Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
L
Little Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
Unexpected text this morning asking me not to forget to pay the last payment on the cable...which I was paying and he had shut off. Coupled with a "Good morning and I hope your day is going good. :)"

The text I sent back back was "Understood. This weekend is going to be hectic so I'll pick up my mail Sunday night".

I was intending to leave it at that, but he replied, "Fun hectic, I hope". He's never really showed interest in my goings on since he left. He also told me he's going to some car show this weekend, since the weather's supposed to be nice. Again, never been interested in telling me what he's doing since he left.

Testing boundaries, perhaps?

Last edited by Little; 10/17/14 03:19 PM.

ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
Little -- Don't get sucked back into his drama. Try not to wonder about what he's doing or thinking. It's pointless and a waste of your energy, which you could be using to make your own life better. Just carry on with your life. Don't bother with the WHY because your BF isn't thinking clearly, and any excuse he's given you is likely coming from his need to justify his actions.

Chin up!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 19
M
New Member
Offline
New Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 19
I would just note it as a baby step.

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
L
Little Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
I'll do both. Note it as a baby step, not worry about it or dwell and keep focusing on me! smile


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: Little
Sure, but I don't know how I'll know when it's "time" to do the contacting. Especially if he hasn't contacted first.

I'm in the exact same situation: fresh separation (1 month, already), things are good with WAS and wondering how I will know it's time to make contact. I've seen other methods going from an overly precise "after a month" or a more vague "when you're emotionally ready" (ie. won't do something stupid), etc. A friend told me "you'll know when it's time." Timing can be crucial, I also read, as the WAS might be having doubts, being dumped/disappointed by OM, etc. Or the opposite: met someone new a couple of weeks earlier, gotten over doubts, etc. In choosing the right moment, there seems to be a lot of art involved, and little science!

Keep sharing your experience. I'm interested to know how it goes.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
L
Little Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
I had sooooooooooooooo much fun this weekend! Looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, but as of right now, I'm all...."boyfriend who?". HA!


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
L
Little Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
My temporary living situation is with a very dear, old, close friend, her mother, and her 13 year old son. The four of us are sharing the responsibilities for cleaning the house and it's working out very well.

For ten years, I was responsible for everything in the home I shared with BF. I don't think he cleaned the bathroom once since we moved in. I would try to keep on the dishes, but then I got fed up and the dishes would pile up until I either got sick of waiting for him to notice and did them myself, or I nagged for some help.

It got to the point where I was bound and determined I would not be the only one in the house doing any chores, and paid a friend who needed extra income to do it for me. Including mowing the lawn, which I paid for because BF would come home from a crappy work situation and pass out on the couch by 7pm (which he later claims was because he was depressed about our R, who knows).

Once he told me that he contributes to the chores because he gets up early to snow blow the driveway when it snows and if I wanted, we could switch. I asked if that meant I could come home and watch TV after working 8 hours, while someone else cooked and then served me dinner for the rest of the year -- because, if yes, where did I sign up? He didn't get it.

Then, in one of the conversations BF and I had after BD and before I moved out, he claimed he felt like I was his mother. I cooked, I cleaned, but there wasn't much sex going on (to which I declare between us DBers that he exaggerated...we had sex in minimum of once a week, if not more than that -- I really felt under appreciated which contributed to my hesitancy to be intimate often). I asked him if he thought I LIKED doing all that and nagging him. I asked if he thought I truly enjoyed having to get on him about helping me and doing it all on my own. He stared at me like I had two heads, but I don't think it penetrated.

My point: I just cleaned the bathroom here, because the bathroom is my chore. But someone else does the dishes and someone else vacuums the carpets and someone else takes out the trash. It doesn't feel like soul-breaking work when the load is split and shared.

Many hands make light work. And how.


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 681
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 681
Hi Little, I think a lot of us can relate to your story about inequality in household duties! I know I can. When my H moved out I was so happy with the reduced amount of clean up and the fact that the house remained clean all the time! No one to pick up after but me!

My H also did the exact same thing with friendly text messages. As others said, is note it as a positive baby step and yet keep ignoring him. Sounds super similar to my situation, my H has been friendly texting since he left almost 4 months ago. The best response as far as I can tell is to be friendly back but brief and not to contact him first. If your story evolves like mine I'm guessing your BF will be wanting to see you so get ready for the random excuses for meeting up.

Good (well not good exactly) to see others on here with similar situations that I can relate to. Hopefully we can all help and support each other.

Hugs,
Lisa


Me: 34 H: 30
M: 4 years
BD: 6/15/14
He moved out 6/30/14
OW1: EA then PA after BD
Now he's dating multiple OWs
I'm over it and moving on.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
L
Little Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
Thanks, Lisa. Already checked out your thread and left a little advice. smile

Spoke to BF this morning regarding some more logistics. I have some things in his garage that need to be removed and were supposed to be gone by yesterday, but I'm waiting on a friend with a trailer to get her rear in gear. I explained this morning in a short text what the hold up was, and he was polite and accommodating in return. Even said "No worries, don't sweat it" with a smiley face.

Grrr, show some emotion, dude! You just blew up an 8 year relationship.

Okay, I know, I know -- don't focus on him or his emotions...or lack there of.


This morning, I was invited to a Hindu friend's home for a Diwali (dee-vali) celebration on Thursday, in which they light candles and offer prayers for prosperity and good fortune for the coming year. And then they feast!

I'm very much looking forward to it, as the Indian culture is beautiful and Hindu faith often matches with my own spiritual core. It will be nice to put my soul's efforts into something of this nature.


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
L
Little Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
Having a surprise bad day. Frustrated by all the defense I'll never get out. I've validated his feelings and admitted to my crap but some of his accusations are false and unfair.

I'm also missing him greatly AND sexually frustrated. Maybe my hormones are making my emotions weak.

I almost drove past the old house last night. Got into a fight with a friend and went for a drive. I stopped by reminding myself I don't need the grief it will cause if his F buddy's car is there. It doesn't matter who or what he's doing right now:

This too shall pass.


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard