16. I tend to use child on forums when he does childish silly stuff.

Yes today I found washing in the machine that's been there days! None of mine in it and as I didn't know it was put on.I didn't know to hang it out.

A disclaimer tho, my machine is in an outside laundry, so unless I go out there to put a load in I have no idea he has washed. Hence I don't check I don't hang out.


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Hi Vanilla, thanks for stopping by.

There is an elephant in the room at times due to the situation. She disappears because she feels awkward with the tension but I'm trying to ease that and I can't if I'm left on my own and I don't want to follow her.

I brought up the subject a while ago with her and said we need to improve communication and try to be friends again but it seems I'm the only one making an effort. I know this is to be expected for DBers but it is hard.

She's gone off now to her wedding. Won't be back till the same time tomorrow. I'm glad she's gone as I was feeling peeved about her withholding I formation from me again. I realised I was waiting for her to go. Now I can get on. I still put on a front and wished a good time.


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I started growing a Movember moustache today. I had a shave this morning and will cultivate the top lip for the next month in order 'to change the face of men's health'.

This is another 180 as I wouldn't be seen dead with a tache normally and I'm not one for taking part in this sort of charity stunt either.

Last edited by Old Dog; 11/01/14 01:30 PM.

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What would you lose by drawing back a little further? Not wishing her a good time, not trying to cultivate friendship, but giving her what she says she wants. Stopping pulling her towards you and see what happens?

Enjoy all your GAL. remember how many excuses you made for not doing any? Almost as many as you've made for dodging the pedicure. But I can see, your resistance is beginning to weaken. wink


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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