Latest entry into my personal journal: "Your old M is dead. There is no guarantee of a new one with WAW. Your M is only a piece of paper at this point." Is this the healthiest mentality for me to seek?
I know there are a lot of people who like this phrase (old marriage is dead) but I'm not one of them. And I certainly don't agree that my M is only a piece of paper at this point. Here's the way I'm thinking about it:
For me, my M is a Chapter in my life - full of memories, good and bad, but overwhelmingly good. Regardless of where my H is at, I will look back on my time with him and appreciate the times I did have and how he influenced my story to this point. That Chapter is already written; I read it with my own eyes. He can't take that away from me. Now I've turned a new page and am starting the next Chapter. I don't know where it is going yet or who the characters are….
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Thank you ganb8te, that was just the wording I was looking for. That has bothered me too.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Its helped me so it might help. Have you ever seen the film 'up' - really sad start. But late in the film he finds a book with all the happy memories in it and realises that although they didn't achieve all they wanted they still had a good time.
So that's how I kind of think about things. I'm starting a new adventure but I'm grateful that I had the previous one (my R with my W). Not the same as giving up just recognising that adventure is done.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I'm also at a GAL standstill. Need to figure out what to do next. My late summer, early fall activities were awesome, but they are either finished or have run their course. I do have a free private salsa lesson next week. Not really excited about dancing right now, though.
Last edited by Card29; 10/22/1412:23 PM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
In both states where I've lived, there are music schools where you learn to play first and music reading & theory second. If you Search for "performance based" lessons you will find them. My daughter took piano lessons that way and was playing fairly complicated blues pieces (as well as some of her favorite pop tunes) within a couple of months. The high school aged son of one of my friends here just signed with a record label after 3 years at a performance based school.
Just a thought, since you enjoyed the dancing.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
foot, I lifted the duck from a series of novels I enjoy. They are hilariously funny as well as being mysteries. When I was writing out our S agreement, I made reference to "any man, woman, or duck you might be dating". I didn't send that version to H, but I have used the term privately since.
Card, to go along with Maybell's idea, my S18 taught himself to play piano from You Tube. He didn't learn to read music and never practiced technique, but he has a good time. You could see what's available for guitar. I recently bought a Groupon for a year's worth of access to an online guitar course. It's as many lessons as you want to take in a year for a really great price. I haven't started those yet, though.
