How HER crisis changed ME

[Cadet]

Tad,
I'm glad your therapist suggested that you go back and re-read your old postings because it will show you just how far you've come from the day your world was rocked. There is a saying that goes like this "sometimes you have to go back in order to move forward". This is so true for so many who come here and post.

You've come a long way from those earlier dark days. Yes, it is very therapeutic to revisit the past and you are strong and wise enough now to re-read them and see where you once were and were you are now.

You know WHY this is true?

Because now you are DETACHED.

You are not attached even to yourself(when you were writing those posts)

So YES you have changed.

Just by making the detach change!

You know the single most important thing that we DO!

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Job and Cadet.

It is so weird reading my older stuff. The posts just don't sound like me at all.

So.....I went to S21's rock concert last night. As for XW being there, it went smoothly. We saw each other, but I didn't say hello to her and she didn't speak to me. I did find a few things interesting though.

1 - When I wasn't in sight, I could see her looking around the room a few times. Looking for me? I don't know.

2 - I was talking to S28 and she came up like she wanted to join the conversation. Again, I didn't even look at her.

3 - Her friend Laura who met her there spent just as much time talking to me (if not more) than XW. Then after the show, came up to me again, told me goodbye and left rather quickly.

4 - Her niece and brother in law (guy married to her sister and daughter) spent more time hanging with me than her.

5 - Brother in law told me that since we split, XW has quit talking to HIM. He said she rarely speaks to him and they went nearly three years without saying a word. Weird seeing how they were always fairly friendly and always seemed to have some good conversation.

6 - Realized last night that I still love her. (%^#@#$^&$) Guess maybe I always will.

7 - XW told S19 that she regrets how our D all "went down." I'm assuming that she meant she regrets that she got caught....I don't know.

Anyways, that's about it for now. He has another show on the 20th of November. I guess I'll get to do it all over again.

My little furbabies (rats) are still hanging in there, but showing their age. They are coming up on their second birthday next month.

Tad

[ericmsant2]

wish the little "furbabies" happy birthday

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Eric. I will.

So S28 told me yesterday that after XW left S21's concert the other night, she made a few comments to him about how I "ignored her all night."

WTF?

Excuse me for not saying hello. Doesn't it work both ways? She didn't say hello to me either. And....I didn't "ignore" her. I just chose not to say hello. Am I supposed to give her attention???? I was actually happy that I didn't have to interact with her. Besides, why does it matter to her anyway? She chose this....she chose not to be married to me or have me in her life. Give me a break. S21 has another concert next month and I don't plan on talking to her then either. I "ignored" her. HAHAHA. Sorry sugar britches. Too bad.

I received some good news yesterday. My best friend who moved to Chicago after XW went nuts is moving back to Phoenix! He told me yesterday that he'll start his cross country trek on Halloween. This made my day and I can't wait to see him. He's really the only friend I have left from my radio days. It'll be good to have him back in town.

Tad

[job]

Tad,
I wouldn't give your xw's comment a second thought. It's the d@mned if you do and d@mned if you don't scenario. Ignore her behavior. You did what you needed to do to enjoy your son's concert.

I'm happy to see your friend is returning to Phoenix. Maybe the two of you can find some things to do together every now and then.

Keep up the good work!

[MrBond]

"she made a few comments to him about how I "ignored her all night.""

Did you? You still haven't dealt or learned how to deal with her. You will ALWAYS be connected because of your kids. BUT it is YOUR fear that has made you resentful and afraid to interact with her.

Have you continued going to C?

[tadpole1025]

Did you? You still haven't dealt or learned how to deal with her. You will ALWAYS be connected because of your kids. BUT it is YOUR fear that has made you resentful and afraid to interact with her.

Have you continued going to C?

No. I do not feel that I ignored her at all. Nor do I feel like she ignored me. I didn't seek her out and she didn't seek me out. I simply have nothing to say to her. I found it quite refreshing getting through the evening without having to deal with her. I chose not to say anything to her. If she would have said something to me, I would have said something back, but I'm actually glad that she didn't. I didn't feel like she "ignored" me at all. As for her, what was she expecting? As I said, it goes both ways, but it obviously bothered her more than it bothered me.

Yeah, I'm still going to counseling.

Tad

[MrBond]

And has the C discussed your ongoing resentment?

[tadpole1025]

We have discussed it.....but I think I will always be a little angry over what she has done. I married her when I was 17. I'll be 47 later this week. I've known her 2/3 of my life and she threw it all away. There is still some anger there about it and I'm sure there will always be a little anger, just not as intense.

Also, I don't think it is bad that I don't want to be friends with her. That just sets me up for more hurt because for some strange reason, I still care about her.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one on this board that will not be friends with their X. Like I said, it is better for ME not to be her friend. Sorry, I just can't. Yes, I'll be friendly if spoken to, but I'm not hunting her down for it or initiating it.

Tad

[MrBond]

Let's be honest here. BOTH of you contributed to the downfall of your M. While you are not responsible for her A, you had a hand in it's demise.

No one said that you had to be friends with her. But you will ALWAYS be bound to her because of your children. Your kids deserve to not feel uncomfortable to have their mom and dad together in the same area. THAT is up to you.